Asking BM & GM's

virgojazzchick0913

My FI and I are in the process of buying a house right now, but aren't getting married until Sept. of 2014.  I'm planning on sending out an e-vite to everyone we want in our bridal party and have them all over at our new house for a celebration (and to let them know their in the party).  What I would like to get people's opinions on is if i should invite my 2 friends I want to be readers and my cousin who I would like to be wedding planner/personal attendant.  What do you guys think?  Should we invite them all? or just the Bridal party?

Maggie0829

Woah, hold up.  Do not ask anyone to be in your wedding party until you are about 8 months to a year out.  You do not know what could happend between now and then.  Relationships can change.  And once you ask you cannot take it back.

And you want your cousin to be your wedding planner and personal attendant (aka bridal b$tch)?  Is she a wedding planner?  If so you should hire her and pay her for her service.  Also, has she even mentioned wanting to help you plan your wedding?  You don't just appoint someone that position unless they are a paid professional.

And a personal attendant is a completely unncessary and thankless job.  You do not need to have someone running around for you all day.  You are a big girl and can get your own bottle of water and find your own extra bobby pins.

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_asking-bm-gms?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:0c919836-f2f9-4359-8f9c-6096aee7af37Post:fb95ec78-e8db-410c-ae00-e48da7b13f6d">Asking BM & GM's</a>:
[QUOTE]My FI and I are in the process of buying a house right now, but aren't getting married until Sept. of 2014.  I'm planning on sending out an e-vite to everyone we want in our bridal party and have them all over at our new house for a celebration (and to let them know their in the party).  What I would like to get people's opinions on is if i should invite my 2 friends I want to be readers and my cousin who I would like to be wedding planner/personal attendant.  What do you guys think?  Should we invite them all? or just the Bridal party?
Posted by virgojazzchick0913[/QUOTE]

JIC.

itzMS

Wait to ask your bridal party until at least September 2013.

Focus on enjoying your FI and new house. Choose the wedding party officially closer to the date as relationships and plans can (and likely will) change.

FWIW, it is rude to have a "personal attendant" unless you're paying her.

Peledreamsofrain

Ditto on waiting to ask, you'd be amazed how many brides come here with horror stories of relationships suddenly souring in the bridal party. Also, I'd advise that you ask in person or over the phone. An evite isn't very personal. And please don't assign tasks, jobs, attendants, etc. Your wedding party should be treated as guests of honor. You'd never make a guest in your home do chores at a dinner party, and neither should your guests work at your wedding.

harper0813

Please wait a while to have this party. Like others said, choose closer to your date to allow time for your relationships to change. No sooner than a year out - but 6-8 months out is even better.

As for "telling them" they're in your party - give them the option of being in your party. It should be a question, rather than an order. And leave out the readers, as it might be hurtful to them.

As for the personal attendant - unless you're paying your cousin to do this for you, please don't have one. I was one last year, and to say it's hurtful is an understatement. I no longer speak to this friend.

Maggie0829

Also you should ask each person privately if they want to be in your wedding party.  Getting them all together and asking them as a group could put undo pressure on some to say yes when financially or for other reasons really do not want to be a part of it.

AddieCake

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_asking-bm-gms?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:0c919836-f2f9-4359-8f9c-6096aee7af37Post:fb95ec78-e8db-410c-ae00-e48da7b13f6d">Asking BM & GM's</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>my cousin who I would like to be wedding planner/personal attendant.</strong>  
Posted by virgojazzchick0913[/QUOTE]

<div>A wedding planner is someone you pay to help plan and coordinate your wedding,like contacting vendors, setting up appointments, etc. What sort of "attending" will you be needing from your cousin?</div>

cbrown828

I completely agree with Maggie. Slow your roll.

FWIW, I once helped a college friend out as a "day-of coordinator" of sorts. It stemmed from a conversation about her wedding (which I was attending anyway), and her worrying over some logistcal concerns and me offering some advice/solutions. I felt like an important part of her wedding day and was so happy to help. Now, if she had just approached me and said "Hey you're pretty organized, do this for me" we would have a had a completely different conversation.

vanityink

Also, if your wedding is so far away, do you know your guestlist/where/what time/etc for your wedding yet? One of the first things we did was ask our WP and luckily it's gone fine for us (about 13 months and no awful falling out or anything like that) but we also asked before we figured out our wedding budget or what we were really doing. At this point we're having a much smaller wedding than we might have originally thought (spent most the money on a down payment for a house and chose to have something really small) and we probably would have cut down the wedding party with everything else if we hadn't already asked (it's now a BIG wedding party at a LITTLE wedding). My two cents at least.

And yeah, unless she's a professional wedding planner, that's sort of a crappy thing to do to your cousin (wedding planning is time consuming as he!l) and if she is a wedding planner, you should offer to pay her for her help. She may say no, in that case, and do it as your gift possibly, but don't ask someone to be your unpaid help...

Blue_Bird

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_asking-bm-gms?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:0c919836-f2f9-4359-8f9c-6096aee7af37Post:fb95ec78-e8db-410c-ae00-e48da7b13f6d">Asking BM & GM's</a>:
[QUOTE]My FI and I are in the process of buying a house right now, but aren't getting married until Sept. of 2014.  I'm planning on sending out an e-vite to everyone we want in our bridal party and have them all over at our new house for a celebration (and to let them know their in the party).  What I would like to get people's opinions on is if i should invite my 2 friends I want to be readers and my cousin who I would like to be wedding planner/personal attendant.  What do you guys think?  Should we invite them all? or just the Bridal party?
Posted by virgojazzchick0913[/QUOTE]

Ask them privately to be in your bridal party. I defintely agree that you should wait, but that's up to you. Do not hold a "celebration", as in a party to let them know they've won the bridal part competition, and definitelty do not ask anyone to be your personal attendant/wedding planner/wedding slave. The reader should be asked separately as well. It would be horrible to be invited to a party where the bridal part were announced, and you find out you didn't make the cut.

Summer2011Bride

1. Wait until about 9 months prior to your wedding to ask your BP. As many ladies here can tell you, things happen, even with good friends, and you don't want to ask too early.
2. When you do ask, ask in person or over the phone. E-vites are way impersonal for such a personal thing.
3. Do not have a personal attendant. If you want to honor that girl, then have her be a reader or a BM. A personal attendant is someone who does a bunch of crap jobs for you on your wedding day and should be a paid position if you want a personal helper.
4. Wedding planners are actual jobs that people get paid for. If your cousin is a wedding planner, then by all means ask her if she's interested in you HIRING her to plan. But it is not an "honor" to be tasked with planning someone's wedding for free, so skip it otherwise.