Be Mine? Bridesmaid Cards

SandDD

I’m hoping you guys can get some creative juices flowing to me!   

I want to preface this by saying I know some people will think asking BP members is too early for a Sept 2011 wedding.  BUT this is just family & best friends that I’m doing now. I will wait to do the full BP closer to a year out, just to be safe!  These people are not going to be shocked when I ask them so I wanted to do something fun to make it “official”! 

My thought was—send them Valentine’s day cards!! I was thinking like old school like “Be Mine” on the front and something bridesmaidy on the back? I could do the designing and just print them out myself or go through a free vistaprint code if needed.  Thoughts? Too cheesy? 

MyNameIsNot

1) Asking this early is a terrible idea.  You can't unask, and tons of things can change between now and then.  You should wait until this time next year to ask anyone.  Even if nothing changes with the relaitonships or the wedding, you ruin the excitement.  Asking them when it's time to do stuff means they'll still be excited to get dresses.

2) When the time comes, remember that the honor is being asked, not how you ask.  Most people ask either over the phone or in person, and make a heartfelt expression of what the friend means before asking.  Much more meaningful than some card.

emilyinchile

Just out of curiousity, who else would be in your WP besides family and best friends? In my book that's everyone.

Why do you feel the need to ask them this early? You may well be right that you won't have any drama with these people, but there's nothing they need to do for months. Asking now increases the chance of them getting burned out on your wedding and you feeling like they don't care as a result. It seems to me like there are no benefits to asking early and possible (if unlikely) problems, so waiting is best.

FWIW, I don't think a card is necessary, but if you want to do that I think your idea's cute.

bablingbrooke

Please dont' ask them yet.  Even the most enthusiastic friends will get weddinged out.  And frankly no one wants to deal with a bride for that long, even if it is a close friend or family member.  If you want to ask this early, you're getting ahead of yourself on wedding planning and no one will be as into it when the time comes.

So many threads asking "how can I kick the BM out?" are from brides who thought two years out "this girl is my BFF, no way will we EVER have drama so I'll totally ask her now!"  Most of the time it's a good friend and they've drifted apart.

And why do you need a card anyway?  If you and your friends always do cutesy stuff like that, fine.  But if not, it seems like it would be awkward.  Call them and ask them.  I've never been asked with a cute little card/poem/cookie/cupcake/collage/tattoo and have never felt slighted.  The honor is in being asked, not in how they are asked.

SandDD

I understand those concerns and appreciate the time you ladies took to provide feedback. Maybe I can explain a little more of the thought process: my parents are throwing an engagement party for us in April, so I thought it would look odd having no wedding party.  Like, who am I really kidding with saying I haven’t decided my Bridal Party? Plus, I've attended an engagement party where I was a BM and took the opportunity to chat with the other BM’s and get to know them a bit. It was nice!

trix1223

The other ladies are completely correct.  I know, I know~these are your closest friends, and NOTHING will happen to change that.  I could have said exactly the same thing about a friend with whom I shared a 20 year friendship.  I could call on her for anything, she could call on me for anything. 

I won't go into all the details, but on Nov. 1, it all rell apart.  I would never in a million years have guessed that it could happen, but it did. 

There's really NO compelling reason to ask anyone yet, and a LOT of compelling reasons not to ask.  So please heed the advice of everyone here who is urging you to wait to ask a WP and just enjoy being engaged.

As for the card.  Meh.  Not a fan.  I just think it's another ploy by the wedding industry to separate your from your $$.  Is it a lot of money?  Nope.  But is it necessary?  Nope.

The wedding industry has a deeply vested interest in convincing you that unless everything about your wedding is creative, clever, unique, memorable, interesting, special, your wedding won't be wonderful.  Your wedding will be wonderful, because it's your wedding.

A phone call works even better than a cutesy card, because you'll hear the excitement in the voice of your friends as they accept your invitation.

MyNameIsNot

Why would you need a WP for an engagement party?  I've been to several e-parties, one where I was the MOH.  I've never known or cared who was going to be in the WP. 

What you say is "oh, the wedding is more than a year away.  It's much too early to ask anyone to be in it yet."

stina93446

It's not odd to have no BP at the engagement party. You are thinking about this way too early.

bablingbrooke

Random Guest: "Who are your BMs?"

You: "Oh, we haven't made those decisions yet, we still have so much time.  I'm so glad you came tonight!  How's work/school/your kids/fill-in-the-blank?"

People give this advice for a reason.  Many of us are recently married and have a perspective you don't yet.  And have seen situations that you don't want to risk finding yourself in.

banana468

PPs are exactly right.

There really isn't a need to have the WP laid out at the e party. 

If you do ask now, remember that there's no going back.  If I had a year and a half long engagement today, I'd still ask the same people I did three years ago.  However for many that changes.

stina93446

I asked 14 months ahead not thinking that I should wait....while I didn't fire anyone, I was in a love hate relationship with one of my bms and now we're not as close. Weddings can annoy people, both bms as well as yourself. I say this because my bm was MUCH more excited about my wedding than I was....(she loves weddings and is a wedding photographer) and I kept telling her this. I couldn't talk about any wedding details with her because she would tell me what she thought was better and since she was already married "of course she knew better."

aerinpegadrak

Regardless of your relationships, you should wait to ask your WP until your wedding plans are set in stone.  And I mean contracts signed, non-refundable deposits down stone, not just knowing what you really want.  When we had to scale back from 150 guests to 40, I realized that I'm going to feel really silly with 11 of those people standing up there with us.  I still love them all dearly, but had we known what the wedding would end up being, we wouldn't have asked nearly as many.

Wait wait wait.  You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.