Flower Girl/Ring Bearer not invited to reception??

Sarah Lowry

My brother asked my 3 children ages 2, 4, 6 to be ring bearers and a flower girl in his wedding. They have been talking about it for a year and telling the kids how exciting and fun it will be. Now the wedding is a few weeks away and we have been told they are not invited to the reception. They have 8 children in the wedding party, only the 2 oldest age 11 are invited. Am I wrong to be annoyed/hurt about this? My kids are the only real family on our side, are wellbehaved, and we are a pretty close family. I think they are in the wrong to ask them to be in the wedding and then have them sent home, not allowed to to come to the party with everyone else! Any thoughts appreciated...

calliopeia2013

no, you're not in the wrong; your brother is being incredibly rude.  I understand not wanting younger kids at a reception, but if you don't want younger kids at a reception, you don't invite them to the ceremony, and you CERTAINLY don't ask them to be IN the ceremony and then kick them out of the celebration afterwards.  Your brother wants to have his cake and eat it too, at the expense of you and your family. 

As far as what to do about it, it depends on your relationship with your brother.  I mean, if it were my brother, I would just be like, "Dude, you want to use my kids as props and then kick them out of the party?  Not cool."  But we're really close and have the sort of relationship where we can call each other out on stuff like that.

JaxJ128

wow yea thats really shitty. I am having an adults only reception but the few kids I have in my bridal party are absolutely invited tot he reception! 

Summer2011Bride

Your brother is wrong. They should also be invited to the reception. Like PP said, there's unfortunately much you can do. I would talk to him, tell him the kids were really excited to go to the reception and see if you can bring them. If not, there isn't much else to be done. It sucks.

HobokensFury

Ditto PP. You're right and your brother is wrong.  If your kids are in the wedding they need to be invited to the reception.

GoodLuckBear14

You have every right to be pissed.  Kids in the WP are always invited to the reception, even if it is a no kids reception.

OliveOilsMom

You brother is being rude.  I would call and ask him if your children can be allowed since they are in the wedding party. Call him out on his rudeness of using your children as props and for photo ops.  If he persists and still says they cannot come.  I would not go to the reception at all.  And I would outright say to him, the only reason the children are still in the wedding at this point would be to not upset them further.

vbandell

I dont think your wrong for this,

1 if they are in the wedding and you have put money into their outfits and such, your kids should get a free meal!

2. I get that people dont want kids at their wedding because places ask for no kids if they are a bit messy, but for the ones in the wedding there should be exceptions!!!

Hope you figure this one out, and personally if they do this and you guys are paying for the outfits I would ask them to refund you the cost to put them in the wedding.

jemmini6

What exactly is your brother proposing you do with your children after the ceremony?  Hire a baby sitter to come to the wedding and pick them up?  Or does he expect you to leave and drop them at home with a sitter?

It sucks and your brother is definitely wrong on this one, but only you can determine how far you want to take this.  You can let him know that you're pissed about him expecting you to bring them for the ceremony and then having to find somewhere to dump them for the reception, but do it anyways.  Or you can attend the ceremony with your children and then all go home and miss the reception.  Or worst case is that you remove your children from his WP (worse for your kids than him, especially since he's talked it up to them and got them all excited about it) all together and hire a sitter for the entire night.

Or better yet...send him here, we'll set him straight

banana468

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_flower-girlring-bearer-not-invited-to-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:0d06a6c8-73ca-453c-bf80-7af0cbffb028Post:3df119e1-0581-4dcb-98fe-4ff9473404e1">Flower Girl/Ring Bearer not invited to reception??</a>:
[QUOTE]My brother asked my 3 children ages 2, 4, 6 to be ring bearers and a flower girl in his wedding. They have been talking about it for a year and telling the kids how exciting and fun it will be. Now the wedding is a few weeks away and we have been told they are not invited to the reception. They have 8 children in the wedding party, only the 2 oldest age 11 are invited. Am I wrong to be annoyed/hurt about this? My kids are the only real family on our side, are wellbehaved, and we are a pretty close family. I think they are in the wrong to ask them to be in the wedding and then have them sent home, not allowed to to come to the party with everyone else! Any thoughts appreciated...
Posted by 890531125009407[/QUOTE]

I'd tell brother that the kids aren't in the wedding then.

This is not all that uncommon but it's still incredibly rude and very inappropriate.

expatmrs

I was a flower girl in my aunt and uncle's wedding when I was 12, and I wasn't allowed to go the reception. I am 26 now and I still haven't forgotten about it. Your brother (and I guess his FI) are being very rude, especially to your children who might not remember the wedding, but I'm sure will be told someday that they were in the wedding then not wanted at the reception. Good luck!