Dress length for maids

angelchld3

Since my fiance and I are having an outdoor wedding during one of the hottest months in Minnesota (so he tells me), I've looked at tea length dresses for my maids. My Matron of Honor (best friend) lives in Washington and my Maid of Honor (sister) lives in Alaska. (I figured it would be fun to give them honored titles since they've both done so much for me and they're excited to get together to split the MOH duties.)They're different body styles and I wanted to make sure they got a dress that they would be comfortable wearing again, I think that's only fair if they have to pay for their dresses. I told them both over e-mail to look through the same retailer and to let me know what styles they would enjoy wearing. The only things I asked them to look for were that they came in espresso and that they were tea length. Otherwise, I had no qualms with the fabric or sleeves or anything else. My sis sent me back several tea lengths and we oo'd and awe'd over them and how adorable she would be in them. My BFF sent me back her links but they were all floorlength. She insisted that I wouldn't want to see her legs at my wedding and that floorlength was the way to go for her. Is it okay that I'm a little miffed over this? She's such a beautiful girl and she had a short dress for her wedding, so I don't really understand her reasoning. Plus, I know that she doesn't enjoy hot weather that much and I'd like her to be as comfortable as possible. I know everyone says the bride is entitled to have what she wants but I'd rather stay as far away from being a bridezilla as possible (I'd love to keep my friends after the wedding). How do I effectively communicate with her that I've not only chosen this length for the look that I want, but also comfort for her in the heat?

bablingbrooke

Would it really be the end of the world if one BM has a floor-length gown? Is it really worth fighting over? I promise you won't notice or care in photos or on the day of the wedding itself.

Leah&Christian09

I know everyone says the bride is entitled to have what she wantsThis is not true, and it is a bad attitude to have toward a wedding.I would remind her one more time that it is going to be hot, but if this girl is telling you she isn't comfortable with tea length, I'd just go with it.  It really isn't going to matter if one is short and the other is long.  It just isn't worth trying to make her.

banana468

Honestly, if you have only two attendants, just let it go.Tea length can be a VERY tricky length to make work.  I thought I wanted it for my BMs but after trying on multiple dresses in tea length, we determined that floor length was the way to go.  It was just a length that flattered everyone, was easier on everyone and didn't make anyone uncomfortable.As you said, they're wearing the dress so what's the harm in saying, "If you want floor length then go for it."  In the meantime, you can ask your sister if floor length works for her.FWIW, I was also married in August and my dress was long too.  The trick was not wearing a full dress.  The other trick is having a dress in a fabric that is not heavy.  Keep both of those things in mind and your attendants will be very happy.

mbcdefg

My two BMs are very short (like, 5 feet even) so I can only assume that tea-length would look really silly on them. I don't think you're wrong for asking for a certain length, but I also think you need to consider your friend's comfort. Maybe tea-length makes her legs look stumpy. If that's the case, then maybe consider knee-length.Or, maybe she's gotten bruises or gained some weight recently and she's self-conscious of her legs. Plus, have your BMs tried on tea-length dresses yet? If they haven't, they should try them on before you make a final decision. And if they look bad on the girls (again, they have a tendency to make some women look stumpy), then it's a moot point anyway and it'd be silly to argue over it before the fact. I dunno. I think you're entitled to have the final say over their dresses, but I also think that it's not worth pissing off a good friend over an article of clothing that she's only going to wear once. I would just suck it up and let her pick a length she's happy with. You're going to be so happy and busy on your wedding day that you won't notice if her skirt length isn't exactly what you wanted.

angelchld3

Thanks for the replies ladies. I actually have had my sis try on dresses with me since I'm up in Alaska to visit. Again, we're all in different states so I can't really go out with the both of them unless I'm lucky enough to visit. I'd be okay with the floor length if we can come up with a way to do the peek-a-boo color. (Don't know if any of you have seen the dresses at David's Bridal but they have peek-a-boo skirts to give more color to your maids. But it seems like they're only for short skirts.)Is it really all that selfish though to ask her to just try it on?

Leah&Christian09

You can add the color with a sash.My sister was actually in a wedding last year where they wore those peek-a-boo dresses in tea length.  They were brown with pink or ivory sticking out.  One girl didn't want to wear a short dress, so she wore a long one and had a sash that matched. 

bablingbrooke

You can ask her to try it on, but don't force the issue beyond that. I get that it's frustrating and that you're trying your best to make her comfortable. I really do. But if your paramount concern is her comfort, why pus the tea length skirt on her at all if she says she won't be comfortable in that length. Also, don't assume that she won't be comfortable in a long dress. If the fabric is light she'll be comfortable; my BMs wore long light dresses and were perfectly comfortable in 100+ heat. And if she's not, that's her problem for having picked that dress.

angelchld3

Well it's not an assumption about her comfort. It's from what she's complained to me about before from the summers in Washington. It's another reason why I'm trying to have an evening ceremony so it'll be cooler for those that aren't used to the heat. I had planned on having both maids with peek-a-boos and sashes. A full length with the same fabric and color with a sash could possibly work. I'm trying to picture it to get used to the idea. Does anyone have photos of maids that wore tea length and full length in the same bridal party? I'm a very visual person so it may help to see pictures. I've been trying to find some but I figure it might be beneficial to ask you all while I'm still searching.I actually have not talked to her since she sent me the links of her dress because the last thing I want is to explode on my BFF over a dress. That's why I came here, to get more options for the both of us so that we can compromise in a way that makes us both happy. Maybe a way to compromise the whole peek-a-boo thing would be the "cuffs" DB has. (I don't know if anyone has seen those, but they're around the neckline instead of the hem.) Forgive me, I'm thinking outloud now but that seems like another great option. I do agree though if she absolutely has to have full length and ends up being too hot then that is her own darn fault. I'll just put tissues in their bridesmaid kits to blot the sweat before photos

MsFlicka

I think you are overthinking the BM dresses a little. As long as they coordinate, they do not have to match exactly. A lot of people do non-matching bridal parties now days. Ultimately, it is pretty periferal to your wedding. If she will be more comfortable with a long dress, let her wear the long dress. My sister and MOH absolutely would refuse to wear tea length because she is uncomfortable with having her legs exposed, so I kind of get where your BM is coming from. Let her wear a long dress, and let it be one less thing to stress about.

LarissaAnn

Look in my bio - my BMs wore DB floor length dresses with cuffs. No sashes, but you get the idea. The DB site actually has a lot of photos of mixed bridal parties in all different combos of the same color scheme, so you can see how they look together right there. I like 'em a lot.

angelchld3

Thanks! It helps to see it in real life applications (as opposed to a photo studio). I'm really bummed about not being able to go with her to try these sort of things on. lol it's not really so much over thinking the dress, it's over thinking talking to my best friend about the dress. We've both been doing this since we were roommates in college and it's probably the biggest reason we're best friends. We don't like the thought of confronting the other one and tend to blow it out of proportion instead of just sitting down and talking. Thanks to the ladies that have helped me find an option. I've e-mailed her about it. Just asked her to at least try on the tea length dresses but if she's still uncomfortable that she can go with the floor length and she can customize it with any type of sleeves she'd like.

alliecarrie41

i dont see any issue with having short and long.  they should wear what they are comfortable in.  i originally wanted tea-length but one of my girls hated it.  since the BP decided they did want to match (not me) they went long and found something they all liked together.  i wouldn't get upset over this, and no, you are not entitled to telling someone what to wear if they are not comfortable wearing it, your day or not.

duckie1905

I'm 5'3 and tea length dresses look ridiculous on me.I think you are over thinking is way too much.  Let them wear what they want.

melishka716

If she gets hot, well, she picked that dress. Let her. Maybe she just feels more comfortable in a longer dress. You can always suggest something shorter, and explain to her that it'll be hot out, but it's going to be her decision.