Bridesmaid's newborn at the wedding

SML422

Hello all! I need help.

One of my BMs will have her baby six weeks before my wedding.  While we are having a no-kids wedding, she said that for newborns, mom and baby can't be separated for long.  BM wants to have a babysitter at the wedding, so that BM can be with her baby, but also participate in the festivities.  I want to be fair to her, since it is her first baby, but I also really want to avoid 1) crying at the ceremony; and 2) paying for another guest (babysitter) at the reception.  Is it okay to allow the babysitter to care for the baby at the back of the church for the ceremony, then BM needs to care for her baby at the reception?  Or is that just allowing a babysitter when it is convenient for me?

misssunshine17

Honestly, I think you should do whatever you BM wants.

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaids-newborn-at-the-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:0b8cf8f2-e487-4649-8b23-c5f9bece4809Post:0a3f009a-952c-4e3f-b2f8-fda53217336e">Bridesmaid's newborn at the wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]Hello all! I need help. One of my BMs will have her baby six weeks before my wedding.  While we are having a no-kids wedding, she said that for newborns, mom and baby can't be separated for long.  BM wants to have a babysitter at the wedding, so that BM can be with her baby, but also participate in the festivities.  I want to be fair to her, since it is her first baby, but I also really want to avoid 1) crying at the ceremony; and 2) paying for another guest (babysitter) at the reception.  Is it okay to allow the babysitter to care for the baby at the back of the church for the ceremony, then BM needs to care for her baby at the reception?  Or is that just allowing a babysitter when it is convenient for me?
Posted by SML422[/QUOTE]
Quick question... the baby's father is not coming, I'm guessing?

Either way... she's paying for the baby-sitter? I'd feel a little weird about inviting someone to my wedding that's working for someone else. But I'd wait to see what happens. This BM might feel differently when the baby is actually here. I suggest going with the flow and if she needs a baby-sitter, go with it. I mean, it's a small price to pay if that's what's needed in order for her to attend.

MrsMuq

Newborns need to feed and be changed every 2-3 hours, after which they'll sleep for a bit and be up to do it all over again. Your BM's priority, one way or another, is going to be her newborn and not your wedding.

I assume she's your friend and would advise you do everything possible to accomodate her.

AddieCake

I don't think paying for one extra guest to accommodate your friend so she can be there for you is asking too much. Let her have the babysitter and whatever else she needs.

Peledreamsofrain

Ditto to what MissMuq said.  Newborns don't cry overly much except every two hours if you don't feed them.  They haven't figured out yet that crying= cuddles, so no worries about temper tantrums.

Every two hours her baby will start making a hilarious sour lemon face before crying. Whoever has the baby, if they have two braincells to rub together will notice, feed the baby, the baby will sleep.  Rinse and repeat with a sprinkle of diaper changes (seriously this baby will be too young to even cry over dirty diapers yet).

Your BM is not blowing smoke at you about seperating from the baby either.  If she is breastfeeding, she'll need to relieve herself of milk every two hours as well.  Feeding the baby is fastest and most efficient.  She can try to pump, but pumping takes fooooooooreeeeeeeveeeeeeer to do (think 20 to 30 minutes as opposed to 10 to 15).

Everyone will be less miserable if your BM can just take a 15 minute time out every two hours or so with her child.  Seperating them will just give you more headaches, not less. 

My sister did this during the wedding with her new baby, and it worked out very smoothly.  Plus we put my neice in an adorable little dress and took some cute pictures with her as a family.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaids-newborn-at-the-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:0b8cf8f2-e487-4649-8b23-c5f9bece4809Post:e32b17f8-009e-40c1-bcc2-3b8258dc2715">Re: Bridesmaid's newborn at the wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think paying for one extra guest to accommodate your friend so she can be there for you is asking too much. Let her have the babysitter and whatever else she needs.
Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

This. My sister may invite her friend to our wedding as a babysitter, and her baby's 10 months. It'll still allow my sister to enjoy a little more MOH time and allow my nephew to be happy and well taken care of. My mom and I had no issue with the extra plate to allow this.

SML422

Thanks all.  I totally get that she can't and shouldn't be separated from her brand new baby.  I just wondered if it would be okay if she took care of her own baby at the reception (perhaps handing baby off to her mom if she needed to do bridemaid things), since bridesmaids don't really need to do much at the reception.  This way, we could get away with adding to our guest count.  We're paying for our wedding ourselves, so sometimes I need to remember that it's just money :)Sounds like the consensus is invite the babysitter!  Appreciate the thoughts.

SML422

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaids-newborn-at-the-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:0b8cf8f2-e487-4649-8b23-c5f9bece4809Post:64456855-3bea-453e-b3f1-74c87247894f">Re: Bridesmaid's newborn at the wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Bridesmaid's newborn at the wedding : Quick question... the baby's father is not coming, I'm guessing? Either way... she's paying for the baby-sitter? I'd feel a little weird about inviting someone to my wedding that's working for someone else. But I'd wait to see what happens. This BM might feel differently when the baby is actually here. I suggest going with the flow and if she needs a baby-sitter, go with it. I mean, it's a small price to pay if that's what's needed in order for her to attend.
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

No, no dad coming, and the babysitter is a friend of hers who nannies.  It's really just about the cost, and reshuffling our guest list a litte to make some room :)  Not ideal, but still worth it, I think!

jemmini6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaids-newborn-at-the-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:0b8cf8f2-e487-4649-8b23-c5f9bece4809Post:96bf9430-6729-47cf-969c-bd9712618106">Re: Bridesmaid's newborn at the wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks all.  I totally get that she can't and shouldn't be separated from her brand new baby.  I just wondered if it would be okay if she took care of her own baby at the reception (perhaps handing baby off to her mom if she needed to do bridemaid things), since bridesmaids don't really need to do much at the reception.  This way, we could get away with adding to our guest count.  We're paying for our wedding ourselves, so sometimes I need to remember that it's just money :)Sounds like the consensus is invite the babysitter!  Appreciate the thoughts.
Posted by SML422[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Did she buy a BM dress?  Is she hosting/attending a bridal shower or bachelorette party?  Typically, BMs shell out a good amount of money to be in a wedding, the least you could do pay for one more meal so that she can actually enjoy it.  In the grand scheme of things, one more meal probably isn't a budget buster and you'll have the comfort to know that your dear friend can share your day without worrying about her newborn.</div><div>
</div><div>(I know you've already reached the conclusion that you'll invite the babysitter, but I just wanted to point that out to help you feel better about the additional cost. :-D )</div><div>
</div>

jennyd412

Additionally, does your reception space have a place where she can take care of the baby's needs? My friend's wife is pregnant and due in April. My weddig is in June and I plan to offer the bridal suite for nursing/diaper changing. Either way your friend will need to find a place to do these things, but thinking about it in advance and checking with the venue (if needed) would be a nice gesture.

lpowers1118

I have to say I hope I don't come off as cold hearted but if the father isn't coming to the wedding why isn't he at home taking care of the baby?  I have worked for a day for 7 years and babys are allowed to come to daycare starting at 6 weeks.  Mothers provide prefilled bottles of breast milk or formula for us.  This seems weird to me that the father wouldn't take care of the baby while the mother is at a wedding.  Is he untrustworthy that he cannot be left alone for 8 or so hours to take care of his kid?
Unless i'm misunderstanding what is going on here and the mother asked for the babysitter. Usually parents don't just let anyone be a babysitter, especially one hired by someone else. 

kerrimur

Two of my BMs have booked extra rooms at our hotel venue for sitters. One of the BMs kids are in the wedding flower girls and ring bearers but she said shortly after they are introduced she is having the sitter come take them to the room. She even has the sitter coming to the church with a car in case the kids get "cranky" or hungry. Her kids have been in a few weddings along with her and her husband- she has this down to a science! From what she's said, it's hard being a parent and in the wedding party. You want to be as involved as you can while still tending to your child. Also that a sitter or someong not in the party to occupy the child during pictures is huge!

The second BM will have a 5 month old baby that she's breastfeeding. She got the room so she could go and feed the lil baby in peace and relax for a bit.

Both BMs came to their choice on their own. I should probably point out these BMs are my sister and my FI's sister.