1 flower girl and 3 ring bearers?

batimm

I'm having a little trouble deciding on this. I have my flower girl picked out and one of my cousins but my Fiance wants all three of his nephews to be in the wedding. I don't really want to have 3 ring bearers but I'm not sure how to include all of them so none of them feel left out. Any ideas?

banana468

I've been to weddings with multiple FGs and multiple RBs.  It was quite cute as long as the kids are over the age of 4 and know what they're doing.

bablingbrooke

Bear in mind that not every little kid has to be included in the wedding, and most would rather not be a part of it.  If the kids are under 4 or 5, they won't even know what's going on so they won't be offended.  Most parents will also thank you, since it's an extra headache to them, though they're happy to do it and will feel honored.  It's a lot of extra work and expense for parents.

Having said that, have 3 RBs.  We're talking a 30 second walk up the aisle here, and not even one you'll be able to see since you'll be in the back.  Rather than try to invent a job, just ask them to be RBs if you want them in the wedding.  They don't need to be symmetrical.

trix1223

This isn't a hill worth dying on, IMO.  Let the little herd of boys scoot down the aisle and then sit with mom and dad or grandma and grandpa. 

Everyone will "Awwwwwwwww" and then it will be over.  It's 30 seconds, that you won't even see. 

batimm

It's more of the fact that I am very traditional and I would like to have one FG and one RG. My fiance's brother just got married in October and they had the kids be Bell Ringers to include them in the wedding and I was looking for ideas like that since I don't want to copy them. I don't think this is my decision he wants them all in the wedding and I'm just looking for ideas on how to include all of them before making a solid decision if it comes to 3 ring bearers and 1 flower girl then that's how it will be. Also, my cousin who will be my flower girl is my God Daughter so I feel that I am just as close to her as he is to his nephews.

mbcdefg

I'm just curious as to where you are getting the idea of "traditional," though. In all honesty, I can't remember attending a wedding where there was only one flower girl and one ring bearer.

Try to look at it this way ... would you want to exclude kids that you love, or talk your FI out of something he wants, just because something "doesn't look traditional"? Who cares how things will look, as long as you are including people you want and making yourselves/them happy? I don't get why 3 RBs and 1 FG would ever look bad.

It's not at all a bad thing to want things to be "traditional." However, there really ISN'T a "traditional wedding" ... every single wedding is different, because every single couple is different. Otherwise, weddings would all be like boring military drills, where everything has to be exactly the same with no variation or personality to it. And a lot of people would probably get excluded because they don't fit into a quota.

Also, I don't really get how finding alternate roles for the nephews (or finding alternate roles for just two of them, I guess? If you just want 1 RB to your 1 FG?) as something other than ring bearers will make a difference. They're still in the wedding ... instead of carrying a pillow with fake rings on it, they're ringing a bell, or carrying a Bible, or giving out flowers, or whatever. It's not really accomplishing anything other than to say, "I didn't want you as ring bearers because then it wouldn't be even and traditional." It just doesn't really make sense.

I'm not trying to be a jerk or anything. I just genuinely don't get what's wrong with the three nephews all being ring bearers, especially since you are willing to include them in another position. I don't see the difference between 1 FG and 3 RBs; or 1 FG, 1 RB and 2 bell ringers/Bible bearers/flower boys/bubble blowers/program hander-outers/whatever. I mean, if you can find a role that you, FI and the kids all like, by all means do it ... but I don't see a need, personally.

batimm

I guess in every wedding I've been to there has always just been one FG and on RB. That's where I'm getting my "traditional" from. Also, it's more of a thing of cost. We have already talked to both our families about covering the cost for the FG and RB. This is also a tradition that is found with my family. I was just thinking if we could find an alternative then the other kids could just wear nice clothes rather than a suit/tuxedo that my FH has already picked out.

mbcdefg

If you had three ring bearers, couldn't they wear nice clothes anyway, though? There's no law that says they HAVE to wear tuxes.

Lots of department stores (and places like Marshall's, TJ Maxx, etc.) sell nice suits for young boys for good prices. Especially around Easter, Communion time (May) and Christmas. Lots of eBay sellers sell suits and even tuxes for ring bearers. If you are nice enough to cover the cost for them, then if you purchase the clothes rather than rent them, the kids could use them for future events. Maybe their parents would even be willing to chip in a bit if you pick clothes that they could wear in the future (like to holiday family parties, church, weddings where they're a guest, etc.). That way it's more of an investment.

trix1223

There isn't any law at all, anywhere, that says that RBs have to wear a tux.  In fact, I confess to not caring for tuxes on little boys.

They can wear a dress shirt, tie, and dress pants.  You can find a suit that's inexpensive at Target, Marshalls, JC Penney, or Sears.

It almost sounds to me like you're looking for reasons to exclude the little boys rather than include them.

FWIW:  I think that bell ringers is the goofiest thing.  Having "town criers" walking down the aisle ringing bells before the bride comes down is, and this is MY opinion only, an incredibly AWish thing to do.  I'm glad to hear that, whatever your reason is, you're not doing that.

[Deleted User]

I think it is fine. We had 2 FG's and 1 RB. We were almost going to have to 2 RB's. He wore a little tux to match the rest of the GM.

batimm

trix1223 i'm not sure where you are finding that I am trying to exclude these boys. The whole reason why I'm on here asking for IDEAS is to include these boys. If anyone is wondering they will be 5, 5 and 3 at the time of the wedding. All I wanted was some alternative ideas to throw out there and talk about next time all of us got together to talk about it but it doesn't seem like anyone has any so there will just be 3 RBs and 1 FG.

bablingbrooke

You just seemed so hell-bent that they not be RBs that it did beg the question, were you trying to keep them out.  You clarified, that's helpful.  No need to get upset.  If your post is unclear, people will ask for clarification.  No harm, no foul.

trix1223

batimm:  I was just asking because you seemed to shoot down the posts that suggested that it would not be a big deal to have 3 RBs, and that really is the only "role" for little boys in a wedding.  That's where the question came from.

Now on to important things:  where in SD are you?  My dad grew up in the Black Hills and every other summer we went there to visit our family.  I love, love, love SD!

filaw

My impression is you want the 2 other boys to have an excuse to process down the aisle, but now wear the "ring bearer" tux?  Is this correct?

Some people have kids carry a "Here Comes the Bride" banner down the aisle immediately before you process.  I think it's cute, but I know a lot of posters here hate the idea, and will probably tell you that your guests will think it's silly.  *Shrug*, it's an idea.

They could also carry a multitude of other things that match the decor of you wedding but aren't too girly.  Is there anything you will need at the "alter" (aside from the rings) that they could carry in?

I'd also suggest that you try to consider a way of letting all three of them be RB.  I know it sounds "untraditional" and I know there's a money issue involved, but maybe there's a way for it to work.  Is there any way to alleviate the expense of them all wearing the "official" RB tux?  I say this, because I can't imagine how you would choose between the 3.

trix1223

batimm:  It just occurred to me.  Are you aware that the RBs almost never carry the real rings in a wedding?  I'm a church organist, and I don't remember ever having the real rings in possession of a child.  Usually, the BM and/or MOH, or the officiant holds the rings until that part of the ceremony.

I just bring that up so that you'll know that it's not like you'd have more little guys than rings.