Saving a seat....

winniepootigger2

My fiancee & I had a very close friend in college
(we acually met at his house) who helped us in so many ways early on in our relationship. 
In fact we sometimes wonder if we'd have made it through the turmoil & craziness of those first few years together without all the support & wisdom he offered us.
 He passed about 3 years ago & we both miss him very dearly,
about 1/3 of our wedding guests and most of the bridal party knew him as well. 
I was thinking about having a place set for him at the reception,with his picture  & some flowers on the chair.
is that too weird?   has anyone else got any other ideas?
I dont want to have to say anything at the reception cause i'll just start crying.
it's sooo important to us that we find the perfect way to include his memory in our day, he was such a special soul.

turanisaurus

I'm not entirely sure about saving an entire seat at a table...I would feel a little grim sitting at that table. My grandma played a major role in me and my brothers life and at his wedding we had a picture of them two framed and placed in an area. Maybe you could just have a separate area with a picture(s) of him and whatever else you wanted to do to have him remembered and have him there in a way for your wedding.

MOBinFL2008

IMO a much more appropriate way of remembering him is by having an "In Memoriam" section in your program and mentioning him there.  Some people do set up a table with pictures of friends and family who have passed as a way of remembering them.

I think what you are proposing is just too much.  If saying something at the reception would make you start crying, imagine how the two people will feel and react when they find themselves seated next to the empty chair with just a photo and flowers.  Probably not the vibe you want for your wedding reception.

aerinpegadrak

"Can I sit here?"
"Sorry, the dead guy's sitting there."

I know some people do a small table at the reception with pictures and flowerrs of departed family and friends.  If you don't have anyone else you'd like to feature at such a table (since I think it's a little much to do all of that for just one person), then just a program mention will suffice.  Perhaps your officiant can mention those who are attending in spirit as part of the ceremony.  But saving him a place at a reception table will just make people uncomfortable.

lisarose7

I agree with MOBinFL2008.  I think setting a place for him at the table draws attention away from the happiness of the occasion and focuses too much on the deceased.

caseyandlizzie

One of my best friends did some similar....but at the ceremony. She saved 2 seats in front with a name card and flowers in each chair for loved ones who had passed, then she had memorial candles at the reception. It was very important for her to recognize them at her wedding, but please reconsider this idea. I agree with PP that it is important to remember those loved ones who are no longer with us, but it might bring a far different mood to your reception (and especially to those seated at that table) than you would like.

spaje

I've seen this done at a graduation.. and that was cool and all, but - at a wedding??  I agree it's important to remember deceased loved ones.  PP's said it right - memoriam candles, pictures on a separate table somewhere with y'all  that's a bit better.  I also like the idea of the "in memoriam" section in the "programs"....

redheadfsu

I ditto pps.

I say save a seat at the ceremony. At the reception, put his picture on a special table. I would feel uncomfortable as the guest sitting next to his chair.

Pirata13

I agree with a mention in the program.  Saying "In Memory of _____" and a few lines about what a special person he was to you both would be a nice way to honor him. No need to keep the open seat as "he will be there in spirit", as I like to think about my grandparents. 

luckyme502

I think it is a beautiful gesture, but it would creep me out if I had to sit at that table. 

morainemom

Please don't do the empty seat - as mentioned by the PPs, it will most definitely be a "downer" on an otherwise joyous occasion.

However, make mention of your loved ones in your prgram - and maybe have a memorial candle and photos displayed at the reception.

My daughter and son-in-law have lost several young friends, as well as family members.  In their program they thanked guests, family and the wedding party for being coming to the wedding and for everyone's love and support.

And then they added:

We would also like to acknowledge those who have departed from us but are present in our memories:  and had the names of the deceased loved ones here.

savinapopp

I am actually in a similar situation.  My fiance's sister passed away last year and we were both very close to her.  We wanted to do something in her memory without being too gloomy and upsetting.  We decided that in leiu of favors we were going to donate the money we would have spend to a cerpral palsy foundation in her name, and have a sign stating that when people walk in (where they would pick up their place cards.) 

Did your friend have a certain thing he was pasionate about (ie. feeding the homeless, helping at the special olympics, etc.)?  It's a nice way of remembering them without being too over dramatic.