Depression Issues

melindaandcorey

Is anybody else trying to deal with somebody in their bridal party with depression?  If so, how did/do you cope with the constant negativity?My Mom is very depressed and has been on medication for as long as I can remember.  I love her to pieces and I know it's a sickness and not something that she really has control over but it's really starting to wear on me. I'm less than two months to my wedding day and it's looking more and more like she won't come at all.  Any great advice on how to stay positive myself would be appreciated.ps.  I do have to go back to work so I may not reply instantly.

bablingbrooke

I'm very sorry; it must be very painful.  I'm sure by now you have an approach to her depression?  Does she need a new medication?  Has she seen anyone lately?Whatever you would do if there was not a wedding involved, do that.  Don't bring up the wedding.  If you bring up "You don't have to come if you don't feel up to it" she may take it to mean that you don't want her there, which I promise you will NOT help her situation.  This isn't your mother acting but her illness.  I know that's little comfort but it's the best I can do

greenbean79

that must be hard...is there a different medication she can try? i myself have experienced depression before and sometimes the right mix/dosage of medication can help. but everone's different of course.I would try looking at the positive things about your wedding. Your mom has an illness that is really not much different from a physical illness. I think it is important to tell her that although you would love love love for her to be there, you would understand if she really feels she can't make it, and emphasize that you won't have any hard feelings or hold any grudges or anything like that. Even if she doesn't come to your wedding, it doesnt mean she doesnt love you or care about you..it may just be that the social aspect and seeing everyone etc is just too much for her to handle at this time. You could always go see her after, show her the pictures, tell her about the details of the day, etc. Or maybe even suggest she come for part of it if she feels up to it, and tell her she can leave at any time (and have a person who she is comfortable with sit with her whom she can get to drive her home if she feels the need)? Just a suggestion.As for you...when/if she talks negatively, just try to be patient and remember it's an illness...and try leaning on your friends/family/fiance for support as well. Hope this helps and good luck!

LarissaAnn

Is there any way to talk to her therapist, obviously not to get any privileged info to which you're not entitled, but to get a handle on how best to help your mom? Maybe the therapist would have some ideas on the best way for you to behave toward her to help her out so she'd do better and as a result you'd have more positive surroundings.

jeannigirl

Yes I would talk with her therapist and ask for some help in dealing in postive ways with her. Maybe ask if their is a support group that you can join that will be helpful for you.Depression is an illness and it is hard to not get depressed when you have a loved one who suffers that. I know because my FI suffers from that and I feel helpless alot. I am with you,so do something good for yourself and for mom and learn all that you can about this and how to help. Good luck sweetie.

banana468

Is there anyone else in the family who may act as an advocate for you?

dsouldiva

I really feel for you, my Mum had depression for a long time as the aftermath of a serious injury (thankfully she seems to have come out the other side now), it is just awful.My best advice would be not to overload her with Wedding stuff, try and plan as much away from her as you can, and involve her in little things you don't really care that much about i.e. favors or something, that way if she's negative about your ideas you won't get upset about it or disagree.  Try and remember her negativity is the illness talking, don't put any pressure on her and remind her she just needs to get through one day (social events can be a daunting thought when you are suffering depression)Exercise is one of the best treatments available for depression so try and get her to go and do a class with you or start running - anything energetic, honestly the difference will be huge.My heart really goes out to you, I remember how hard it was x I wish you all the best x

melindaandcorey

Thanks, I'm really trying to focus on how much she attempts to help out with things.  It just was a major shock for me this time because I didn't see it coming (which I normally do).  She visits our family doctor every couple of weeks and I trust him to find the right mix of medication for her.  She really doesn't like Therapists because a lot of them have "the voice" which is suppose to be comforting but she doesn't like it.  I don't think an advocate would be the best idea in the world.  But I am talking to my sister about it for some more support.Thanks for all the advice and I apologize again for posting and running but work has been crazy busy and I don't have internet at home.