Wedding Party

Overbearing Bridesmaid...gone wild!

It all started the very day after we got engaged. I got probably around 40 texts asking what I want to do about venues/dresses/dates etc etc. I was so overwhelmed, couldn't I just enjoy being engaged for awhile? She was even starting to hammer out all the details for the bachelorette/bridal week into the engagement. When I had asked her to be a bridesmaid, I never thought that she would ever be this way. She had had her wedding a few months prior, and was not interested in planning it at all!

I started to just take her suggestions with stride and even stopped talking to her about wedding stuff unless she asked. Things seemed to have calmed down, until my other bridesmaids started mentioning that she has been sending many messages to them about planning the bachelorette/bridal shower. Keeping in mind, the wedding is 8 months away....

I decided to ask her about it. She told me what had been discussed, and mentioned that a couple of the other girls don't say much, and even called them "slackers". I told her not to worry about it, that they are probably busy right now with their own lives, and that it is still way to early to think about it. 

Five minutes after telling her this, another BM text me to say she had sent another message to all of them about games for the bridal shower. "We should decide now so its not last minute". 

For now I've just told the other girls to not respond to such messages. I'm really worried that this is all going to start drama and tension with my girls! I don't know what to do anymore!

Re: Overbearing Bridesmaid...gone wild!

  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I think telling the other BMs not to respond to her was correct.

    That said, you don't want Mrs. Overbearing calling the shots at your wedding, so I think you should tell her, "BM, my other bridesmaids and I would appreciate it if you wouldn't pressure us regarding plans for my wedding and not call them names like 'slackers.' You're not entitled to expect anything from them beyond basic politeness, so stop trying to give them orders.  It's creating unnecessary tension and hostility that none of us need."
  • itzMSitzMS
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    edited January 2013
    OP, don't worry about it. I don't think you should try to take sides at the moment.

    I've been in wedding parties with pushy MOH/BMs like her. I either ignore the bossy requests or respond with "So sorry, I'm not able to help out with ____."

    As the bride, any time she asks what you're doing about ____, you can say "Susie, you're so kind to offer your help/advice with ____, but FI and I have it handled. I'll let you know if we need anything."
  • I agree with the suggestion given.  She is probably just trying to be helpful as many people think there are many duties while in a wedding party.  I'd also tell her that you asked her to be a bridesmaid because you value her friendship and she doesn't need to do any of the "heavy lifting", so to say.

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