Bridesmaid issue

Fracey

I have a bridesmaid that has been a really good friend of mine for about 10 years.  I live in Los Angeles and I'm getting married in New Hampshire where I'm from.  I'm going home next weekend and squeezing a fitting, my bridal shower and bachelorette party into the 48 hours I'll be home.  My sister and MOH sent out the inviations for these about 5 weeks in advance.  My bridesmaid that I mentioned before is opting out of my Shower and Bachelorette party because she'll be on vacation 2 hours from where it will be.  Her vacation starts this weekend and she would have to leave a day early to make it to my shower. And instead of telling me she is trying her best and is sorry she can't make it she decided to send me an outline of all the $$ I would be making her spend if she went. (gas, public transportation etc.)  I'm paying for all the BM's hotel rooms for the wedding and their dresses were $120.  She tells me she barely has money for groceries even though she has money for this vacation (among others) and a brand new car.  I'm really hurt by this and I feel like she's trying to make me feel bad about costing HER money for my wedding stuff.  When I told her this she freaked out and told me she doesn't want to be a bridesmaid anymore.  Which I'm fine with now, but tell me.. Am I wrong here?

duckie1905

She probably thought you'd be mad at her for not attending (even though showers, bach parties, etc are not mandatory events and she has the right to decline like any other guest).  She used the money issue as part of the justification hoping that you wouldn't go bridezilla on her.You don't have any right to comment on how she spends her money (new car, vacation, etc) but I'd be willing to bet that this whole thing stems from something that has nothing to do with you or your wedding but instead from financial issues of her own.Be her friend first.  You may be getting married but perhaps she needs non-wedding related support right now.

dsouldiva

If her financial problems are new she should at least explain it to youI completely disagree, if she doesn't have the money she shouldn't have to explain herself just because you're getting married.Be the bigger person here, phone and apologise and see if she still wants to be a bridesmaid.  You don't want to fall out over this. Yes, she was wrong to have sent you a list of costs but maybe she feels like its all getting too much.Being a bridesmaid is a huge financial commitment, One should never assume that the "honour" of being asked to be a bridesmaid should automatically outweigh the financial sacrifices, she shouldn't have to forego holidays to pay to attend your wedding & related showers etc - I'm not trying to be snarky but I can see why she was upset.