Walking down the isle?

LadyArtemis

I have a major conundrum.  I have never been very close with my father, at all. Ever since I hit puperty, he started to become a little abusive toward me, unbeknownst to the rest of my family.  Now that I'm trying to plan my wedding, I'm having trouble imagining myself walking down the isle with him by my side.  If I choose to have someone else, or no one at all, walk me down the isle I know for a fact that there will be major drama from both sides of my family and some of his.

 I really don't feel comfortable with him doing it, but should I just let it happen to make it more stress free? I don't want to sacrifice my happy, once in a life time day, but I also don't want to be hated for the rest of my life. What should I do?

tldh

First:
Isle - land completely surrounded by a body of water
Aisle - the walkway that divides pews

I felt the same way about my dad for a long time.  However, I didn't even consider not having him walk me down the aisle because I knew what it would mean to him.  I would say either walk by yourself or ask him to walk with you.

tldh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_walking-down-isle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:f25bb4a8-a764-4f32-99dd-ba35d380d183Post:86ce0375-88b7-4a24-81af-93a25f878f97">Walking down the isle?</a>:
[QUOTE]I have a major conundrum.  I have never been very close with my father, at all.  Now that I'm trying to plan my wedding, I'm having trouble imagining myself walking down the isle with him by my side.  If I choose to have someone else, or no one at all, walk me down the isle I know for a fact that there will be major drama from both sides of my family and some of his.  I really don't feel comfortable with him doing it, but should I just let it happen to make it more stress free? I don't want to sacrifice my happy, once in a life time day, but I also don't want to be hated for the rest of my life. What should I do?
Posted by LadyArtemis[/QUOTE]

bethsmiles

Why don't you feel comfortable with it? Has he been a bad father? Do you have problems with the origin of the tradition? Will you really be upset if he walks you down the aisle or is just not something you necessarily envisioned?

Honestly on your wedding day when you walk down the aisle and see your FI standing at the end of it looking back at you I really doubt that having your father next to you is going to put a damper on the experience just because you aren't super close to him. What might put a damper on the day is your father being hurt because you overlooked him and your family being upset because of he was standing next to you for 30 seconds on your wedding day. IMO its probably better to just let him walk you down the aisle unless there is a legitimate reason (abuse, strong negative opinion of the tradition, ect.)

chocoholic4life

If you do decide not to have him walk with you, don't replace him.  That might cause more family drama, so I would suggest walking alone if it is important to you.  You can always let him down gently and tell him that you have a problem with the tradition itself.  Then at least he won't know that it's because of your relationship with him, and maybe he won't feel as hurt.

[Deleted User]

Only you can answer this question. Do you have a strained relationship with him? If you don't feel comfortable walking down the aisle yourself, what about walking with your FH or possibly a brother or an uncle? Do you have any other males in your life that you are particularly close to?

While sometimes it is just best to keep the peace in families, this is something that you will have to live with for the rest of your life whether or not you want your Dad walking you down the aisle. Ask yourself if you think you will regret either having him or not having him walk you down the aisle more. Maybe that will help you make a decision.

AdeleDazeem

Why can no one spell aisle?

KrystalsKitsch

I'm in the same boat as you. I'm choosing to just walk myself down the aisle. It will be less stressful for me to just do this on my own (as I have done everything in my entire life, but that's another story!). Only you can decide and I'm sure whatever you pick will be just fine!

LauraT25

It's a really personal decision.  I chose to walk myself down the aisle because I don't think my father deserves that right.  However, he is quite aware of the status of our relationship and wouldn't have exepected otherwise.  I don't think you should do things just to make other people happy, but your dad's feelings are important here.

If you think that your dad would be hurt, or that drama would result, it seems like maybe this is a tougher situation, and that he may not feel the same way about your relationship (or that others are unaware).  

orangecrush32

This is a decision you need to make on your own with input from those close to you. You really need to sit down and find out if it's more important in your situation. I wish you luck.

AllyR75

if you don't feel compfortable with him walking you down the aisle then don't. it's you're wedding and you should do what makes you happy. however, i wouldn't have anyone replace him. I would just walk down by yourself, this way there will be no drama and you won't feel uncomfortable.

Lisa50

Don't do anything you that makes you uncomfortable.  Period.  Ever.  If you are predisposed to choosing what others like, despite your own reservations, your wedding might be a good time to reverse the trend.

Good luck!

browneydhero

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_walking-down-isle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:f25bb4a8-a764-4f32-99dd-ba35d380d183Post:a9bf7b6f-cb8a-465f-8d2c-2c199d37bf9f">Re: Walking down the isle?</a>:
[QUOTE]Why don't you feel comfortable with it? Has he been a bad father?[/QUOTE]

The post wasnt that long...couldnt you read the whole thing before posting a reply? She said her father became abusive....which I think makes for a "bad father".

OP if you are not comfortable having him walk you down the aisle than you should walk alone or ask someone that was more of a father figure to you. If parts of your family cant handle it....oh well!

bethsmiles

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_walking-down-isle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:f25bb4a8-a764-4f32-99dd-ba35d380d183Post:10bc5dbf-d7d8-42b5-9b28-c6a12d9adc5c">Re: Walking down the isle?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Walking down the isle? : The post wasnt that long...couldnt you read the whole thing before posting a reply? She said her father became abusive....which I think makes for a "bad father".
Posted by browneydhero[/QUOTE]

She edited her OP after I answered, she originally just said they weren't that close. She made no mention of abuse.

npwlab11

Is your father paying for the wedding?  If so, and if it is important to him, it might be best to agree and keep your eyes on your FI the whole time. 

If you choose not to have him walk you, you might be better off explaining you decided you want to walk with your FI instead of saying you just don't want him and walking alone.  I don't know your situation at all, but I think choosing someone else when he wants to do it and is physically able would be really harsh and invite a whole lot of questions you probably don't want to answer.