Including my sister

hollister01

My sister and I have never been close but my mom flipped out when she found out I wasn't asking her to be a bridesmaid. I spoke with my aunt about the situation and she agreed with my choice. She suggested, though, that since my flower girl will only just be learning how to walk, I can give my sister the job of walking/carrying my flower girl down the aisle.

Bad idea? Good idea? When I told my mom she said I should give my sister a choice and let her decide what she wants to do. I didn't agree with that at all.

beardownbchs

To me, finding a random job for someone to do during the wedding is worse than having them simply be a guest. Being a guest is an honor too. I would just have her be a guest. If you're not close, she and your mom should understand.

SlothGoals

Don't ask her just because your mom is upset. I agree with beardown that making up a job for her would be worse than just having her as a guest. 

vanityink

As far as "other" jobs go, I don't see walking with the flowergirl as a bad idea, especially if she's so little. My FG is going to be walking with her mother (FSIL) who isn't otherwise in the WP.

mlg78

I see that your MOM is upset...but is your SISTER?  She's the person we're talking about here.  I'm sorry, but your mom is irrelevent in this situation.  Unless your sister is pitching a fit this isn't even remotely an issue...and even if she is, it's your wedding day and I'd hold your ground.

Simply Fated

I have a question... if your flower girl is just learning to walk, than what's your Plan B if not having someone help walk her down? Flower girl's own mother or father?

I mean... you might need someone to help your flower girl down, either way.

I would ask the flower girl's mother or father to help with this.

Asking your sister is not an honour or anything. It's literally asking her to help someone you are honoring. But it's not an honour unto itself.

AddieCake

I never like flower girls or ring bearers who can't get themselves down the aisle, so I am really not a fan of having your sister be made to escort the child 

Lored

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_including-my-sister?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:09ad3c3a-d57d-40cc-b2f5-b67c7331db55Post:1eb26734-5d1b-4367-be7e-4becb0d2f020">Including my sister</a>:
[QUOTE]My sister and I have never been close but my mom flipped out when she found out I wasn't asking her to be a bridesmaid. I spoke with my aunt about the situation and she agreed with my choice. She suggested, though, that since my flower girl will only just be learning how to walk, I can give my sister the job of walking/carrying my flower girl down the aisle. Bad idea? Good idea? When I told my mom she said I should give my sister a choice and let her decide what she wants to do. I didn't agree with that at all.
Posted by hollister01[/QUOTE]



Yeah sorry I would just be annoyed about having to walk/carry the flower girl down the aisle. Seems more like a hassle than someone actually wanting to include me in their wedding.

If you want to include her without her being a bridesmaid, can you ask her to do a reading?

If you do not want to include her, then don't. Being invited is an honor in itself. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty. Ask who you love the most to be in your wedding. The end.

thejucheidea

My mom gave me guilt too for not wanting my sister in my wedding party, so I just made her part of it. It wasn't worth the drama to not include her even though I know that I won't be standing with her if she marries her fiance -- I just can't condone that.

I'd just add her to your bridesmaids.

artbyallie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_including-my-sister?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:09ad3c3a-d57d-40cc-b2f5-b67c7331db55Post:1eb26734-5d1b-4367-be7e-4becb0d2f020">Including my sister</a>:
[QUOTE]My sister and I have never been close but my mom flipped out when she found out I wasn't asking her to be a bridesmaid. I spoke with my aunt about the situation and she agreed with my choice. She suggested, though, that since <strong>my flower girl will only just be learning how to walk</strong>, I can give my sister the job of walking/carrying my flower girl down the aisle. Bad idea? Good idea? When I told my mom she said I should give my sister a choice and let her decide what she wants to do. I didn't agree with that at all.
Posted by hollister01[/QUOTE]

<div>How old is your flower girl? If she can't walk now, you don't have any guarantee of when she'll learn. It really sounds like she's too young to be in the wedding anyway and certainly should be carried if you insist on having her anyway. But she should be carried by her mother or grandmother.</div><div>
</div><div>I agree with PPs that you shouldn't give your sister a 'job' just to have her in the wedding and appease your mom.</div>

lyndsay782

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_including-my-sister?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:09ad3c3a-d57d-40cc-b2f5-b67c7331db55Post:d05ec0d2-a0ec-4dc9-ac99-6c6fcad0058e">Re: Including my sister</a>:
[QUOTE] I agree with PPs that you shouldn't give your sister a 'job' just to have her in the wedding and appease your mom.
Posted by artbyallie[/QUOTE]
^^^^^ THIS!<div>
</div><div>When my sister got married a few years ago, I was her go to for all things wedding related. And then three months before the wedding I found out I wasn't even being considered for a bridal party position.  My younger sister was, but not me(the one she talks to daily).  So, I was hurt that I was dealing with bridezilla and not even getting to be included. I got over it. Then at the last minute (the night before) bridezilla continued to rear her ugly head, and demanded that I do the reading at her ceremony, because at rehearsal she realized she didn't have a reader.  The day of, since I was the only one not being in photos, she had me act as ceremony/reception coordinator because it was suggested that I do "something".  I felt like I was not only not wanted, but like I was being given the crap jobs simply because I was her sister, and my participation was expected in some capacity or another because my mother told her so. (Even though my mom was the one who told her not to include me, long story)</div><div>
</div><div>Don't give her a token job just to try and please your mom, or make you feel less guilty.  It will just hurt her feelings in the long run.  Mine still are. </div>

lyndsay782

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_including-my-sister?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:09ad3c3a-d57d-40cc-b2f5-b67c7331db55Post:cf40607c-8e0f-4264-aad5-3e20294419f2">Re: Including my sister</a>:
[QUOTE]Lyndsay, you should have stood up for yourself and said NO to that witch.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

<div>I thought about it, but when it comes to my family, (especially my sister and mother) It's best to just avoid the drama, and at the time, that was my goal.  In hindsight, I should have.  
</div>