Asking another?

spuliafico

I already have my bridal party all set up, best friend is MOH, my 3 sisters and fiance's sister are BM's, and flower girl is friends daughter...but I feel like I should ask another of my friends. She got married last year and while I wasn't in her wedding she's been a huge help to me with mine, as much as to take the reins and make my wedding invitations, and not the kind you buy at Walmart and just print, custom ones. I feel like I should ask her because of how much she's been doing for me but she already knows my bridal party and I don't want to ask her and have it seem like it's a "B-List" invite. My sister did that with over half her party and I felt uncomfortable for the other girls who were asked 3 months before the wedding. (Althought mine's not till May)

salt78

If you really feel like you want her in your wedding party and would love to see her smiling face in your photos for years to come, then ask her.

mbcdefg

If you want to ask her because you've become very close lately, then I'd just say, "I've been thinking it over, and since we've become such good friends I'd like to ask you to be a bridesmaid. Would you want to do it?"If you just want to honor her for helping you out so much, then I would instead write her a nice note and pair it with a small gift of thanks (wine, gift card, box of candy, flowers). "I feel like I should ask her because of how much she's been doing for me" says to me that you are looking for a way to thank her for her help, not so much that you are super-close to her.

EastCoastBride

Ditto mbc.  "why" you are asking is what matters.I asked my 3rd BM well after I asked the others.  HEck- her DH was our best man.  No question our party had been asked.  But when I asked her, I just told her I realized I really wanted her to be in it and she was thrilled to accept.  HOW you ask determines if someone feels like a b-lister.

ffmaid

I woudl not ask her to be a BM just because she is helping you with wedding tasks. I woudl however invite her to the RD and any wedding related parties and maybe even to join you getting ready that day. She already knows she was not asked to be a BM and asking now is not an honor so much as an expense. thank her but do not add to the WP.

spuliafico

I want to ask her cause we are really good friends, she babysat my cat while my aunt was dying in the hospital, took a road trip with me to bring my grandmother home, was the 3rd person to the hospital when my son was born (after MOH and SIL to be), heck when we worked together our last day was the same day and they sent us out to lunch at the same time so we could go together and since we had heard they were having a luncheon for us and that didn't happen we toasted to our last day with daquari's before heading back! I know she wouldn't be a B-Lister, I just don't want her to feel like that! I had wanted to ask her from the beginning but because I have so many sisters (the reason none of them is MOH is that I didn't want to choose cause we're all really close) and my fiance's sister, but she has done so much for me and I constantly feel like she's a BM anyway and I'd absolutely love to have her in the wedding. On the other hand, I almost ended up in her wedding cause one of her BM's was less than supportive and she almost booted her out, so I guess I shouldn't feel that type of hesitation cause I would have known I was B-List! lol

mbcdefg

On the one hand, I notice that you kept listing all these things that she's done for you. Which is awesome, but also makes me wonder if you feel like you need to reciprocate her kindness. Like a PP said, being a BM is an honor, but it also comes with a lot of financial obligations.But on the other hand, a good friend is someone who'd likely do all these kind things for you. People don't do those kinds of things "just to be nice."I just feel like there's a difference between a good friend (someone who goes out of her way for you) versus a close friend (someone you really feel a special bond with). I think BMs should be "close" friends. Know what I mean?But like EastCoast said, I think it's all in HOW you ask her that will make her feel like a second string BM or not. If you just explain that you were originally having family only, but now realize how close she is to you, I think you'll be fine.

LaurenDarling

I was in a similar situation last year, except I was the BM. I had a friend who I hadn't really been close to, but after she came home for the summer we became close and I volunteered to help her out with a bunch of wedding stuff. We had a lot of fun, and became close again, so she asked me to be in her wedding party. I accepted, and had a great time. I didn't feel like it was anything strange, we had just become close again.I don't see her as much anymore cause she moved 2 states away, but we talk a lot more now than we did before her wedding.I'd say if you have a relationship there, and are looking for one post wedding, then do it and ask her. If shes like me, she'd be honored.

banana468

If you think that you'd really like her in your wedding because you think she's a great friend then go for it.  Don't do it if you're trying to do something nice in return for all the stuff she's doing.I'm a late addition BM and I'm thrilled about it. 

spuliafico

I'm definitely not thinking about asking just because she's doing so much to help me, I definitely want to ask her because she's someone important to me!

jeannigirl

Then ask her.