Mother in Law to be

craigandlorianne

still dont know why their isn't a specific section for this! 

She is from England, and totally against the way showers are done in the US, she thinks they are a huge competition and said in her own words " I hate showers over here in the US"  straight to my mom's face after the invites were sent out.  My mom simply apologized for inviting her.  " I am sorry I invited you"  thats all my mom said and the future (itch) said she will be there.  Well my shower was this past Sunday, she called my FI saturday and apologized she hadn't gotten a gift yet (this was at the same time, she was asking her son my fi to use my car to go pick up a 50" flat screen tv for their other room, they are spending tons of money on their house, since family is coming in from england for our wedding)  , and I told my FI that she doesnt need to get us anything, that I just wanted her there.   

So my shower was about to start at 1pm on sunday and I am getting a call from FI (who came later to the shower to say thank you to all the guests) and he is telling me that his mom is not coming because she has a migraine (i know people that get migraines they get them all the time) this woman does not get migraines both my fi and her other son said that she doesn't so there was faking it, and obviously never planning on attending.  But to do that right as my shower was starting ofcourse I started crying.   Everyone was just telling me be the bigger person and dont say anything, but I can't its driving me crazy and my wedding is 5 weeks away.   People where even asking what the heck did I do to her for her not to want to come.  

My aunt was there and she is sick wiht Arthritis and another friend of the family that is going through kidney dialysis and another one that just had a stroke.    

How am i suppose to be the bigger person here! When I could care less about even seeing her or even talking to her any time soon.  She still hasn't even called me to apologize to me directly, which proves that she was lying even more.  

My FI said on saturday when he went to pick up the huge tv with MY car, that she wants to help and get more involved now, after i have been asking for over a year and she always says no or shes busy.  So i stopped asking and for sure dont want her touching anything or opinion on anything either! 
 

mgietler76

I wouldn't get overly upset and stressed out about this. It sounds as if you don't want her there in the first place so it's really a blessing that she didn't come. If anybody asked where she was you should have simply said she wasn't feeling well. I also don't see what her buying a 50inch tv has anything to do with your post because surely you aren't expecting such lavish gifts from her?

Audrey&Austin

So, she said she doesn't like showers. Or at least the way they're done here. And then she decided not to show up. You and your FMIL don't have to have a great relationship, let it go. She doesn't have to get you anything. Don't criticize her for the way she spends her money. For all you know, that tv could have been a gift from someone that she is having in town for the wedding!

craigandlorianne

The tv is for their home I was just trying to show that she is more worried about what people think of them then others.  The point was that she was never planning on coming, and i did want her there and she canceled as my shower was starting not days in advanced!     She ended up pissing me off making me cry as my shower was starting.  She doesnt get midgraines  i have known her for 3 years and never has had one, i used to go their house everyday, she was lying.  How am i suppose to ask for help when i dont want it, but want to make my FI happy.  Isnt it fine for my FI to just give her stuff to do?    

mgietler76

It's hard not to get all worked up but you have to try to take a minute and breath, then forget all that crap about it being "YOUR" day and you can dictate what everyone does, yeah it sucks that she did that but you need to forgive and forget becuase she will be in the picture for the rest of your life. You will be alot less stressed if you suck it up and be the bigger person and give her small tasks that don't need a ton of attention. And who cares if she wants her house to look nice for her guests, I think your getting worked up over something small and you're not gonna want this to escalate and possibly ruin your relationship with her and soil your wedding experience.

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_mother-law?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:f6579e06-7c56-47db-8bc4-5f0a57bb267cPost:a9835f01-b775-4b04-92e9-767380d4144a">Mother in Law to be</a>:
[QUOTE]still dont know why their isn't a specific section for this!  She is from England, and totally against the way showers are done in the US, she thinks they are a huge competition and said in her own words " I hate showers over here in the US"  straight to my mom's face after the invites were sent out.  My mom simply apologized for inviting her.  " I am sorry I invited you"  thats all my mom said and the future (itch) said she will be there.  Well my shower was this past Sunday, she called my FI saturday and apologized she hadn't gotten a gift yet (this was at the same time, she was asking her son my fi to use my car to go pick up a 50" flat screen tv for their other room, they are spending tons of money on their house, since family is coming in from england for our wedding)  , and I told my FI that she doesnt need to get us anything, that I just wanted her there.    So my shower was about to start at 1pm on sunday and I am getting a call from FI (who came later to the shower to say thank you to all the guests) and he is telling me that his mom is not coming because she has a migraine (i know people that get migraines they get them all the time) this woman does not get migraines both my fi and her other son said that she doesn't so there was faking it, and obviously never planning on attending.  But to do that right as my shower was starting ofcourse I started crying.   Everyone was just telling me be the bigger person and dont say anything, but I can't its driving me crazy and my wedding is 5 weeks away.   People where even asking what the heck did I do to her for her not to want to come.   My aunt was there and she is sick wiht Arthritis and another friend of the family that is going through kidney dialysis and another one that just had a stroke.     How am i suppose to be the bigger person here! When I could care less about even seeing her or even talking to her any time soon.  She still hasn't even called me to apologize to me directly, which proves that she was lying even more.   My FI said on saturday when he went to pick up the huge tv with MY car, that she wants to help and get more involved now, after i have been asking for over a year and she always says no or shes busy.  So i stopped asking and for sure dont want her touching anything or opinion on anything either!   
Posted by craigandlorianne[/QUOTE]

Darlin', please remember that you can't control what other people do.  You can only control how you respond to their actions.

So you let a woman that you don't particularly care for, and who you really don't want to spend time with control your experience at your shower?

Instead of focusing on the people who were there, like your aunt who has arthritis, the person on dialysis, and the person who had a stroke, you carried on crying because someone you don't like wasn't at your shower?  You spent your shower crying instead of being a gracious bride to those who DID take the time to come to your shower?

This is what you want the people who DID share the day with you to remember?  That you spent the time crying so that they had to try to comfort you?

Really?  Let go of the "poor me" victim card  Face the facts:  not everyone has a great relationship with family members:  their own or their in-laws.  But to carry on about it at a party in your honor is childish.

What will you do if she pulls some stunt at your wedding rehearsal and/or wedding?  Will you allow her to have the control and ruin that for you too?

ETA:  If your mom really did say "I'm sorry I invited you", then she was rude and could also be a reason that your FMIL stayed away.

A far better response would have been "I"m sorry you feel that way. I know that Loriann and I are hoping that you'll enjoy sharing an American tradition with us."

kimp67

Just let it go,,,,she could be like my FMIL & tell you she's not coming to the wedding!

Audrey&Austin

I think you just need to let it go. Some people don't get migraines very often, and some people don't feel the need to broadcast when they do get one. I get migraines, I don't feel the need to tell anyone that is the reason I don't always feel up to doing things. I get that you're uposet, but I think you really need to let it go and move on. If she wants to help, try to figure out what she wants to help out with.

And ditto a PP, she could not come to the wedding. My parents don't have any intention of coming to ours.

TeresaB2011

IMO I think what is needed here is a hug for the bride.  So hugs to you.  You can feel anyway you want to about her.  I can understand you getting upset!  Your wedding is 5 weeks away...sometimes we have nasty people in the soon to be family.  It happens.  So, cry, get upset and then let it go.  I would.

Look at it this way...it her loss.

Muffin'sMom

There is a place on the boards for this!  It's called Moms and Maids...drop on by anytime.

You can't give someone else that kind of power over you.  If she says she's not comin, you say, "I'm sorry to her that...we'll miss you."  Smile sweetly and change the subject.  Keep on with your planning...no need to include her.  Just be sweet and smiling and do your thing.