stressed out

McMurrey's Girl

I am struggling with this wedding party thing... First of all, I have less than three months to plan this entire wedding. Then my sister, who was going to be my moh, started causing all kinds of trouble and (thankfully, in the long run) backed out in a really mean way, and we didn't speak for awhile. I'm still very upset at her. And then there's the fact that we're on an extremely tight budget. We have only one bridesmaid and one groomsman, but we're having to pay for the dress and everything. Plus the flowers and the attendant gifts. And my nephews may be ring bearers, which will add extra expense. The point is...I wish we could just make it ultra-simple, strip it down to the bare minimum, have my mom escorted to her seat, have my dad escort me down the aisle, and then have just the preacher and my fiance and me up there. But everyone keeps wanting to make it bigger, while expecting us to pay for everything, and is very offended if I say things like that. Is there any way to make this day what I want without upsetting everyone? I really want a wedding and love making all the plans but sometimes I wonder if it wouldn't be easier (and cheaper) just to go to the courthouse. I just want...simple.

swans alive

A few questions -- 1. While it's nice, why do you have to pay for the dress for your BM? Unless it's outrageously expensive, BMs do usually cover the cost of their own dress. 2. Also, if you're paying, you get to have the final say on what you do. You want everything simple? Make it simple, and if your family gets offended, then too bad on them. 3. Maybe in your case, going to the courthouse followed by a nice dinner with your nearest and dearest is your best option.

mbcdefg

First off, I don't know why you're saying you have to pay for attendants' attire. You don't HAVE to, you know. As long as you pick an outfit in their price range, then you are not obligated to pay for them. Or since you only have one attendant apiece, you could just ask the girl to wear a nice dress she already owns (maybe something in your wedding color, or a neutral like black or grey or champagne), and ask the guy to wear a suit he already owns. Ask the ring bearers' parents if the kids already have nice outfits they can wear, like dress shirts and slacks. For flowers, do a very simple bouquet for the bridesmaid (even if you go to a grocery store and have them make it, or buy loose flowers and arrange it yourselves), or have her carry one big flower (maybe a sunflower or a lily). Or she could carry a fan or a parasol or a purse, or nothing. The groomsman and the groom could have pocket squares instead of boutonnieres, or nice lapel pins. Gifts can be something as simple as a gift card, or any other item you think they'd like. But frankly, I don't get where you're finding all this stress and not thinking it's "simple" - you only have one attendant apiece! It's not like you have a huge bridal party. Whats' the problem here? If people are pushing you around, reply with a kind but firm NO. That is the way to keep things limited to what you want - people will get over it. And if they hold a grudge against you forever over a stupid wedding decision, f*ck them, you don't need them in your life.

Kati0105

Darla, vendors are not allowed to post on the message boards.  I have reported your post.

banana468

MODERATOR:  Posts that are blatantly advertising a business will be deleted.McMurrey's, why not do as PP suggested?  You don't have to buy the attire and with one attendant, she can wear what she likes.  Attendant gifts don't have to be expensive - just heartfelt.You can't go back but you can have a polite and firm 'no' ready when others want to increase the bridal party against your consent.

laurening

Take a good look at mbcdefg's post. She has some good advice on attire and flowers. You don't have to pay for the wedding party's attire and you CAN simplify it. Who is trying to complicate things? If it's your parents, you just need to be firm and say in a nice way that unless they want to contribute, it's not in your budget. If it's someone else, who cares? It's not their wedding and they have no right to be offended.

trix1223

read mbc's post.  Then do what she says.

peachkins

There is absolutely no reason why you have to do anything with your wedding party that you don't want to do.  Just tell everyone that what you really want is to have a nice, simple wedding ceremony.  Since cost is a reason that many people can understand you could also mention that, although you shouldn't have to justify your decision to anyone.

elijah926

tell them to get over themselves and you will be glad to have the wedding they want as long as they pay for it

mrs.vanscott

OMG! I am so relieved to see someone else in the same position!!!! 6 months to plan and pay, fiance is no help, supertight budget!, really only doing this for my parents and would rather exchange vows on a cliff at the beach. So ready to give up! Is all this worth it?!