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Customs and Traditions

But I like my last name...

I never thought I'd be the type of bride to worry too much about changing my name. It's supposed to be exciting...but I just can't bring myself to do it. If I change it then I will be at the beginning of the alphabet...and I dont know how I feel about that. I would love to change it because it symbolizes a marriage in a way and at the same time it is difficult to let go of a name I've had my whole life. I've thought about hyphening, but it seems so long....ughhh. I'm curious to hear, what are your opinions on the matter??

Re: But I like my last name...

  • First, I would suggest you remove your real name from the post.  It may be a fairly common name, but remember that absolutely anyone can read this boards.  Internet safety and all that.

    I went through the same thing.  I knew 100% that I did not want to drop my name.  H started off being totally ok with my keeping my name and then the closer we got the more wishy washy he got.  Then his dad went on a rant against women who don't change their names.  I was young and stupid, so instead of standing my ground I relented and decided to hyphenate, except I used a space instead of a hyphen.

    Obviously my heart wasn't in it because while I used Smith Jones socially I never changed my name legally.  Then I slowly started reverting to just Smith.  Two last names is a PITA.  It was a lot easier just to use one.  Eventually H said "why don't you just drop the Jones?" so I did and I've never been happier.

    I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you my story.  go with your gut.  If you can't tell what your gut reaction is, make a decision and live with it for a while.  You'll soon know how you feel about it.
  • I've also decided to have two last names with no hyphen. I haven't gotten married yet so I don't know if I'll slowly phase out one of them, but I am really invested in keeping my maiden name because I'm very proud of the heritage that goes with it. 

    I don't think it's fair that people expect women to change their names, and no one ever even asks the guy. So I asked my FI to change his. We'll both be taking each other's last names. This way, we still have the same last name (it's just two words instead of one). 

    Only you know which choice is right for you. And honestly, if you don't want to make that decision yet, you can always change your name after the wedding (though I believe there will be more paperwork involved). 
  • edited May 2012
    I've never thought of not changing my name. I'm actually very excited about doing it. IMHO, I think it just finalizes it. Its more of a unity thing to me. But hey, I was also that little girl who wrote "Mrs. Smith" all over her notebooks, so my opinion is biased.

    Go with your gut. If you don't want to change it, don't. It's a name. Your name. You're the one who will live with it and go by it.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • jmp2004jmp2004 member
    100 Comments
    I'm with Sugar on this one.  I can't wait to change my name.  Not only was I one of the girls that wrote "Mrs. Smith" all over her notebooks, I actually really hate my last name.  :p  So, in the end it's a personal choice.  :)
  • Go with your gut.  I had always been excited to change my last name to match my husband's.  In his family, the women usually drop their middle name and use the maiden name as their new middle name. I got peer pressured (by his sisters!) to keep my maiden name also.  I decided to have 2 middle names.  So now I am first name, old middle name, maiden name, H's last name.  I hate it!  It's too long, my work email looks stupid now and I should have just followed my initial plan in the first place.  It's your name, so call yourself what you want!
  • I would go with your gut and try not to worry about what other people think. My last name was extremely important to me, so I decided not to change it. FI is originally from Montreal (where it's pretty much illegal for wives to take their husbands last name) so he didn't have a problem with it at all. In the future if we have kids, I may end up changing it. But right now, I want to keep it. Many people have been pretty surprised about my decision and though they don't agree with it, I honestly don't really care. It's my life and my name. So I would do what YOU feel comfortable doing.
    "Judging a person does not define who they are. It defines who you are."
  • I was kind of torn also.  I grew up with a very irish name that alot of people comented on.  My family is very in touch with their family heritage.  With that I also have a very long name.  Writing your full name on offical documents is kind of a pain.  So when I got engaged I was thinking about hyphenating my name wich would make it even longer.  I just came to realize that I will take my fiances name and its just a part of life.  Your future husbands name is a very good last name and sound beautiful with your full name.
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