Wedding Party

Sister Expects to be MOH...

So, I'm recently engaged and would like to announce my bridal party choices soon. I have a huge problem though! My older sister recently got married, and I was her MOH.  Even though we aren't really good friends, she doesn't have many close friends so I guess it made sense. I, on the other hand, have a best friend that I want to have as my maid of honor. Do you have any advice on how to tell my sister that I want her as a bridesmaid, not the MOH??
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Re: Sister Expects to be MOH...

  • WAIT to pick your wedding party. If you're recently engaged, you probably don't have a definite date set yet (and no ceremony/reception venues either), right? If your wedding is really in January 2011, there's no need to pick a wedding party this early. There's nothing for them to do this early on. Wait until maybe the 10 month mark and THEN ask. Other than that, relax ... I know you're excited, but honestly you'd be doing yourself a favor to wait. You may get closer to your older sister in the meantime, you may make new friends, you may have a falling out with others. Read through this board for horror stories from people who asked too early (some had problems with sisters, lifelong best friend and future sisters-in-law that could've easily been avoided by asking at a later date, or not asking at all). Once you ask, you really can't un-ask without a problem arising. When the time comes, just say, "Sis, I'd love to have you as a bridesmaid. Would you like to be in the wedding?" You don't owe her an explanation as to why she's not MOH - and hemming and hawing over why she's not MOH will probably just make things worse, so just ask her to be a BM and leave it at that. She can either accept the BM offering, or bow out and be a guest.
  • Ditto MB.Wait until you're a year out to pick your BP.  Then when it's time, just ask her to be a BM.   The other option is to have co-MsOH which is also fine.
  • ditto pps.  Please don't choose a WP yet.  There's really not any reason to do so, and many reasons to wait.If in Feb.-March of 2010 you still feel the same way, you can either ask sis to be a bridesmaid, or have your bff as maid of honor, and your sis as matron of honor since she's now married.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • Once you've waited until less than a year before the wedding, ASK your BMs, don't "announce" whom you've chosen.I would say ask your sister and your friend to be co-MOH.  No hurt feelings, both feel honored.  I think with sisters it's a tricky situation and if one really wants to be MOH, you should do it.  I am saying this as someone who asked her sister to be MOH, whose sister was a brat the entire time, and who has absolutely no regrets. 
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  • My phone call with my sister after she found out about the engagement.Her: I hear you're getting marriedMe: YesHer: Can I be a bridesmaid?Me: NoMy mum was mega upset but my sister and I are anything but close, we never talk, barely see each other and she does nothing but insult me (weight, taste in things) when we are together. It would be too weird to have her standing up for me when we really don't get along and never have. I told my sister all of this and she understood, was happy and we have decided she will read a poem at the wedding instead. So you could handle it as bluntly as me...not reccommended if you like your sister tho!If you are having your sister and a MOH and thats it, why not have Maids of Honor of something. No one is better then the other etc
  • BubbleJ, I wish I could have said that to my sister.  She sabotaged me at my mom's birthday dinner.  There were tears from her and my mom basically made me include my sister as Matron of Honor, even though I am already having two maids of honor (best friend and my niece who is 6 years younger than I am).  I think it's ridiculous that I'm having 3 maids of honor when there are 7 people standing up, but my mom feels like we're family and I just have to include her as a bridesmaid, no matter what.  Good luck!
    image "Always love. Don't wail til the finish line."-Nada Surf
  • i agree with RetreadBride just make her matron of honor. i also had to pick my sister to be my matron of honor to not hurt her feelings but i also had my best friend be my MOH. it saves alot of heartache.
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