Wedding Party

BM dropout

Hi! I have a little problem, my wedding party has turned into Bride Wars! One of my bridesmaids just got engaged about two months after me. The groom's family lives in China and they asked if they could have the wedding July 10th. Well . . .thats my wedding date! We already reserved the ceremony location, reception site, officiants, and photographer, plus informed all our long distance guests - we can't change our date now! So we both agreed it would be too crazy to try to be in each others weddings while having our own, and a double wedding was out of the question. So now I need to ask another girl to be my BM, I have a girl in mind. She's known Steven their whole lives, we just became friends a year or so ago but we really hit it off well. How do I ask her to be a BM without making her feel like a replacement but an honored friend?? Help!

Re: BM dropout

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    So now I need to ask another girl to be my BMNo you don't.If your wedding isn't until July of next year, why not wait until November to ask anyone else.  I don't think it's too late to add BMs, but do it because you want them, not to even up sides.  Before you do anything, make sure you ask yourself whether you will look at your wedding photos and say "Why on earth did I ask that girl, I barely knew her!"  I had uneven sides; I promise you nobody noticed or cared.  DH and I are glad we had the people we love best and who love us best, not some random cousin he barely speaks to filling out the sides because one of his GM wound up not being able to make it (which is what MIL proposed).
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    If she wasn't enough of a friend to be a BM the first time around, then you shouldn't be asking her now. If she was REALLY a good friend, you would've asked her in the first place and overlooked the uneven sides (I assume that's why you didn't ask her, right?). You don't need a replacement. If you didnt' care enough about the friendship to buck tradition and have an uneven bridal party, then she shouldn't be good enough now to be a slot-filler. Just go on with who you have. It's insulting to ask someone to be a replacement, and asking in a cute way won't change that face.
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    why do you need a replacement BM?    

    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    How do I ask her to be a BM without making her feel like a replacement but an honored friend?? Uhm, that's exactly what you are trying to do.  You can't.If she wasn't good enough the first time around, don't ask her.  Go with the BMs you have. 
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    Please don't ask another person to be a replacement  BM.  It does sting when a person finds out that she's not a 'first tier friend'.Just list your friend as an 'honorary BM' and have uneven sides.
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