are these things really necissary?

hcollins315

hey everybody,

   I am trying to save money by cutting out things that seem unneccissary. I know it's probably a personal preferance.
but what is the point of having programs?
what is a groom's cake? (I heard it was more a southern thing... I live in Detroit, MI)

DramaGeek

I had never heard of a groom's cake until coming to TK.  It started as a southern tradition.  It wasn't served at the wedding but a slice was sent home with guests as a favor.  Single women would put the cake under their pillow (how does that even work?!) in hopes of dreaming of their future husbands.  It's definitely not a necessity, especially if your groom doesn't know of the tradition and won't miss it.

Programs are not a necessity, but they can be nice for communicating to guests who these people are (wedding party) and what comes next in the ceremony, especially if you're having a religious ceremony that many of your guests are not familiar with.  They do not have to be expensive, though.  Copying onto very basic paper is totally acceptable.  If you did half sheets, you could easily do it for pennies per program.

kitty02kat

I was told that the groom's cake (I'm from WI and FI is from Georgia) is to give a little "identity" to the groom for the wedding, since most of the day will be focused on the bride.  Generally, from what I understand, it is placed next to the big wedding cake but not served to the guests.  We're skipping it (or as far as he knows we are.  I'm surprising him with one for our Rehearsal Dinner).  One thing we're doing is waiting to serve the cake until later in the evening.  We're going to do dinner, then the first and other special dances, then cake cutting.  This will proabably be 45 minutes  to an hour after dinner so some people might leave, and as a girl from WI, it might help some people who've enjoyed a few beverages by that time.

I would say keep the programs, but do them cheaply, either DIY or photocopies at kinkos or something (as PP said).  That's my personal opinion though.    You could do one per couple and ask your ushers to hand them out that way too if it helps. 

Ask your reception hall if they have a cake server or toasting glasses you can use and you can cut those costs. (Our DJ also has an emergency kit that contains these things in case brides/grooms forget them so that might be an option). 

Another thing we're doing for decorations at the head table is simply putting vases on it so when the bridal party is introduced, the bridesmaids and myself can put our bouquets into the vases and they can serve as our centerpieces for the head table. 

Hope it helps a bit!  

AdeleDazeem

We didn't have either a groom's cake or programs.

We are 100% married.

Hobie625

Yeah the grooms cake thing seems to be regional.  I grew up in CA and never heard of it until I moved to MN, but also saw one at a wedding in TX.  Whatever.  I kind of think it's a fun idea.  I've seen some on TV that were really elaborate and made as a surprise for the groom; like PP mentioned, I'm going to probably do one as a surprise at the Rehearsal Dinner.

As far as the program, I agree with PP again.  I was going to skip it too because I thought, well, we're having a short ceremony that's totally non-denominational/religious, so there really isn't much to put on there?  But then I found one online that was super fun and fit our personalities.  I caved in, thinking, ya know what?  Nobody knows who my friends are, or his family, or what time the cocktail hour is.  So that's the info I put on there: bridal party info, family names, and schedule of events.  For about $15, we made 100 programs.  That's 15 cents each.  Can't beat that.  And it'll give peeps something to look at while they're waiting for the show to get going. 

OwningAHome1981

Grooms cake seems Iike the dumbest thing ever.

HobokensFury

It's perfectly fine to skip those things.

M&MJK

Neither is necessary, but if you are looking to cut costs I would suggest nixing the wedding favors.  Who ever keeps or uses those things anyway?  I have been to numerous weddings and received favors ranging from matchbooks to keychains to bubbles.  I am not sure I kept any of them for more than a week or two.  

I live in NE and have attended numerous weddings in the Midwest/northern Midwest.  There has always been a grooms cake.  They have sometimes been a simple sheet cake with a basic design (tiered wedding cakes cost more and don't serve as many) to supplement the wedding cake with only a couple tiers.  Other times they have been more fun than formal (think baseball fields, video game theme, Star Wars) based on something the grooms likes or enjoys.  They have always been a different flavor from the regular cake to give guests a choice.  I have never heard of taking it home and sleeping with cake under your pillow.  Yuck!  I'd dance circles in my birthday suit before I did that.

I am planning a wedding on a tight budget and plan on having programs for the reasons mentioned above.  They will likely be DIY programs printed at the office shop though to keep the costs down.  I will likely skip the table numbers, ordering coordinating thank you note cards, and favors or not happening.  Most of the time they are just thrown away or lost.  Hope this helps.

[Deleted User]

I don't think programs are necessary, as for the groom's cake I'm only doing one because somehow it worked out that it's actually cheaper to do 80 pieces of actual wedding cake and 60 of groom's cake than 140 in the wedding cake (which is fancier) so that's my suprise for my groom

tkddddddddd

The only necessary items at a wedding are you, your groom, someone to marry you and a wedding license that is legally binding. Everything else is "nice to have." 

larnen

A lot of times the groom's cake is less formal.  I've seen them in the shape of a school mascot, a nintendo console, or even a cookie cake.  It is meant to give the groom a little bit of identity on that day.  I've also seen just a nice cake with his favorite flavor.  It's usually lighthearted and funny.  Every wedding I've been to, it was served to guests.  So, I'm not really sure how that "putting it under your pillow" concept would work.  I'm not doing programs because they just get thrown away and it seems like a waste of paper to me.

mbrischoux

I'd skip the programs if I were to do it all again. 

I was only going to do a groom's cake if he and I didn't both like the same cake at our tasting.  I would have suprised him with the cake he would want in the shape of either a Nike box (he collects sneakers) or an xbox.  But we liked the same cake, so we just had the one.

And we're still married.

Lisa50

You can easily skip: programs, multi-part invitations, guest book, floral centerpieces, live music, videography, table numbers, menu cards, groom's cake and lots of other things.

erbear84

I wasn't planning on doing programs either until I saw one that combined a program with a crossword/word search and now I want to do it so my guests have something to do in the fifteen minutes between my ceremony and cocktail hour beginning.  Plus, I feel like recognizing all of my nieces and nephews in some way and my sisters, too.

aluaevolver

Yeah I'm pretty sure that everyone knows how a wedding goes...

you wait

the bride walks down the aisle

you listen to the man speak, they say their vows, they kiss, Tada! Marriage!

Unless they planned a Fionna and Lord Farquad wedding, where large ogre comes in, proclaims his love, she turns into an ogre...yeah, then you might want a program.

As for the groom's cake....I've never heard of one, but it might be a good idea, if it is someting that he wants. It is his wedding too and a lot of the focus is on you. It would make him feel special to have his own cake. He can pick it out and it could look all manly. My fiance said he might have one, but he would get it from walmart or some place cheap so we won't be spending tons of money on it.

ootmother2

I can remember groom's cake at a wedding when I was very young, perhaps 7. 

It was fruitcake (kids don't like that much) but the bride explained to me that I wasn't supposed to eat it.  There were little boxes beside the cake so the ladies could take a slice home to put under their pillow that night.  I don't remember if  dreamed of my soul mate or not.  Probably better that I didn't.

mrskristinyc

Here's what you need to get married:

1. A person to marry.

2. A person who can legally perform the marriage ceremony.

3. A witness.

4 Something to wear.

Add in other things that you want to have, but start from there. It shouldn't be assumed that there are a bunch of things you're supposed to do that you can "cut." If there's some element that you don't want to do - don't do it! Easy!

(This is the philosophy I've been using, and it's been great. I didn't want to stress over things I don't care about, so I'm not.)

KT020803

I totally get where you are coming from. Even the wedding cake for me is something I keep putting off because it just seems so overpriced and if everyone is drinking and full from dinner, will people even want it? I am doing programs but I am a major DIY person and I am designing them myself. Skipping the grooms cake.

It's your wedding, only take part in the traditions that are actually important to you.

ChellaTims

We've just now started planning our wedding and I had no idea the difference between the Wisconsin wedding and the Southern weddings. I'm from Birmingham, AL and FI is from Milwaukee, WI. The first thing we talked about is the grooms cake. He had never heard of a grooms cake before but once I showed him a few online he saw how important it would be to have one to me. I'm sure you'll love to know it's being created as a mini Lambeau Field, home of the Green Bay Packers, because he's always been a Packers fan and it's a part of who we are as a couple because we love football. I know if he was to marry a girl from Wisconsin he wouldn't have had one. I've always thought it was a Southern tradition too.
As for the programs I think something simple would be best but not something I would spend a lot of money on.