Selecting a Bridal Party

lilcassers

I am having a hard time finding girls for my wedding party. I have 5 friends I want in my BP. My fiancée has 7. I suggested giving 2 of them the usher jobs, but he feels uncomfortable not asking them because they are so close. I am close to my fiancées family, and he has 2 nieces that are 16 and 18 that I would love in my BP, but I don’t know if I feel comfortable asking a couple of his nieces and not all of them (he has 8 nieces) I just hate hurting someones feelings. I know I should choose who I am close to, but I remember as a little girl getting jealous when my cousin was the flower girl and I wasn’t picked. Also, I would want 2 of my fiancées sisters in my party, but I can’t ask 2 and not the 3rd. I would feel so terrible..   Would anyone consider asking someone to stand up whom they have only been friends with for a few months? I feel like I should only ask someone who has been friends with me for a longer time and had known my fiancée a while before we’re engaged because I feel like there is more love and friendship there, and more meaning in standing up for someone you know very well.   Please help!! Thank you J

salt78

You aren't getting married for 2 YEARS. Hold off on asking anyone to be in your bridal party until like 10 months out at least. Read through this forum for the horror stories of why this is a good idea. [i]Would anyone consider asking someone to stand up whom they have only been friends with for a few months? [/i] No and especially not in your case since you might not even be friends with them in 2 years.

salt78

PS - If you fiance is a man then it's spelled with only 1 "e". PPS - You don't have to have even sides. He can have 7 and you can have 5 and your marriage will still be valid.

lilcassers

haha thanks. and no I wasn't thinking of asking anyone until about 9 months before... just thinking of all these things ya know?ps- how do you arrange walking down with 5 girls and 7 guys?

Heather822

#1: You definitely should not be stressing about this now. In another year you may find you are not even close to the same people any more. #2: For future reference, there is no rule that says the number of bridesmaids HAS TO be equal to the number of groomsmen. Its no biggie if one side has one or two more people. They don't walk in together, they don't need to dance together, and photographers are amazingly creative. No one will notice or care.

lilcassers

You must not know how OCD I am. I only like when they walk in together. I stood up in my friends wedding last week and I felt to weird walking down alone.Thanks for the advice!

salt78

[i]ps- how do you arrange walking down with 5 girls and 7 guys?[/i] Have the groomsmen up at the front prior to your entrance standing with the groom and have each bridesmaid walk individually. 2 guys can walk out together. That's just one solution and what they did at the last wedding I went to. I've never been to a wedding that had an even WP.

salt78

If you want the bridesmaids escorted, have two groomsmen walk together.

Leah&Christian09

You could have 5 pairs and then have the last two guys walk out individually, or together as a pair. (As long as you don't ask them to link arms, they aren't going to look like a couple.) Or, you could have 3 pairs, and then have guy-girl-guy twice. It's ok to be OCD and controlling with things. It isn't with people. People are not props. They are human beings that you honor by asking to be in your wedding. Including or excluding people because of numbers sends a message to your friends that you really only value them as a prop.

trix1223

Ditto pps.  Don't choose anyone yet.  You'll find that relationships change over the two years until your wedding.  If you wait until about 8 months out, you'll have a much clearer picture of who you want.Now on to your main issue:  WPs are not about symmetry.  They are not about gender.  They are not about photos.WPs ARE about having those you care  most about stand with you on your wedding day.  Stop thinking numbers and when you are 8 months away from your wedding, think those nearest and dearest....without regard for sheer numbers.Reality check:  If you have 5 BM, and he has 7 GM, will the officiant still say "I now pronounce you...." at the end of the ceremony.  Or will he say "I'm sorry, but according to the wedding police, you have an uneven WP, so I can't marry you."As for walking, that's easy:  some of your lucky BMs get escorted by two handsome GM.  Done.

BeenthereDonethat04

Don't ask until a year before at the earliest.  I know alot say 9 months or so, but we had a hell of a time picking dates for dress shopping (all the girls wanted to go and have a say as *I* was NOT picking it).Quality vs. quantity.  It's not about the numbers, it's about who you're picking.  When planning my wedding to my ex, I became friends with a girl who, by the time the wedding day arrived, was one of my closest friends.  She was unable to attend, but had I known we'd become such good friends, she would've been asked to be a bridesmaid.  However, things happened when they did so I didn't.  She and I are still close today...she was a bridesmaid in my wedding to DH and I was one in hers.   That's being said, my MOH (best friend) when I married my ex?  Yeah, I have NO idea where she is today, we haven't talked in over 7 years.Relationships change and it can happen quickly.  When DH and I picked our wedding party, we not only thought about those that had stuck with us through tough stuff, we thought about where we saw those people in our future.  I'm happy to say that we are still close to everyone in our wedding party and we wouldn't change a thing if we had to do it again:)

mbcdefg

You shouldn't have to "find" people to be in your wedding. You and your FI should be asking people that are extremely close to you. It's fine if you have 5 friends and he has 7. It's fine if you have zero and he has 10. It's fine if neither of you ask anyone. Only ask people you are currently close to. Don't worry about numbers, walking together, even sides, whatever. And ditto those who said to wait to ask about 6-10 months in advance. The people you want now may not even be friends with you by then, or you may have made new friends by that time.

banana468

Don't ask until you're 9 months out from the wedding.Then, figure out who you want as a BM and from there you can figure out who may escort.  It's more than fine to have two BMs to one BM.

LarissaAnn

Or have two of the bridesmaids walk with two groomsmen each.

tiffspff

When my FI's sis got married one of her bridesmaids got sick.  So she had an odd number, my FI and his brother both escorted one of their cousins at the end of the ceremony.  And during the bridal party dance, one of them danced with their grandmother which made everyone happy. Not all weddings are the same because not all couples are the same.   There are a lot of creative ways to still have the traditional aspects with a twist.

ffmaid

You should have 5 he should have 7 Two of your lucky gals gets escorted by two guys on teh exit or two guys walk out together or everyone walks alone

bablingbrooke

My DH is OCD and he had no issue with an uneven BP or the BMs walking alone.  My FMIL is 100x worse than DH and even she didn't mind when all was said and done, and she was begging DH to ask his cousin two weeks before the wedding to make things even (the cousin he hasn't seen in 5 years...).You won't even notice anyway--you walk in after they've finished, and you walk out after they do.  Worry about this in 12-18 months.  You'll be amazed at how many times you'll change your mind between now and then.

bablingbrooke

I guess that would be my MIL, not FMIL...oops.

bablingbrooke

I mean you walk out BEFORE they do.  My god I cannot type today.