Are you having kids at your luxury wedding?

Carla1019

I see this question asked a lot on other boards so I'm curious what are you ladies thinking of here?

We decided to only have the kids in the wedding party. We know our friends and they will relax and enjoy the evening more if they don't have to keep an eye on the little ones.

kittykatkoo

We decided that the children were welcome to the ceremony but parents would have to make arrangements for their children in the evening. (adult-only reception)
This was due to that fact that we have large families and all our cousins were now having children and by the time the kids were added to the guest list, it became way too expensive for us to afford.
Plus we wanted our guests to feel they could have a good time without feeling the need to leave early to put kids to bed. The Majority of the list are far out-of-towners.

BMcLeodTeam

We will be having children, quite a few. There will be a seperate children's buffet for the meals. After the meals, during the dancing, we will have 2-3 babysitters working a children's activity area. It will have toys, games, etc to keep the kids busy. 

jalafa

Only 2..FG(my daughter)..and the RB. I debated about this as well but we really just didn't want kids running around and there really wasn't another room to have them in. Plus my venue has a huge water wall and we didn't want to worry about this. We gave everyone advanced notice to make arrangements for their children.

DirtyWater

I originally wanted to make it 18 and older.  We have a few cousins that were non stop harassing us about going.  We made the cut off 13 years old.  I do not want children younger than that there at all.  The only one that will possibly be there is FSIL's foster child who may be adopted by then.

M1ssJ

I am having kids because everyone is OOT, we are having a separate kids room with nannies , movies , and vide games. 

cmgefert

The only kids that we are having are my FI cousins because they are from Italy and don't speak any English so it would of been hard to get a baby sitter. I personally don't like/want kids at the reception because I feel that it takes away from the adults being able to enjoy themselves. I've been to weddings were my mom or my FI mom has a kid handed to them and then they have to "babysit" the rest of the night. I asked all my family members who have young kids and they are fine with it being an adult reception.

AuntDahlia

We will, but I am from a culture where it'd be considered strange not to invite them. Likewise, people would be quite offended if I offered a babysitter. They'll all look after their own kids if they choose to bring them.

chaiteachick

This is something I'm struggling with... I have a huge Irish-Catholic family, and he has a huge Jewish family... unfortunately, since many people will be coming from out-of-town, and have very young children, I feel like we can't really NOT have them... yet it will increase the guest list by two-thirds if we invite with children! I'm really not sure about what to do. 

Jells2dot0

At my traditional first wedding, we did not have children. However, there were only two people that had young kids and as they were a part of my step family (my dad's gf's grandkids), I am not close to them nor have I ever had a good relationship with them. So, it was an easy decision. I didn't have any guests at my DW, so that certainly made things easy

AJuliaNJ

No, we are not having kids there. Neither of us have nieces or nephews so it's pretty easy to say that. I really don't like the idea of kids running around on our dancefloor and screaming. I have some friends with some pretty poorly behaved children.

AmJam04

......................no.



lol.

KatWAG

kittykatkoo said:

We decided that the children were welcome to the ceremony but parents would have to make arrangements for their children in the evening. (adult-only reception)
This was due to that fact that we have large families and all our cousins were now having children and by the time the kids were added to the guest list, it became way too expensive for us to afford.
Plus we wanted our guests to feel they could have a good time without feeling the need to leave early to put kids to bed. The Majority of the list are far out-of-towners.

This is actually against etiquette. Guests should do invited to all or nothing. A wedidng isnt two seperate events.

We chose not to have kids at our wedding. It meant that a few people were not able to make it but we stuck firm with our choice.

HobokensFury

Nope. Only the FG and RB. I'm probably gonna get flamed for this but little kids running around a formal wedding can really ruin it. 

Jells2dot0

@Hoboken no flaming over here! I feel EXACTLY the same way. I had an evening reception at a higher end facility and it is not an appropriate place for children.

AJuliaNJ

Sleeper2013 said:

We did not. 1. Because of the venue being a brewery, and 2. My family and friends are breeders. cutting kids trimmed our guest list from over 400 to a more manageable 265.

Did you get a lot of pushback about the kids? I thought we wouldn't since we didn't have any close family member kids, but we did. 

I'm super bummed because we planned to have an adults-only wedding and some guests from far away assumed their kids were invited and booked a flight. While I don't think these 2 kids (8 and 10 years old) are going to ruin our wedding, I worry about what the other guests who couldn't bring children will think. We just aren't telling anyone in advance and if they bring it up at the wedding, we'll tell the truth. My FI says if people say anything negative after the explanation, we should take that as our one opportunity to tell someone, "it's OUR wedding and we'll do what we want."

OjitosVerdes

AndreaJulia said:

Sleeper2013 said:

We did not. 1. Because of the venue being a brewery, and 2. My family and friends are breeders. cutting kids trimmed our guest list from over 400 to a more manageable 265.

Did you get a lot of pushback about the kids? I thought we wouldn't since we didn't have any close family member kids, but we did. 

I'm super bummed because we planned to have an adults-only wedding and some guests from far away assumed their kids were invited and booked a flight. While I don't think these 2 kids (8 and 10 years old) are going to ruin our wedding, I worry about what the other guests who couldn't bring children will think. We just aren't telling anyone in advance and if they bring it up at the wedding, we'll tell the truth. My FI says if people say anything negative after the explanation, we should take that as our one opportunity to tell someone, "it's OUR wedding and we'll do what we want."

We're in a similar position.  We are having a childless wedding with the exception of our nieces and nephews who are in the bridal party. However it is a destination wedding for half of our guest list and we also have guests that want to bring their children and make a vacation out of it. If it were only a couple I'd do exactly what you're doing. Just ignore it and hope no one says anything. In our case, it is more than a handful so we're making it very clear on the RSVP cards who is invited to the wedding (#____ seats have been reserved in your honor), but are including info in our invites for Red Cross/CPR trained sitters that our venue has worked with before that can watch the children at the venue in a "kids room" with pizza, movies, etc. I understand people that are traveling thousands of miles wanting to bring the kids, but we simply can't (and don't want to) accommodate them at the wedding. 

AJuliaNJ

OjitosVerdes said:

AndreaJulia said:

Sleeper2013 said:

We did not. 1. Because of the venue being a brewery, and 2. My family and friends are breeders. cutting kids trimmed our guest list from over 400 to a more manageable 265.

Did you get a lot of pushback about the kids? I thought we wouldn't since we didn't have any close family member kids, but we did. 

I'm super bummed because we planned to have an adults-only wedding and some guests from far away assumed their kids were invited and booked a flight. While I don't think these 2 kids (8 and 10 years old) are going to ruin our wedding, I worry about what the other guests who couldn't bring children will think. We just aren't telling anyone in advance and if they bring it up at the wedding, we'll tell the truth. My FI says if people say anything negative after the explanation, we should take that as our one opportunity to tell someone, "it's OUR wedding and we'll do what we want."

We're in a similar position.  We are having a childless wedding with the exception of our nieces and nephews who are in the bridal party. However it is a destination wedding for half of our guest list and we also have guests that want to bring their children and make a vacation out of it. If it were only a couple I'd do exactly what you're doing. Just ignore it and hope no one says anything. In our case, it is more than a handful so we're making it very clear on the RSVP cards who is invited to the wedding (#____ seats have been reserved in your honor), but are including info in our invites for Red Cross/CPR trained sitters that our venue has worked with before that can watch the children at the venue in a "kids room" with pizza, movies, etc. I understand people that are traveling thousands of miles wanting to bring the kids, but we simply can't (and don't want to) accommodate them at the wedding. 

Good idea. How have people reacted?

I think we're stuck. The guy is an important person in FI's field. We can't create too big of a stink over it. It is also annoying because who do we sit with the only kids at the wedding? I don't even know if they are well-behaved.

OjitosVerdes

Good idea. How have people reacted?

I think we're stuck. The guy is an important person in FI's field. We can't create too big of a stink over it. It is also annoying because who do we sit with the only kids at the wedding? I don't even know if they are well-behaved.

People have been pretty good about it so far! *fingers crossed* Most of the OOT people bringing kids are family, so I've let my mom be the bearer of bad news and break it to them gently via word of mouth, as our invites haven't gone out yet. I think they're happy that the kids will still be there onsite, and they can pop out of the reception at any time to check on them. 

Your case is a little trickier because of politics.  I'm guessing you won't even notice them there, but it's still frustrating that mom and dad assumed they'd be invited and now you feel like you're stuck. I understand your concern about the other guests and what they'll think (we worry about that too b/c of our nieces and nephews), but if anyone brings it up to you you might just say something about them having to travel a long distance and a sitter not being an option. 

AJuliaNJ

Sleeper2013 said:

AndreaJulia said:

Sleeper2013 said:

We did not. 1. Because of the venue being a brewery, and 2. My family and friends are breeders. cutting kids trimmed our guest list from over 400 to a more manageable 265.

Did you get a lot of pushback about the kids? I thought we wouldn't since we didn't have any close family member kids, but we did. 

I'm super bummed because we planned to have an adults-only wedding and some guests from far away assumed their kids were invited and booked a flight. While I don't think these 2 kids (8 and 10 years old) are going to ruin our wedding, I worry about what the other guests who couldn't bring children will think. We just aren't telling anyone in advance and if they bring it up at the wedding, we'll tell the truth. My FI says if people say anything negative after the explanation, we should take that as our one opportunity to tell someone, "it's OUR wedding and we'll do what we want."

We didn't, which was shocking considering our circles are not used to child-free events.  

We determined fairly early on that we were going to invite adults only.  After we made the decision, we let a few key friends and all our grandmothers know (to help spread the word).  I'm sure some (especially our families) weren't happy and maybe a few of the declines we got were because of it, but no one said anything.  Out of everyone, we only had one family who misunderstood the invitation and added their kids to the RSVP card.  H just called and apologized for the confusion, and they were totally cool.

We did however, have a pretty large rehearsal dinner (we invited extra friends and family and all OOT guests to the rehearsal dinner in addition to parents and wedding party), and although I know it's technically against etiquette, we verbally told our guests that we understood finding childcare for two nights in a row could be a hardship/or they just might not want to be without their kids for both weekend nights, so if they wanted to they were welcome to bring their children on Friday evening.  Out of about 50, only one brought their baby.  I was really surprised.

For your OOT guest in question, if you decide to allow them to bring their children.  You might want to consider at least alerting them to the fact that there probably won't be any other kids there.  That could not only be an uncomfortable situation for you, but them.  They could feel out of place and embarrassed.  And you could end up doing way more harm to the relationship that way.

Good point. The father had told FI in an e-mail and we discussed it and figured out we'd allow it. However, I don't know if FI told him we were making an exception or if he acted like it was fine all along.

lyndausvi

OOT wedding for 100% of our guests.

We only invited my 7 nieces/nephews.

No complaints I'm aware off.  All of our guests who had young children still attended the wedding.

akaneli

Yes. We are having lots! Lost count lol. Our families and friends all have kids, ranging in ages. We have a little one too so for us it was a no brainier. It's who we are. We have adjusted our wedding to accommodate the kids where we can just to make its easier for everyone who opts to bring their kids. Though we know many people won't we didn't want it to be a reason for them to decline.

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mrssjm

We are having children at our wedding because my FI and I each have our own boys, 3 and 7 years old. We also have nieces and nephews. Also my FI's family is from Brazil so we really would like to see all of the family.

swyatt2014

We are only allowing children if they are in the wedding party (I think there will be 3 or 4 kids total). Outside of that, we have a policy that no one under 21 is permitted since the reception is open bar. We posted this on our wedding website and we haven't received any feedback yet, but the website has only been up for about a month. But we chose this because we didn't want to add an extra 30 names to the guest list. At about $130-140 per person, we just decided lets not do it. People will be drinking and I want them to have fun and not worry about tending to their children. I hope all can secure a baby sitter and make it since we are letting them know 11 months in advance  ... if not, then I hope they don't take it personally.

Tulips29

Question - how do you indicate that kids are not allowed? We've been to a number of weddings over the last few years and none of the invitations stated anything about kids. Maybe it's a cultural thing, but I couldn't possibly write on the invitations no kids allowed. Most of our friends have kids now and plenty have said that they will make arrangements to leave kids at home so they can party at our wedding. Our venue allows kids under 5 for free and under 12 for half price. We decided to leave it up to the guests and ask on the rsvp cards to indicate if any kids under 12 will be in attendance. 

Jells2dot0

Tulips29 said:

Question - how do you indicate that kids are not allowed? We've been to a number of weddings over the last few years and none of the invitations stated anything about kids. Maybe it's a cultural thing, but I couldn't possibly write on the invitations no kids allowed. Most of our friends have kids now and plenty have said that they will make arrangements to leave kids at home so they can party at our wedding. Our venue allows kids under 5 for free and under 12 for half price. We decided to leave it up to the guests and ask on the rsvp cards to indicate if any kids under 12 will be in attendance. 

I go by how the invitation is addressed. If it says "Mr and Mrs Smith" and nothing is written on the inner envelope, then it's just the adults. If it says "The Smith Family" and nothing is written on the inner envelope, then it means everyone in the family, including kids. However, sometimes people use the inner envelope to indicate who is invited. For example, let's say you want to send an invite to a couple but that couple does not live together. You would address it to "Miss Smith" on the outer envelope, but on the inner, indicate "Miss Smith and Mr. Jones." In the case of children, it may say "Mr. and Mrs Smith" on the outer, but on the inner, it may say "Mr and Mrs. Smith/ Miss Smith/Master Smith (depending on if it's a boy or a girl or both). It's confusing, but there should be some indication on how everything is addressed.

Tulips29

Jells2dot0 said:

Tulips29 said:

Question - how do you indicate that kids are not allowed? We've been to a number of weddings over the last few years and none of the invitations stated anything about kids. Maybe it's a cultural thing, but I couldn't possibly write on the invitations no kids allowed. Most of our friends have kids now and plenty have said that they will make arrangements to leave kids at home so they can party at our wedding. Our venue allows kids under 5 for free and under 12 for half price. We decided to leave it up to the guests and ask on the rsvp cards to indicate if any kids under 12 will be in attendance. 

I go by how the invitation is addressed. If it says "Mr and Mrs Smith" and nothing is written on the inner envelope, then it's just the adults. If it says "The Smith Family" and nothing is written on the inner envelope, then it means everyone in the family, including kids. However, sometimes people use the inner envelope to indicate who is invited. For example, let's say you want to send an invite to a couple but that couple does not live together. You would address it to "Miss Smith" on the outer envelope, but on the inner, indicate "Miss Smith and Mr. Jones." In the case of children, it may say "Mr. and Mrs Smith" on the outer, but on the inner, it may say "Mr and Mrs. Smith/ Miss Smith/Master Smith (depending on if it's a boy or a girl or both). It's confusing, but there should be some indication on how everything is addressed.

Thank you, this makes sense. Though I am running into a problem with large families who live together and some members of the family have different last names. So to make my life easier, I thought I'll just address those envelopes as "The Smith Family". In some cases, these families have kids and in our culture it would be considered offensive to leave anyone out. Thus, I don't think I can exclude kids. I guess I'll just see how many kids I get based on the responses and then figure out if I want to do a kids table or sit the kids with their parents. 

angelica101511

We did not have kids except RB and FG, and our nephew (RB brother). Nobody else. In my invites, I included the card that said "we have reserved __ seats in your honor" aka your five kids can't come. Then they'd choose what they wanted to eat, sea bass or beef tenderloin, or vegetarian.

dcbride86

We are inviting family kids (FI has 7 nieces and nephews), but that’s it.  Too many of FI’s friends have kids, and if we invited them, it would take a huge chunk out of our guest list.  Family kids is an easy rule – people understand it, because you’re only making an exception for family, not for any friends.

Mbecker912

We are only having my FI niece and nephews who are in the wedding party the flower girl, ring bearer and page but instead of holding my sign he is holding a sign saying "here comes the bride"