Did your FI get your family's blessing before proposing?

GuinGirl

My FI was waiting for my father to recover from heart surgery to be able to take him out for lunch and ask for my hand.  It had been a really rough time for our family and we were all so scared he wasn't going to make it through, so it was so important to me for him to ask my dad.  I had no idea that he did it and my dad was beyond tickled that he got the rite as my father... I'm an older bride that's waited forever to get married, he's just excited he's finally going to see his "little girl" get married

SCogs18

My fiance did not ask my father's/family's permission before asking me to marry him.  Honestly, I would have been a little upset if he had!  It is not my dad's choice who I marry, it's mine, so I feel like I should be asked first!  Plus, I wanted to get to call my parents and tell them I was engaged and have it be a surprised not an "oh honey, we know...he already told us about it."

I asked my dad his opinion on this years ago and he surprisingly had the same reaction!  He said "Your boyfriend can ask me, but your opinoin matters a whole heck of a lot more than mine!  I would never expect to be asked permission."

em01092

My FI asked me if I thought he should talk to my dad, and I said no. My dad would not have liked that. He isn't traditional at all and he thinks it's a silly custom. I'm my own person and I'm going to do whatever I want, with or without a blessing or approval. 

MiksChick23

I would have been ok with it either way. I voted NO b/c mine did not, but I don't think its old school to ask for their "blessing" , now if you had used "permission" I most definitely would have stuck with a HELL NO. FI and I were together 6 years when we got engaged and lived together for 5 years. Everyone knew it was coming. But all in all, it was my decision to make, so I'm glad he just asked me!

jemmini6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_did-your-fi-get-your-familys-blessing-before-proposing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:facf6702-3932-4376-bb24-cf19df9111aaPost:b3705c54-8dd8-48f3-b286-c9ac91914196">Re: Did your FI get your family's blessing before proposing?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Did your FI get your family's blessing before proposing? : There was a girl who posted here recently about just that.  Her bf asked her dad for a blessing, and he said no, because he thought they should wait a few years.  (They were younger, but not teenagers.)  Eventually the bf told her what happened, because they had already been talking about marriage.  They found themselves in a position where they either had to defy dad and get engaged or put off the plans that they had made together to respect her father.  I don't know how it turned out.  
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

If we are thinking of the same one, I believe they DID get engaged against her parent's wishes (and I think he just asked their blessing, not their permission) and her parents were pissed and wanted her to completely end their relationship all together and never speak to him again because he disrespected them.  If he hadn't asked first, they probably would have been upset at the timing, but might have gotten over it, but they were pissed because he blantantly went against them.

I thought her parents were being massive assholes about it (she was like 22, not 17) and that exact reaction was the epitome of why I hate that tradition.  They were so pissed about him not respecting their opinion, but they weren't respecting their daughter.  I was pissed at her parents for her.

So yeah, obviously my H didn't ask my parents.  I really couldn't care less what my dad thought, and my mom had been asking H to marry me after only 4 months of dating, so obviously he knew he had her blessing.  The only person who knew he was going to propose before he actually did it was his mom, because he asked her opinion on the timing of the proposal.

I think this tradition still has it's place in some families and can be cute/romantic, but overall I think it's outdated and offensive in it's roots.

DeannaCW

No, though he did send them an e-mail (we were in UK, parents in California) letting them know that it was going to happen soon.  He had actually asked me if it was something I wanted, and I said no.  My folks don't own me, I'd be marrying him even if they said no, and I'm not that close with my dad anyways.   But he's very traditional, and felt he should at least give them a head's up if he didn't ask, which was ok by me.

His parents also obviously knew. He hid the ring in the one place I was guaranteed to never, ever look: his mother's purse!

rlavach

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_did-your-fi-get-your-familys-blessing-before-proposing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:facf6702-3932-4376-bb24-cf19df9111aaPost:a2ad2bfb-70ed-4572-a7f7-5e873176544f">Re: Did your FI get your family's blessing before proposing?</a>:
[QUOTE]Yes, DH asked my dad's permission before he proposed.  Mom was not a part of the conversation, but dad knew where she stood, and they were both very supportive of our relationship.  We're both Christians and believe that daughters are under their father's authority before they are married, and then under their husband's.  We knew we wanted to get married, and had been "courdating" for a little over a year when he asked.  He proposed about 3 weeks later, and we were married 16 months after that.
Posted by fpaemp2011[/QUOTE]
Same here, to an extent. This is a controversial topic, and yes, not all Christians believe or honor this. My father was supportive of us & did give his blessing, not permission. He very clearly told me afterwards that I am my own woman, can make my own choices & would never try to prevent me from marrying the one I love. He just wants to make sure that I'm 100% clear on what I'm doing. <div>
</div><div>ETA: At first, my dad didn't really say yes/no to giving his blessing. He just wanted to find out more from me due to my FI's financial situation. That freaked us out b/c we thought that it would be like the situation mentioned by PP where we either don't get married or defy my father. Turns out it wasn't that at all. Happy ending!</div>

bencomobride

we kept our engaement a secret for almost 5 months because our families HATE each other... they still dont get along. hopefully the wedding goes smoothly

jjolovich

I answered yes, but it was more for the respect of my dad, my ex husband did the same thing but it was half hearted, because he is a jerk like that... thats why he is an ex for a reason...

KJeffs

He didn't ask my dad but he did ask my three kids....lol I guess it's a good thing they all like him.

eospassion

Mine did, and he was the first too! My younger sister was married first- my BIL did NOT ask. My older sister was  engaged next, her FI did NOT ask either.

My FI DID ask my father for his blessing, and it meant so much to him! It  showed a lot of respect... And I told my FI he was going to ask my Daddy for permission whether he wanted to or not. I wanted my father's blessing probably as much as my FI did!

sboughten

He was too excited once he bought the ring to think of asking my parents, not that he needed to.  Once we were engaged he went to each of my parents (they're divorced) and told them that we were engaged and hoped that they were supportive which of course they were.  It was nice for him to do this and to have the full backing of my family for our marriage.

ujocdeelovely

FI asked my father the day before he proposed because he was scared my father was going to spill the beans if he told him way in advance! LOL!

afink07

My FI did ask but my dad said that he would rather we wait until we were out of school. My FI ended up waiting 3 months and then asked me. My parents were ok with it as long as we waited to have the actual wedding until after we both graduated which was fine since that's what we had been planning on anyways.