Numbers Issue

lvasilen

I recently got engaged and we have hit a major roadblock/disagreement regarding wedding party. We discussed that I had 6 people that I would want and we agreed to that number, than to include his sister which we agreed too took us to 7. Now I have 7 bridesmaids and he has 5 groomsman and one of them is my cousin. I don't mind giving him people but feel that they should represent him not me. Our wedding isn't until late summer/early fall 2010 but I am a planner so want to get most of it taken care of now vs. later. He is very frustrated that I am pushing him to finalize and find people, and I am frustrated that he hasn't gotten it done. We agreed that the numbers must match as far as girls and guys but don't have any creative ideas how to get there. Suggestions please!

Leah&Christian09

1) Wait until 6-9 months to ask your WP.  Read through this board for tons of examples of people that asked too early and ran into problems.  Your FI is smart to want to wait, and you should listen to him.2) He can have his sister on his side, you can have your cousin on your side.  Sides do not need to be same sex.3) Choosing even numbers over choosing important people sends a message that you care more about some dated picture of a WP than you do about your friends.  Put the people that are closest to you on either side, and don't worry about forcing even numbers.  You're going to end up either asking people you don't really care about or excluding important people.

mbcdefg

My suggestion would be to stop treating people like placeholders and fill-ins, and just pick people you LIKE. Seriously. It's not that hard. You're making what should be an honor into a pageant.

lvasilen

Thanks for the replies so far, I don't think either of us are loosing sight of the honor associated. We felt it necessary to get rolling on the WP as it is going to be on a holiday weekend... I am sure it will all work out for the best.

LarissaAnn

Why on earth MUST your sides be even?

LouLou222

In addition to what's already been said, I just want to caution you about trying to get too much done ahead of time.  I'm a planner as well; I make lists and like having items checked off.  But it sounds like you're already frustrating your FI, and I was in the same boat.  FI became really frustrated and told me that I wasn't making this any fun when I got on him for what he was "supposed" to do.  Gave me a BIG wake-up call.You have plenty of time.  I know it seems like you have so much do, but there will be months where you won't have a thing a do.  Don't hassle your FI because it will take the specialness away from your wedding.  Planning it together should be fun.  Really, I know it's hard when you have things you want done, but this is probably the best time in your life when you can be practicing patience.

trix1223

I too am a planner, but there are other things you can plan now. Your WP should NOT be one of them. Want to know why? Scroll down this board and read the countless posts from peple who have chosen WPs so early, and now regret their decision. They are now asking how they can kick someone out. There isn't any reason, absolutely NONE, to have a WP now. There's nothing they need to do. If your FI is becoming overwhelmed by your "planning", you need to listen to him and reconsider your planning. Finally, WPs are not about symmetry. WPs are not about gender. They are about having the people you care most about standing next to you as you say your vows. You shouldn't be "giving him people", You pick your attendants. He picks his attendants. Even if the numbers don't match, you'll still be married right? Your pictures will still show a bride and groom radiantly happy right? Will you really be counting the number of people standing around you?

ffmaid

Numbers should not have to match because by saying number must match you are saying that numbers matter more then the people those numbers represent   However if you care more about numbers then people have his sister be a groomsmaid and stand on his side then you have 6 and 6    

mbcdefg

Also, the fact that you titled this post "Numbers Issue" shows that you're more concerned about even sides rather than the actual people involved. Really, let the even sides thing go. It's a crummy way to treat people. I'm not being snarky here ... just because bridal magazines and websites and movies and maybe your parents are telling you that you "have to have even sides" doesn't mean that it's always the right thing to do. People's feelings count entirely more than even sides. Your wedding is over in a few hours, but these people will hopefully be in your life for a very long time afterward. How would YOU feel if you found out that you were included in (or excluded from) someone's wedding simply because they wanted even sides?

cravecase

We had wanted even numbers...we asked our wedding party 6 months before hand and I just had a bridesmaid go MIA and drop out.  Pick who you want, who is important to you and dont worry about numbers...double up no one will care.  If you start finding 'fillers' who knows what will happen...I thought she was a good friend of mine and she is no where to be found.

LarissaAnn

It's true, things happen. DH & I each asked 5 because it just worked out that way. One of mine said no, so I had 4 & he had 5. Then one of his GM got into an argument with him and dropped out, so it was even again at 4 & 4... then another BM dropped out because she couldn't get out of the Navy to come to the wedding. So we ended up at 3 & 4. It was nutty.