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Catholc church help

I know the recepton hall i want...the problem is the church. we are both catholic and would like a church ceremony, but the hoops u have to jump thru is rediculous. ..they want 800$, a weekened retreat s required, marriage counseling, ...on and on and on....my weddng is 8mo away and i have nothing done....im gonna freak....do i forget the whole church thing and marry at my reception hall site????

Our two very catholic italian families would prob disown us but...what do I do????

Re: Catholc church help

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    Only you can answer this. If having a Catholic ceremony is important to you and your fiancé, start hoop-jumping! 

    If you're only doing it for your families, I'd really rethink it, and do what the two of you really want. 
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_catholc-church?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:f596bd9c-12b9-45e3-b65a-1a6fa9edbeafPost:421b9201-c497-44ce-a461-ffe109f9cd79">Catholc church help</a>:
    [QUOTE]I know the recepton hall i want...the problem is the church. we are both catholic and would like a church ceremony, but the hoops u have to jump thru is rediculous. ..they want 800$, a weekened retreat s required, marriage counseling, ...on and on and on....my weddng is 8mo away and i have nothing done....im gonna freak....do i forget the whole church thing and marry at my reception hall site???? Our two very catholic italian families would prob disown us but...what do I do????
    Posted by hbaker361[/QUOTE]

    Just so you know, there is a Catholic Weddings board here on TK.

    My H and I are Catholic and were married in the Catholic church. It was something that was very important to both of us. That being said, you and your FI need to do what you want. Please don't just have a Catholic church wedding just to apease your families. Part of being an adult who is getting married is being able to tell your parents in a mature way what you do and do not want.

    In regards to the fees involved, that is about how much ours were. I have also heard of Catholic churches charging much more than that. Some will require you to be a registered parishoner before the priest or deacon will start doing your marriage prep with you. We also we required to attend an Engaged Encounter weekend which cost us $275 plus driving 2.5 hours to get there.

    In my honest opinion, it is all about perspective. If the Catholic faith and getting married in the church is important to you and your FI, then by all means, you will find a way to make it happen. It is all about perspective: if you are spending all this money (I am not saying you are, but just hypothesizing) on an open bar, nice meal, big fancy dress, etc, then $800 for the ceremony is not a big deal in the grand scheme of things.
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    I'm not Catholic but FI is.  It is important to him to be married in the Church.

    As a non-Catholic, I find the "hoops" you refer to not that bad.  I think you're over reacting just a tad.

    I have gained new insight into the Church (I have some biases due to family issues) and it has given me a whole new perspective on the Church - in a good way.

    We will be paying $800+ for the church donation and another $200 for the pre-cana weekend.

    To me, it is well worth it.  PPs are right - you have to decide what is right for you and your FI, not your families.

     

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    If you are a practicing catholic, you know how important it is for your marriage to be recognized by the church, and you know that these "hoops" are part of the sacrament.

    If you aren't practicing and are only doing this to make someone else happy, then I can see where it would be a lot of work for something you don't really believe in.  If the church isn't that important to you, move the ceremony.

    BTW, $800 is fairly reasonable for a ceremony.  When you call your hall and add on the ceremony space and time, and then book an officiant, I think you'll find that $800 was a steal.  
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    I agree with the others who responded to this OP, epecially MissySue. I am also Catholic, my FI is not. He was freaked out by the idea of all the hoops we'd have to jump through. Once he knew exactly was was expected, he felt better. We still have to go on our Engaged Encounter weekend in May. Our wedding is in 6 months. We first called the church at the end of January, and started meeting with the priest mid-end of February. I think they want at least 6 months notice to have adaquate time for you to complete marriage prep. Our fees to use the church for the wedding was $900, with a $200 deposit. Engaged Encounter weekend was $285. Just mailed that check today.
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    edited April 2011
    I am Catholic and FI is not.  But as PP also experiences, FI was freaked out at first but once we figured out what was needed and actually did it, its not that bad.  After going through the Pre-Cana and the marriage prep meetings with our priest, it gave a lot of insight into us as a couple and I highly recommend some sort of marriage prep/counseling before anyone gets married, religious or not.  We were fortunate in that our fees are only a donation (minimum of $200) and $50 for Pre-Cana, but a ceremony at our reception hall was a minimum $1000 (not that we were ever going to do that).  If you are only doing this for your families, please think over your decision.  But if you know that you want to keep with the church and even raise your children (if you plan to have any) in the religion (baptism, communion, etc), you'll want your marriage recognized by the Catholic Church.

    Edit:  Many officiants (especially those that a semi-religious) require some sort of marriage prep with them, so unless you want a completely non-religious ceremony, you may still need marriage prep.   And also, after your reception may charge you a fee for the ceremony at their location, depending on your area an officiant can be hundreds of dollars as well.  Something else to keep in mind from that perspective.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_catholc-church?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:f596bd9c-12b9-45e3-b65a-1a6fa9edbeafPost:661c2f4c-37ec-40dc-a1ce-c3e50ed18797">Re: Catholc church help</a>:
    [QUOTE]If you are a practicing catholic, you know how important it is for your marriage to be recognized by the church, and you know that these "hoops" are part of the sacrament. If you aren't practicing and are only doing this to make someone else happy, then I can see where it would be a lot of work for something you don't really believe in.  If the church isn't that important to you, move the ceremony. BTW, $800 is fairly reasonable for a ceremony.  <strong>When you call your hall and add on the ceremony space and time, and then book an officiant, I think you'll find that $800 was a steal.  </strong>
    Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

    This is very true. Our reception hall was over 1k for the ceremony, and that didn't include an officiant or musicians.

    Ask if you can attend pre-cana classes instead of the weekend retreat. While our church preferred we did the retreat, we chose to go to 2 Saturday classes instead and they were fine with that.
    imageimageimage
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    As the other PPs have said, for your ceremony, do what YOU want, not what others want or expect.

    Please do not look at this marriage preparation as "hoops" ... this is an important time to get ready for married life together. With 8 months to go you still have plenty of time. FI & I just had our Engaged Encounter this past Saturday and we both REALLY enjoyed it (our wedding is in 4 months). FI is not Catholic but he saw the great value in all of the discussions, information and advice. Even if you don't get married in a church I see this preparation as something that is extremely important -- it's nothing compared to a lifetime of marriage together (what's a couple of hours here and there if it means many, many years of happiness together?). Sorry, I don't mean to be cheesy but that's just howI feel about it..

    Our church is costing us over $1,700, but we didn't even bat an eye at the cost. We're getting married in the cathedral that both my parents and grandparents were married in. It means so much to both of us that we're able to do something special like this. Have you looked at other churches for their cost?

    The ceremomy is the most important part of your day. How are you going to want to look back and remember it years from now?

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    I understand what you're saying. My fiance is Catholic (Filipino) and I was raised mostly Catholic, baptized and first communion but never confirmed. Neither one of us has been practicing, but I was raised going to church every Sunday and I am very spiritual, and my fiance's culture is centered around it. Of course the first place we looked when we got engaged, was the local Catholic church, but when we both found out the requirements we were concerned. We both have absolutely insane schedules that would be very difficult to coordinate with all the classes, we have lived together for 2.5 years now, I take birth control, we were not members of a church, and my fiance was baptized in an area of the Philippines that is in religious turmoil and has had many church bombings- so not extremely sure about getting baptismal certificate required (they probably could send one to his parents and then to us if it is still standing?). The thing is, we definitely could have gotten through all of obstacles and taken the classes no problem, but when it came down to it, it was important for me to get married in a church, not necessarily Catholic- especially considering neither one of us follow Catholic practices and I would feel guilty walking down the aisle if I was living with my fiance and taking birth control! lol. So I looked at local non-denominational churches and found that the ones in my area charge absolutely outrageous prices...we ended up looking into a Methodist church because my mother suggested it and I had also attended a Methodist church frequently growing up. We ended up loving the minister. So, we will getting married in the Methodist church and have a communion added to the ceremony. It took some time for his parents to get used to the idea, and they even suggested having a ceremony outdoors and what-not, but ultimately it is very important to me to have our marriage recognized by the church- any Christian church. So, choose what best fits you and your fiance.
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    We are getting married this fall in the Catholic Church and it is costing us approx $1400. It is expensive but we feel it is worth it.

    I think you would feel better about the "hoops" you are referring to if you put yourself in the churches shoes. Catholic insitutions do not believe in the dissolution of marriages, therefore they are going to put plans in place to prevent that at all costs. So the encounter weekend to counsel you is one of their efforts to keep you guys married for the long-haul. 

    I think in the long run you will be glad you got married in the church. The coordinator at our church and the expense have made me want to throw in the towel more than once now, but I know I will be glad to have been married in the Church later in my life.
    "If you judge people you have no time to love them" -Mother Teresa
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    $800 or $8000? $800 is quite reasonable and normal! Our total church wedding cost was about $1450, including gratuity, music, church fee, and precana. Well worth it! and the things we had to do before had were not that bad. If you don't like the precana retreat, pick a different church, they might just do a one days session like we had. 
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_catholc-church?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:f596bd9c-12b9-45e3-b65a-1a6fa9edbeafPost:661c2f4c-37ec-40dc-a1ce-c3e50ed18797">Re: Catholc church help</a>:
    [QUOTE]If you are a practicing catholic, you know how important it is for your marriage to be recognized by the church, and you know that these "hoops" are part of the sacrament. If you aren't practicing and are only doing this to make someone else happy, then I can see where it would be a lot of work for something you don't really believe in.  If the church isn't that important to you, move the ceremony. BTW, $800 is fairly reasonable for a ceremony.  When you call your hall and add on the ceremony space and time, and then book an officiant, I think you'll find that $800 was a steal.  
    Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

    This.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_catholc-church?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:f596bd9c-12b9-45e3-b65a-1a6fa9edbeafPost:661c2f4c-37ec-40dc-a1ce-c3e50ed18797">Re: Catholc church help</a>:
    [QUOTE]If you are a practicing catholic, you know how important it is for your marriage to be recognized by the church, and you know that these "hoops" are part of the sacrament. If you aren't practicing and are only doing this to make someone else happy, then I can see where it would be a lot of work for something you don't really believe in.  If the church isn't that important to you, move the ceremony. BTW, $800 is fairly reasonable for a ceremony.  When you call your hall and add on the ceremony space and time, and then book an officiant, I think you'll find that $800 was a steal.  
    Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

    <div>this.</div><div>
    </div><div>As a non-practicing Catholic I get annoyed when people complain about the 'hoops' they have to go through in order to get marred in the church. </div><div>
    </div><div> Every sacrament (except baptism) you receive have classes to attend before receiving them.  Why would marriage be any different?  Actually Pre-Cana is the 'easiest'.  I had to do YEARS of classes to get my first communion and confirmation.</div>






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    My fiance and I are getting married at the same place as our reception. We have to pay $500 to the minister so he will marry us and go to 5-6 pre-marriage classes. [We had to find him ourselves, if we belonged to his church, it would have been free]
    On top of that, our place said for the ceremony you have to buy an extra hour which was $300. So it came to the same as yours! [We rented the place for 4 hours, and had to add the extra hour for the ceremony]
    Before you decide that you want to get married at your venu, you should look into the cost of it first. It might just be the same price!!
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    Our church is costing $475 with an additional $400 for the organist and cantor. Check  with the archdiocese to see if you can have some different options for pre cana. We had 3 choices. 1) $200 for 4, 2hr sessions through the parish at a parishoner's home. 2)  $200 for an 8hr day at select Chicago churchs 3) $400 for a weekend retreat. I know someone getting married in another archdiocese and they only had the option of the retreat. Check your boundaries and maybe consider getting married at another location
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    My fiance' is Catholic and I am not.  One of my fiance's very dear friends of 15 years is a judge and we both thought it would be very special for him to marry us. So he will be handling our ceremony and then after the wedding my fiance' and I are going to the Church he attended in his hometown growing up and the priest there is going to do a blessing of the marriage. That maybe a route you can look into.

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