Wedding Party

what do I do now?

I asked my childhood friend if she would be MOH... unfortunately I only have an e-mail address (as well as Facebook) to get in touch with her so while I would otherwise have asked her in person, e-mail was really my only recourse (she and I both have busy schedules). We haven't been in touch for the past few years but we were friends for 10+ years and she was my all time best friend, so I wanted to extend the honor to her and let her know I was thinking of her. I wasn't counting on a yes as I know she is busy but any answer at all would be nice. That's where the problem is. I contacted her a week ago and let her know the date of the wedding (she asked) and I haven't gotten a reply (although she has plenty of time to update her facebook a number of times a day). In the last message she gave a story about how she's busy and whatnot (although two weeks ago she went out of state to attend a wedding and has plenty of messages from her friends about going out to do stuff). I don't care if her answer is 'no', I guess I'm just peeved that she isn't replying. Am I right in thinking she's being a flake? Should I just forget her and go on with my plans to have my brother's girlfriend/fiance as MOH?

Re: what do I do now?

  • MOH should be your closest friend. I get that you have a history with this girl, and I agree that you don't need to talk every single day to be best friends ... but if you only have an e-mail address for her then honestly I think it's a bit odd that you consider her your closest friend. And if you REALLY wanted your brother's FI as MOH, then you should've asked her in the first place. Asking her to be your MOH just because your other friend didn't get back to you is pretty insulting. You don't need a MOH at all ... having all bridesmaids, or nobody at all, is perfectly fine. Now - seeing as how you haven't talked to this girl in several years, I'm willing to bet that she may have thought it was odd that you'd ask her to be your MOH. I would touch base with her once more through Facebook, and ask for her phone number so you can call her and talk. If she doesn't answer, then my guess is that she doesn't want to do it.
  • salt78salt78 member
    I'm unclear as to why you would have asked her in the first place. You weren't expecting a yes so then you were going to go with a standby?You ask your closest friend to be your MOH.
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  • What's your overall friendship like now?  How were things before you asked her?Give her a week or so.  Then call her and see how she's doing.  If you get into a conversation then say, "Hey, I know you haven't answered me on my question from a while ago.  I'm not the least bit offended if you want to say no however please let me know."
  • Also, realize that it'd be REALLY awkward if the childhood friend doesn't get back to you, then you ask your brother's girlfriend to be MOH, then the childhood friend suddenly gets back to you after that and says she'll be MOH. Childhood Friend will realize that you quickly moved on and found a replacement (and maybe think that all you wanted was a warm body in the MOH spot, rather than a good friend), and the future sister-in-law will realize that she was a second-choice when the first girl didn't respond quickly enough.
  • OR... you could ask both to be co-maids of honor, and if one says no, you still have the other you were thinking of anyway. You don't need a maid of honor, but if you're considering two chicks for the position, you're perfectly free to ask them both and have them share the honor if both say yes.
  • Normal 0 false false false EN-US X-NONE X-NONE MicrosoftInternetExplorer4 /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0in; mso-para-margin-right:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0in; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;} Honestly, I would have been thrilled to have her as MOH… I just remember her and how she could be at times (yes, a bit of a flake) and also the way things are now, so I wasn’t about to get my hopes up. I'll give another week but I really want to move ahead with planning. My wedding is seven months away... if I were simply having my BMs order their dresses that would be one thing but we need plenty of time to make them ourselves (all 3 of my BMs are a bit pinched on their budgets). Yes, I know it’s quite a bit unorthodox to be asking a friend who I haven't been in touch with for a long time. And when I said she's my closest friend I didn't mean currently (not that I currently have much of any friends)... although there has never been another friendship as close as that one which I made when I was 7. I realized, of course, how it might come across to her so I simply told her that I wanted to honor our friendship that we had, even if it doesn't regenerate and continue into the future as we continue to go our separate ways in life (we've simply grown to have different sets of values over the years, I understand this and don’t want to push anything with her). In short, it was a nostalgic idea that would have been nice. Also my brother's FI wasn't a back up, she would have been a second MOH... sort of honoring the old and the new... I thought it'd be a nice theme as I leave behind one part of my life and set forward to begin this new part of my life. I was going to ask her to be MOH after the first friend (if the answer was yes) and explain the nostalgic/sentimental idea. Of course if the answer turned out to be no I’d still be asking my brother’s FI… just forgetting the idea of old and new. I just didn’t expect to be snubbed rather rudely like this and not receive an answer at all.   Also, if anyone knows me they would expect me to ask my best friend of years back, because they’d know my sentimental nature. My wedding is saturated in personal meaning through and through… cultural history, honoring family and friends, mine and FH personal histories, and the like will all be combined in one crazy sort of day. I only hoped to include her or at least show her my appreciation of our friendship (however distant it became) since she was such a big part of my life.
  • Honestly, if someone I hadn't seen or spoken to in years emailed me one day and asked me to be her MOH, I probably would feel awkward in responding and I would put off replying, too, in hopes she'd think that I never got the email.  I'd eventually respond but I'd delay it.  Even if we'd been BFFs for years, the fact that I hadn't seen/talked to that person remotely recently would make it weird for me to accept being MOH.  I would wonder if this girl had any friends, if she was asking me b/c she thought I'd be a good help, is she filling an empty spot, etc.I think your heart is in the right place but I would honestly count on her being a no.  If you want to elaborate on why you asked her, fine.  But I think a better course of action might have been to first reconnect to see if you two are still friends at all (people can change in a few years) and then, if you felt you were still close, then ask her.
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  • You have no way to get in touch with her other than facebook or email?  There's your biggest mistake: asking someone you can't even call on the phone and talk to.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • It is a hard thing to email to tell someone that they donlt me that much. So yes I would ask her for her phone and I would get together and forget mogh for a while and instead focus on teh friendship and reconnecting. moh is not a role to be filled it is an honor to a great friend and honestly it sounds liek you need to work on friendships not bridal party
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