Bridesmaids and Honoraries

brantleybass

I have way too many girls that I would want as my bridesmaids, so can I make like 10 of them my bridesmaids and then like 5 of them honorary bridesmaids???  I don't want to leave them out, because I've been in a couple of their weddings, but how do you ask someone to be an honorary bridesmaid and not a bridesmaid???  What's the proper etiquette for that???

trix1223

An honorary bridesmaid is typically someone who can't be at the wedding~example:  on a military deployment overseas.

If someone can be at your wedding, then calling them an "honorary" bridesmaid is clearly saying:  "Well, you didn't make the varsity team, so suit up and sit the bench".

It's not an honor at all.  Frankly, I'd be more insulted to be called an "honorary BM" than to be just a guest. 

And FWIW:  weddings are NOT tit for tat.  Just because you're a member os someone's WP, the is no reciprocal obligation to have them in your wedding.

Have your friends who are not in the WP attend as guests.

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaids-honoraries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:06625e52-54a2-46e0-862c-f1e89d0da9a2Post:e2dc8226-6dd3-40bd-b123-d2ba0bdd80d2">Bridesmaids and Honoraries</a>:
[QUOTE]I have way too many girls that I would want as my bridesmaids, so can I make like 10 of them my bridesmaids and then like 5 of them honorary bridesmaids???  I don't want to leave them out, because I've been in a couple of their weddings, but how do you ask someone to be an honorary bridesmaid and not a bridesmaid???  What's the proper etiquette for that???
Posted by brantleybass[/QUOTE]

JIC

mbcdefg

Just have them be guests. Or ask some to do readings.

If you want a personal opinion ... if you already have 10 bridesmaids, then what's 5 more? 10 is a huge number on its own.

But you don't need to make someone a bridesmaid just because you were a bridesmaid for her. BMs ought to be your closest friends. Don't include someone (or give them a silly made-up title) just out of guilt or obligation.

xoxob

I don't understand "honorary bridesmaids", even for people who can't be there. "Bridesmaid" is an honorary title, so I feel like it's redundant. Even if someone is a military delployee, can't they just be listed as a "Bridesmaid"? I digress.

Anyway, I am going to say: there is no etiquette for that because it just shouldn't be done.

emilyinchile

Ditto, ditto, ditto.

And yes, I'm jealous of the stina and xoxo picture! I want to play in NYC too!!!

xoxob

I'm jelly of the pic, too! When I get home and can use my photobucket, I am going to update my siggy too, Sept 2011 challenge, be darned! WPB > Sept'11

Emily, come play!

jenn.daniel

That is way to many people.  I think 10 BMs is too many.  Just pick a few of your very closest friends  - I don't think anyone has 15 BEST friends.  The others can be guests.  You can still take pictures with all of them.

CTGirl30

Like xoxob said, "honorary bridesmaid' is redudant. It also makes it sound like the person is deceased - or cannot otherwise be physically present, such as in the example of somone who might be deployed overseas.

And weddings are not tit for tat - so what if Ann asked you to be in her wedding 2 years ago? You do not automatically need to reicprocate and ask her to be in yours if she's not one of your best friends at this point.

10 - nevermind 15 - is a HUGE number of BMs, IMO. That's 10 boquets, 10 dresses to figure out, 10 BM gifts to purchase, hair & makeup for 10 girls, figuring out transportation for a huge crowd...just some things to consider.

Stop and think about if you had a crisis in the middle of the night - who would you call for help? Those girls - and it may end up being 4 of initial group you're considering - should be your BMs. 

Guest is an honor. You can also ask 1 or 2 people to do readings in your ceremony as well.   But skip the fake title. Either someone is a BM or not.

LarissaAnn

Your friends will understand that some of them actually have to be guests; they can't ALL be bridesmaids.

spinner84

Really, you have FIFTEEN best friends? I don't think so... I would choose 3. But if you have siblings, I would choose your sisters only if you're worried about choosing between your friends.