Guestlist 50/50??

aacc

Hello!
How are you dealing with big family vs. small family?

I have a large family - 28 aunts/uncles - and my fiance has 12 aunts/uncles.
Our parents completed a guestlist draft and we ended up with 74 on my side (with GREAT restraint lol - mostly only aunts/uncles) and 70 on his side (which includes cousins, parents' cousins, other family).  Not too bad, right?  Oh, this includes a few of our friends.

Well, we are having a destination wedding and after going through the lists, we guessed how many people would actually come.  (Of course, this is dangerous and we are financially preparing for everybody, but we are just curious - we haven't asked anybody for responses or anything)

As it turns out, my family came up with 58 and his with 38 that may attend.  Now, people are upset because of the imbalance and think my family needs to cut people to reach 50/50. 

Also, his family wants to invite more people now.  Well, if you wanted to invite more people, why weren't they on the draft guestlist?

Should the guestlist be 50/50?
Was yours 50/50?  If not, how did you get through the drama?
Are there etiquette guidelines on who in the family gets priority - like uncles/aunts before parents' cousins or family friends, etc?

I know my fiance and I should do as we please, but I am interested in how you resolved the problem.  BTW, my fiance said it should be 50/50 - I disagree.  It shouldn't be totally unbalanced, but my fiance and I gave each family the opportunity to invite those they deemed necessary - and remember, the original guestlist was 74 vs 70 - only when evaluating who is able to attend the destination wedding is there drama.

THANK YOU

MyNameIsNot

We ended up with about 100 people attending.  Only about 20 came from DH's side (most are international.)  You don't need 50/50 or anything like that.  It's more important that you are able to invite the important people.

IMHO, it's much more fair to say ok, we're going to do family, let's go out to first cousins on both sides and be done with it, rather than to say each side gets X.  

If you're happy with the list as is, leave it alone.

jagore08

You guys should invite who you really want to be there no matter the numbers.  Inviting more people just to make sides even is just adding more of an expense to you and you're FI.

mizri

I agree.  We're making our guest list, and my side is going to have more family than FI, but that's ok.  We don't have to have it even.  As long as the people you love are there to share the day with you, it won't matter.  

mica178

Who's upset?

You tried for 50/50 with the number of people invited, which is a very fair thing to do.  You can't control the proportion of guests from either side that actually shows up.  If you have the budget and space to invite more people, then invite everyone, but don't put out invitations just for the sake of ratios.

margoam

My family consists of less than 20 people total, whereas my FI has a much bigger family with over 70 people. We're also inviting our closest friends He will definitely have more family members at our wedding and that's okay with me. What matters is that the people we love most will be there. If you feel the need to invite more people because you want them to share in your special moment, go for it, but don't invite more or cut poeple you want to people there just to even out the guest list.