Rehearsal No Shows

Carrie10Ann

Two of my fiance's groomsmen have just let us know that they will not be attending the rehearsal at all.  Our wedding is in 17 days.  For both of them, they are coming in from St. Louis to Chicago where the wedding is.  I don't really know how to reiterate to them that the rehersal is really important.  One of them just recently got married and his now wife would have flipped out if two people were not showing up.  The second one just recently got engaged, so may not know that the rehearsal is important at all.  I know I cannot force them to come (they basically forgot to ask off work until now and thier bosses now said no).  How do I run the rehearsal without them and how do I make sure they get filled in properly before the ceremony the next day so that everything goes smoothly?  We are having a full Catholic ceremony and neither of them are Catholic so they don't really know any of the differences...

mbcdefg

The other groomsmen can fill them in that morning, on where they need to stand and which bridesmaid they'll be escorting. I would just not put them at the head of the line ... let them follow the guys who WILL be at the rehearsal. If they're doing double-duty as ushers, again, they can follow the other guys' lead. It's not rocket science. They can figure it out. And for what it's worth, I'm also Catholic, and I don't really see a difference between a Catholic Nuptial Mass and a secular ceremony. If they're not Catholic, then they wouldn't be Eucharistic Ministers or anything, so I don't really see what you're so worried about them not knowing the difference. As far as when to stand/kneel/whatever, they can just do what the other guys do.  

LarissaAnn

I wouldn't worry. It's easy to follow, and like pp said... I'm not Catholic but was in a Catholic wedding without a rehearsal. I just followed everyone else with when to stand or sit.

mbcdefg

I'm also Catholic, and I don't really see a difference between a Catholic Nuptial Mass and a secular ceremony.Let me clarify ... I don't see a difference, in terms of what the wedding party members need to do. Not in terms of the ceremonies themselves.

ffmaid

Lets call these GM bob and jim You let the other Gm know that they are walking with bob in front of them and jim behind or jim in fromt and steve behind ect. The morning of groom tells gm hey guys the walking order is brian bob, steve jim on the entrance on exit brian your escorting sarah bob your with barbie steve your with mary and jim you lucky guy you are with amy and julie Easy 2 minutes done  

Leah&Christian09

The GM can figure it out.  Ask the bestman or one of the other GM to be in charge of filling these two in on the day of the wedding.  Make sure he knows where they are supposed to be in the lineup and everything.  I also had a catholic ceremony.  GM really don't do anything.  Ours stood at the front with my H during the processional.  Then they sat down in the first pew during the mass.  No one on my H's side were catholic, but they managed to watch everyone to see when to sit/stand/kneel.  They didn't step back up during the vows, and they didn't have to get up for communion.  They just sat there.  Then at the end, they processed back down the aisle with the rest of the WP.  Easy Peasy. 

banana468

Unless you're asking these GM to take part in bringing up the gifts, you can fill them in on the Nuptial Mass aspects now as they're essentially the same for guests at a Nuptial Mass as they are for Parishioners attending weekend Mass. At your rehearsal, just have the coordinator (or person conducting the rehearsal) tell one of the GM what he will be doing.  From there the GM can fill in the other guys on what they're doing.The only things they should actually 'do' are escorting guests to their seats and walking in the processional and recessional.

duckie1905

I don't really know how to reiterate to them that the rehersal is really important.You don't because it isn't really important to anyone but you.  They don't need assistance to walk down the aisle and I'm sure anything special they need to do they can learn in a few minutes from someone that was there.Just let it go.  I've been to many a Catholic wedding and have never seen anything that needed to be learned in advance.

banana468

BTW, are you really sure that they 'forgot' to ask off work?  It's more than possible that they just can't take the time.   You need to understand that though and move on.

paula2131

Agree... it's not rocket science.  My brother didn't make it to my rehearsal and managed to walk my mom down the aisle without a manual.  If your wedding is on a Saturday, it's entirely possible they are choosing to fly on a Saturday instead of Friday because it's usually much cheaper and far less chaotic.  And if they're driving - same thing.  Great advice someone gave me -- if something goes "wrong" at your wedding, chances are YOU will be the only one who knows.  Congrats!

Carrie10Ann

Thank you ladies, this does make me feel better about the situation...As for being "upset that they wont travel to practice walking for 20 minutes" NO, that is not the case and never was.  I think we all know that things turn stressful when you feel like people are not really caring that everything goes well.  The two guys are really good guys, but yes, they did "forget" to ask off work until this last week.  That is basically what they told my fiance unless they are lying to him - but I don't believe they would do that.

mbcdefg

Just playing Devil's Advocate ... I know a LOT of people are afraid to ask for time off in this recession. A friend of mine was actually fired when she asked to take some vacation time. It might be possible that they're afraid for their jobs and don't want to admit it. Or who knows, maybe they DID forget. I've worked some jobs where you needed at least a month or two's notice to take a vacation day (and yI'd STILL got a hard time about it), and other jobs where you could tell them the day before that you wouldn't be in tomorrow and they were fine with it. So maybe they're on a new routine?

stahlop

I was a BM in a wedding and couldn't attend the rehearsal.  They just told me who to walk with and where to go the day of the wedding.  No big deal.  And, I was a completely different religion (me Jewish, wedding Christian) and had no problems following along.