.

stevens23146

In Response to Re:MOH pregnant, Calls today and DROPS OUT:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:MOH pregnant, Calls today and DROPS OUT:In Response to Re:MOH pregnant, Calls today and DROPS OUT: I didnt say that either. I typed, thats the way" I feel"... Trust that im happy, were already talking about baby showers and trying to pick boy/girl names... I really just wanted suggestions on where to go from herePosted by stevens23146You invite her to the wedding as a guest.nbsp; You don't replace her with someone else.nbsp; You accept the fact that things don't always go the way you want them and sometimes life has other plans.nbsp; You keep on being excited for her new little onenbsp;which I am sure she is still excited for you and your wedding. Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

Yea, I agree with you. I guess my post was taking out of context since I didnt share all the details. lesson learned .. I appreciate all of the opinions/feedback. It has help me to stop "stressing" off of it. Esp since my FH is finishing up his last few classes for undergrad so I didnt want to somewhat distract him w/my "bridexilla" moment.....

stevens23146

In Response to Re:MOH pregnant, Calls today and DROPS OUT:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:MOH pregnant, Calls today and DROPS OUT:In Response to Re:MOH pregnant, Calls today and DROPS OUT: I didnt say that either. I typed, thats the way" I feel"... Trust that im happy, were already talking about baby showers and trying to pick boy/girl names... I really just wanted suggestions on where to go from herePosted by stevens23146You don't.nbsp; Give her space with the wedding planning and continue to be supportive to her.nbsp; If she comes around before the wedding, take the advice above about finding a suitable dress for her at that time.nbsp; If she doesn't, you don't need a MOH and definitely don't promote a BM up to it.nbsp; Don't request that they throw you a shower or bparty.nbsp; If you really want a night out, you can organize a girl's night out with them, but it's not a bachelorette party unless thrown for you.nbsp; Your day will still go on.nbsp; Posted by lwoehlk[/QUOTE]

Thank you!

renegade gaucho

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-pregnant-calls-today-and-drops-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:0a767b33-d550-4cf4-abb8-e40c52b47327Post:d80974dd-7031-49a9-a14f-a300d7961633">Re:MOH pregnant, Calls today and DROPS OUT</a>:
[QUOTE]Again, she is my cousin so regardless of whatever challenges come our way, were still family!
Posted by stevens23146[/QUOTE]

That doesn't give you a free pass to be rude to her.  She's not obligated to put up with you and your judgmental attitude just because you share DNA.

In any case, I don't see what the problem is.  You said in the beginning that you had considered asking her to step down, and now she's stepped down on her own.  You got what you wanted, so why are you complaining?

LDubHawksFan

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-pregnant-calls-today-and-drops-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:0a767b33-d550-4cf4-abb8-e40c52b47327Post:dad1a4aa-a2aa-41ed-99a9-040405ab76ee">Re:MOH pregnant, Calls today and DROPS OUT</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:MOH pregnant, Calls today and DROPS OUT: Yea, I agree with you. I guess my post was taking out of context since I didnt share all the details. lesson learned .. I appreciate all of the opinions/feedback. It has help me to stop "stressing" off of it. Esp since my FH is finishing up his last few classes for undergrad so I didnt want to somewhat distract him w/my "bridexilla" moment.....
Posted by stevens23146[/QUOTE]

I found these forums to be really helpful during my planning.  And yes, I had a bad idea or two that I ran by the girls on my month board and got the sense knocked into me pretty quickly.  It's easy to get wrapped up in things and get overwhelmed, but just try to remember that others aren't going to care nearly as much about anything wedding related as you, and don't treat those involved in your day any different than you would at any other time (like if you weren't getting married, would these thoughts and stress have ever gone through your head when finding out your cousin accidentally got pregnant?!  You seem reasonable, so I'm going to go out on a limb and say no).  Feel free to come with any problems.  Good luck, and congrats about another family member on the way!

KJiras

I'm really surprised by the number of intensely harsh responses on here, especially from commenters who have seem to have gotten married within the past few years. 

Letter writer...I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt that you came on here to vent, and you most likely didn't come off this calous to your cousin. You seem to be less than three months out from your wedding, things are getting hectic, and you're getting overwhelmed. Know that it's a very special milestone, but the day (and all the other special parties surrounding it) will come and go and family is forever. If your cousin's pregnancy was a surprise she's experiencing immense amounts of stress herself and probably isn't the best "problem solver" at the moment and needs some support. Sure, it collided with a hectic and emotional time in your life...but being there for her, and letting the frustration you're feeling drop will be the best thing you can do. Because I think you know the frustration over the dress isn't the most important thing in the world. I'd go back to her and emphasize that you want her there with you on that day - in any dress she can fit into. Try to help her find a matching color if possible, and if you can fit it into your budget help her to pay for it because you love her, not because you have to.

I think the second part of the question is that you know she was planning some of the traditional bridal events...and you don't want to "ask" for them by someone else because that is akward and feels rude, but you were looking forward to them which is normal! This is where the other comments on here bothered me, sure nobody is entitled to a shower or bachelorette but they are special and fun! I'm sure most people on here had some variation, no matter how casual or laid back. My suggestion is, if she absolutely doesn't want to be a part of the bridal party, just give the heads up to the other bridesmaids and Moms that this was a difficult time for her to be party of a wedding party, and you understand. Odds are they were somehow involved in the planning process, or were planning on attending and will figure out how to resume the planning amongst themselves. They just have to be aware so they aren't assuming your cousin is handling things.

mcda04

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-pregnant-calls-today-and-drops-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:0a767b33-d550-4cf4-abb8-e40c52b47327Post:e9ffffcb-5dd5-4aed-90a2-aaa5df47d945">Re: MOH pregnant, Calls today and DROPS OUT</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I'm really surprised by the number of intensely harsh responses on here, especially from commenters who have seem to have gotten married within the past few years</strong>. 
Posted by KJiras[/QUOTE]

What is this supposed to mean?

I agree with your first paragraph in that the OP should be there for her cousin but the second paragraph not so much. You are wrong; not all of us get a special party, it's not ANYBODY'S responsibility to throw a party in your honor. Are they nice? Yes of course but everyone has a life and responsibilities that don't include me so I can't expect my friends / loved ones to plan and spend money on me for no reason.

OP; Your "should've used protection" comment was just nasty and insensitive. It proves you're immature and cousin or not; I would cut all relationships with you.

GoodLuckBear14

Actually KJiras no, I did not have any type of pre-wedding parties and didn't miss them one bit.

What OP wrote is all we have to go on and when someone comes across as self-centered and childish as she did, she is not going to get the benefit of the doubt. 

KJiras

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-pregnant-calls-today-and-drops-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:0a767b33-d550-4cf4-abb8-e40c52b47327Post:3b34b18f-b75b-4d65-b8e1-707587cbb144">Re: MOH pregnant, Calls today and DROPS OUT</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH pregnant, Calls today and DROPS OUT : What is this supposed to mean? I agree with your first paragraph in that the OP should be there for her cousin but the second paragraph not so much. You are wrong; not all of us get a special party, it's not ANYBODY'S responsibility to throw a party in your honor. Are they nice? Yes of course but everyone has a life and responsibilities that don't include me so I can't expect my friends / loved ones to plan and spend money on me for no reason. OP; Your "should've used protection" comment was just nasty and insensitive. It proves you're immature and cousin or not; I would cut all relationships with you.
Posted by mcda04[/QUOTE]

<div>It means just what I said - I'm surprised people get so itensely harsh on wedding related message boards, especially when they've already gone through the process themselves. I'm surprised people are still interested in seeking and/or offering opinions on this stuff after they're done with the planning process.  For the record, I never said it was anybody's responsibility to throw me a party, nor do I think every wedding celebration has to have one. I've been in weddings where the bride was excited by the idea, and in ones where the bride didn't want a shower. I was always excited to do something special for the bride even if it was just a small lunch date, but now that I'm planning a wedding I just want my loved ones by my side...regardless of showers or bachelorettes - those are just surprising extras. So I hope she resolves this so she can have that too.  </div>

LiLe422

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-pregnant-calls-today-and-drops-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:0a767b33-d550-4cf4-abb8-e40c52b47327Post:effae839-2020-4c02-a5a6-58bf1eb10fce">Re: MOH pregnant, Calls today and DROPS OUT</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH pregnant, Calls today and DROPS OUT : It means just what I said - I'm surprised people get so itensely harsh on wedding related message boards, especially when they've already gone through the process themselves.<strong> I'm surprised people are still interested in seeking and/or offering opinions on this stuff after they're done with the planning process.</strong>  For the record, I never said it was anybody's responsibility to throw me a party, nor do I think every wedding celebration has to have one. I've been in weddings where the bride was excited by the idea, and in ones where the bride didn't want a shower. I was always excited to do something special for the bride even if it was just a small lunch date, but now that I'm planning a wedding I just want my loved ones by my side...regardless of showers or bachelorettes - those are just surprising extras. So I hope she resolves this so she can have that too.  
Posted by KJiras[/QUOTE]

If the marrieds didn't stick around, it would be the blind leading the blind.

mcda04

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-pregnant-calls-today-and-drops-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:0a767b33-d550-4cf4-abb8-e40c52b47327Post:effae839-2020-4c02-a5a6-58bf1eb10fce">Re: MOH pregnant, Calls today and DROPS OUT</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH pregnant, Calls today and DROPS OUT : It means just what I said - I'm surprised people get so itensely harsh on wedding related message boards, especially when they've already gone through the process themselves. I'm surprised people are still interested in seeking and/or offering opinions on this stuff after they're done with the planning process.  For the record, I never said it was anybody's responsibility to throw me a party, nor do I think every wedding celebration has to have one. I've been in weddings where the bride was excited by the idea, and in ones where the bride didn't want a shower. I was always excited to do something special for the bride even if it was just a small lunch date, but now that I'm planning a wedding I just want my loved ones by my side...regardless of showers or bachelorettes - those are just surprising extras. So I hope she resolves this so she can have that too.  
Posted by KJiras[/QUOTE]

The planning process should not be stressful; if it is you're doing it all wrong. Planning a wedding reception should be like any other party. You need food, drinks, and loved ones. The most important part of the wedding is the ceremony for which you need a bride, groom, officiant and attire, any bride that is STRESSED out needs to remember that after everything goes "wrong" during the reception, she is still MARRIED.

P.S. I don't think anybody was "harsh" to the OP. When you post, people can only comment based on the information you provide. OP came off as shallow, insensitive, and self-centered so the comments were appropriate.

stevens23146

Again, I appreciate all of you opinions.. It has shown me things from a different perspective. I understand. THANK YOU AND HAVE A GOOD DAY!

GoodLuckBear14

And now OP you have just done one of the rudest things you can do on an internet forum - you DD'd (Dirty Delete).

KateH2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-pregnant-calls-today-and-drops-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:0a767b33-d550-4cf4-abb8-e40c52b47327Post:e717ea3b-ff2d-4483-b6f5-977d0c367039">Re:MOH pregnant, Calls today and DROPS OUT</a>:
[QUOTE]OP, I am almost hoping that someday your choice of contraceptive fails you, leaving you helplessly looking at the yawning abyss of a life change that you didn't necessarily want, or can't afford. <strong>And then I hope your closest friend sits in judgement of you, fails to support you, and does nothing but whine at you about how aweful your decisions are. It's a cold, scary, and lonely place that some people don't come out of.</strong> Seriously, have you never taken sex ed? No contraceptive is 100 percent effective. None. But go ahead and hold biology against her. Help women everywhere retain the blame for being female. Who needs progress or friends.
Posted by Peledreamsofrain[/QUOTE]

<div>This hits the nail right on the head, OP. Unless you've faced a surprise like this, you have NO idea what she's going through. I've been there. My support system was NOT there for me, said horrible things to me about it even after a miscarriage. This was family and there is no relationship with this person because of it - even 6 years later. Just because she's your cousin doesn't mean she'll roll over and take whatever you have to say about this. And just because you may not actually SAY something specific like "I feel like it's not my fault" - she'll be able to sense it. </div>

daveANDkristen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-pregnant-calls-today-and-drops-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:0a767b33-d550-4cf4-abb8-e40c52b47327Post:e9ffffcb-5dd5-4aed-90a2-aaa5df47d945">Re: MOH pregnant, Calls today and DROPS OUT</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm really surprised by the number of intensely harsh responses on here, especially <strong>from commenters who have seem to have gotten married within the past few years.</strong>  Letter writer...I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt that you came on here to vent, and you most likely didn't come off this calous to your cousin. You seem to be less than three months out from your wedding, things are getting hectic, and you're getting overwhelmed. Know that it's a very special milestone, but the day (and all the other special parties surrounding it) will come and go and family is forever. If your cousin's pregnancy was a surprise she's experiencing immense amounts of stress herself and probably isn't the best "problem solver" at the moment and needs some support. Sure, it collided with a hectic and emotional time in your life...but being there for her, and letting the frustration you're feeling drop will be the best thing you can do. Because I think you know the frustration over the dress isn't the most important thing in the world. I'd go back to her and emphasize that you want her there with you on that day - in any dress she can fit into. Try to help her find a matching color if possible, and if you can fit it into your budget help her to pay for it because you love her, not because you have to. I think the second part of the question is that you know she was planning some of the traditional bridal events...and you don't want to "ask" for them by someone else because that is akward and feels rude, but you were looking forward to them which is normal! This is where the other comments on here bothered me, sure nobody is entitled to a shower or bachelorette but they are special and fun! I'm sure most people on here had some variation, no matter how casual or laid back. <strong>My suggestion is</strong>, if she absolutely doesn't want to be a part of the bridal party, just give the heads up to the other bridesmaids and Moms that this was a difficult time for her to be party of a wedding party, and you understand. Odds are they were somehow involved in the planning process, or were planning on attending and will figure out how to resume the planning amongst themselves. They just have to be aware so they aren't assuming your cousin is handling things.
Posted by KJiras[/QUOTE]

1st bolded: Yep, I got married four months ago.  Must be a married old hag now!  I'm not sure where you newbs think you're going to get advice on these boards if no one here had planned a wedding before...

2nd bolded: I suggested the same thing last night.  I also said that just because the cousin is freaked out and doesn't want to be MOH anymore (regardless of the reason) does not automatically mean that she will ditch the shower she already started planning.  Who's to say someone's cousin couldn't throw them a shower?  I don't think OP should assume that all of these plans are destroyed unless she hears otherwise.

daveANDkristen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-pregnant-calls-today-and-drops-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:0a767b33-d550-4cf4-abb8-e40c52b47327Post:51b7571e-b9a6-4e6e-ba8c-be04321d081a">Re: I GET IT! U CAN STOP POSTING NOW</a>:
[QUOTE]Again, I appreciate all of you opinions.. It has shown me things from a different perspective. I understand. THANK YOU AND HAVE A GOOD DAY!
Posted by stevens23146[/QUOTE]

<img src="http://images.luvimages.com/luvphotos/g/good_day_sir_gif-393.jpg" border="0" alt="" />

NYCMercedes

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-pregnant-calls-today-and-drops-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:0a767b33-d550-4cf4-abb8-e40c52b47327Post:51b7571e-b9a6-4e6e-ba8c-be04321d081a">Re: I GET IT! U CAN STOP POSTING NOW</a>:
[QUOTE]... THANK YOU AND HAVE A GOOD DAY!
Posted by stevens23146[/QUOTE]

This is just plain rude. You attack everyone and say your final piece so that you hopefully end the discussion on your terms. Then you summarily dismiss everyone by shouting your last words.