Wedding Party

Am I being unreasonable?


Re: Am I being unreasonable?

  • I agree that he should not be at the home the morning of.. That is just ridiculous.  None of my BM's boyfriends were at the house with us and everyone was OOT.   If he really does not know anyone else, make plans with the other SOs so he has someone to hang out with.  In my group there would be a ton of guys willing to 'take care' of the boyfriend.Everything else you are being unreasonable about.  2 of my Bm showed up the night of the rehersal and left the morning after the wedding.  They didn't help us with anything with the wedding and that was fine.  We didn't need their help anyway.

    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • Shan, I agree that it's perfectly OK to say, "You know, I really want the morning of to be private and just girls,"That may mean that the BM opts not to come which IMO makes her silly but the OP needs to deal if the BM decides that.  Hopefully both parties can compromise to come to a solution that makes sense and keeps everyone happy.
  • You are not being rude.  This is your day and she is your friend.  He is not, and they should both understand that.  
  • She is your bridesmaid and friend, and he is her boyfriend and her guest. He should be invited to the rehearsal dinner. I can u/s you having an issue with him hanging out with the ladies, but you may have to oversee that..doesn't seem like he knows anyone there to hang with.
  • When you are a bride or groom, IT IS YOUR DAY!!  No one else's! As a bridesmaid I would never dream of telling the bride that I wasn't going to go along with her game plan. It's ridiculous! That's just what you do when you are a bridesmaid. I do think the bridal party's dates should be invited to the RD, but I do not think that you are making any crazy demands-it's normal wedding stuff and IMHO it is really weird that your BM would invite her boyfriend to get ready at your house...and I don't know a single guy who would WANT to either!
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  • When you are a bride or groom, IT IS YOUR DAY!! No one else's!Danalyn, that notion is only supported if the bride or groom choose to elope.  As soon as they involve others, that statement stops being true.
  • I have NEVER said that my BM had to do anything for me. They choose to help me. I don't sit at home and make phone calls to them telling them what to do. I get phone calls from my FRIENDS asking me what they can do to help me. I am not going to stop them from helping if they want to. Nobody is arguing this point. People are arguing that they should not be REQUIRED to. I don't understand what you're trying to correct me on, because we're both making the same point ... these "duties" and stuff are things they do IF THEY WANT TO, not because they "have" to. You're going around in circles here.
  • Wow, this got pretty heated. Let me clarify a few things: I have been friends with this girl for the past 10 years, and it's very important to me that she be in my wedding. I can't really imagine doing it without her, we've been through everything together. That is why I asked her to be a bridesmaid. I didn't ask her because I think she'll throw me a great party or buy me an expensive gift. I don't even care if she gets me a gift. I really didn't mean that she had to be at the rehearsal because it's her "job", I should have said I just want her there. Her boyfriend is a touchy topic between us, because I think he's a jerk. He called her fat, and no he didn't just imply it, he called her fat. She wears a size 2, in no way is she fat! He's done other things that are just wrong, and I think he's bad for her emotionally. They met online and have only been dating a couple months. I don't mind if he comes to the wedding, but she told me that if he didn't come to my house with her before the wedding, and if he couldn't come to the rehearsal and the dinner that she wasn't sure she could be in the wedding because it wouldn't be fair not to spend time with him while he's in time. That hurt my feelings because to me it feels like she's more concerned about spending time with him than being with me on one of the most important days of my life. I'm not sure where it all stands as of now, I told her he's more than welcome to come to the rehearsal and the dinner following, but I was looking forward to the morning with the girls before the ceremony. But if she can't come over, that I understand. At this point I will be happy if she just makes it to the wedding. Thoughts?
  • I think that's perfect.  You're including him in the social aspects where you're also including the significant others of other people.Then the pre-wedding stuff the morning of is for you and your girls.  That's very fair.Hopefully in the meantime you can talk to her about what a wonderful person she is.  This guy does sound like a jerk but it's awfully hard for some people to realize what a bad relationship is until it's over.
  • ditto banana.. it sounds prefect.

    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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