My bridesmaids hate eachother!

fyrelle74

Does anyone else have this problem? 2 of my friends are in my wedding. About a year ago we were all best friends, now I'm just stuck in the middle. They refuse to stand next to one another at the ceremony, making it where I have to find a fourth bridesmaid just to stand between them. (My sister is MOH) It isn't like it will be hard to get an extra girl to stand up for me, but it is ridiculous that I have to. They also will not ride together to the ceremony. Nor sit at the bridal table with me...the last bit is easy enough to rectify, we're probably just going to do a sweetheart table instead. I've thought about telling them both to get over it, or not be in the wedding at all because I do not like to be in the middle...but the drama THAT would create isn't worth the ulcer I'm developing from even considering it. It's been so bad I've nearly just dropped the wedding I want and eloped...but my fiance wants us to have a real wedding too.(he rocks)  It's turning me in to a basket case, and I'm normally an extremely mellow person. Anyway, any advice would be greatly appreciated. I am losing too much sleep over it as it is. I am not a fan of drama.Thanks guys!-Kimberly

Leah&Christian09

Don't add a 4th BM.  Tell them both that they can either be adults and stand next to each other, albeit a foot apart, for the ceremony, or they can sit down.  As for the rest of it, just ignore them.  They can sit where ever and they can drive themselves to the ceremony.  You still have 6 months go to.  I expect that they'll calm down and get over it enough to stand next to each other in that amount of time.

vgmartinez

Tell them to get over it. They're making this about them when it's about you an your FI. I agree, don't put in the 4th BM. How will the 4th BM feel when she finds out that she was put in just to stand between the two. Definitely don't cancel your wedding because of this. Tell them how you feel and that it's not all about them.

fyrelle74

thanks guys. Ya'll are right..i KNOW. I certainly wouldn't put them in this situation if the shoe was on the other foot. They have been acting like stupid teenagers, when they're both near 30.  I'm just going to have to bite the bullet. I have told them I didn't want them to stick me in the middle, and they have sworn they would not but...here we are 6 months later, with 6 months to go...and they are still acting stupid. One in particular is being extremely selfish about everything...I like the option of allowing them to opt out if they can't behave like normal human beings for one day for my sake. Thanks everyone. -Kimberly

megk8oz

When you thought about telling them to grow up, that was your intuition telling you to do the right thing. You're all adults, and not that you need to be a bridezilla about it, but they clearly need a reminder that this is YOUR day, and they are standing up for YOU.If they can't put aside petty differences for ONE day out of their love for you and your happiness, then maybe they should be flower girls, as this behavior is completely childish.Besides, say you decide to go with the sweetheart table, and they are left with only the ceremony to gripe about, you might want to remind them that:a) the ceremony (or the day itself) is not about themb) they aren't supposed to be socializing during the ceremony anyway (If they are so immature they have pretend the friend they hate is some cousin of yours they don't know, so be it) and c) once the reception starts, they can just stay the heck away from each other for the rest of the night.

banana468

There ARE certain parts about being a BM that aren't negotiable.Just say, "If you two can't get figure out how to stand next to one another without bickering then I understand if you don't want to be in the wedding."Regarding the trip to the ceremony, just say that you'd like it if they'd ride with you to the ceremony - particularly if you're providing some type of transportation.  Beyond that they then get to figure out their own form of transportation.I wouldn't cater to their behavior either.

ffmaid

No you do not have to find a 4th bm to stand between them . If they do not want to stand next to teh other and be cordial for your wedding day that is their choice but they will only be attending as a guest if they make that choice.

trix1223

Kimberly, good for you.  Don't cave in to childish behavior.  Don't get a 4th bridesmaid because these two are acting worse than the 3 and 4 year olds I teach.I'd tell them none of their foolishness is up for discussion.  And then don't discuss.  This is really between them and you shouldn't be part of the equation.If they can't resolve this on their own like two grown women by the wedding, then they don't have to participate as a member of the WP.I'm really sorry you're going through this.

CTGirl30

The other ladies had great advice / suggestions so I will just say I'm sorry you're dealing with this! It would be nice if they could grow up and handle themselves in a mature manner for your sake. :-(

stoutcrowley

I was in the same situation.  One bridesmaid bowed out of the WP by telling me that she couldn't be around the other BM during the planning, shower, Bach party, etc..  I was sad but now there is no tension in the WP either.  (She also told me to have FI NOT ask her husband to be a GM either).

jeannigirl

Wow poor you, girl that is ridicolous tell them to grow up and stop acting like a child. You should not have to get a 4th BM to put between them because their acting studip and like grade school behavior. You need to put a stop to this right now and let them know this behavior will not be tolerated and that you expect them to put aside their differences and act like they need to for your and FI's day.No you tell them that you are not in them that you will not be placed in the middle and they can choose to either work through this or accept and be cordial. What they can't act like an adult then you want to act like 2 spoiled children then you will be treated has such. Listen I don't and will not put up with that and also am a mother who raised 3 children and now am a grandparent and I will not allow children to throw temper tantrums and demand anything from me. If you are forced there with these 2 spoiled bratty and inmature girls then you have to be the one to lay it down. They can choose if they want to be part of your day. Good luck with this. Don't let them make the demands.

fyrelle74

haha thanks guys...I guess I just needed some support so I could be brave enough. But honestly, I've not asked them to do a single thing for my wedding, but to get along for my sake and just show up...I'm happily doing the rest on my own (well, my fiance helps). It keeps it stress free. I've even skipped the shopping together for dresses and just told them the color, materials I'd like them to try to stick to and desired length.So, this weekend they'll be attending a friend's concert that I won't be at...heres hoping they finally find some common ground, because when they get back we're all having a heart to heart...currently I'm writing down what I want to say so it doesn't get jumbled up. As I'm sure you guys can tell...I ramble haha. So again..thank you all.

crazycatladyk

What are they, 4? Buy them both pacifiers, wrapped up with a little card attached...in the card write "Suck it up and deal."

jesstali

My MOH and one of my bridesmaids don't get along, but they've put aside their feelings for the purposes of the wedding. If they are truly your friends, they should be willing to do that simply for the wedding. Tell them how you are feeling and tell them that riding in the same limo to the cermony or reception and standing next to each other during the cermony and pictures doesn't mean they have to talk to each other. They can completely ignore each other and just do what you ask. Since you are having a sweetheart table they can go on ignoring each other at the reception. i teach 6th grade - I would also be tempted to tell them to grow up, but that may push it. Good luck!

larissaknox15

im kinda going through i similar issue- my MOH isnt a MOH, she hasnt done anything for the wedding and she lives one town over! my two bridesmaids HATE her for what she has done! and i have actually told her to step down and be a bridesmaid if she cant handle the MOH title, and shes ok with that, i dont feel its right to cross someone out of the wedding completely when they want to be part of it. im just sick of the other two complaining all the time. so i finally said to them all just grow up if you cant handle being in a wedding or socail situation then good luck in the real world when you either try planning you wedding or dont like someone and only know how to start drama! plain and simple tell em how it is!!!!

fyrelle74

bleh. Sorry to hear some of you have  been going through the same thing. Well, My dilemma is over. She's about to move and passively aggressively told me that she will not be seeing me again before she moves (She's moving 1 state over) and cannot make it out before May of next year. So, she's out anyway. She and I have been "best friends" for about 5 years, but I actually feel a bit relieved since she was the one refusing to try and lately everything has been about her. She's angry with me because she wanted me to go to Austin with her this weekend, but I have prior obligations including taking my children school shopping. She was actually pretty brutal about it..and that was without me bringing up the wedding discussion I wanted to have. Anyway, with everything she had to say and her plan not to come back for my wedding anyway now, that leaves me room to breathe. I love her, but I think with her move this friendship will have ran it's course. Again, thank you all for the advise. And good luck to all of you in the same situation, as well of those of you lucky enough not to have psychotic friends lol =D

rafaam96

I am having the same problem -- stop following me lol!!!I just sat them down individually (so it didn't seem like an intervention) and asked them to put aside their problems for the day. After all they might just remember why they were friends in the first place. They both promised to try, and I know our friendship is strong enough that they will do it for me. But if your maids absolutely won't even try to get along, for your sake and sanity ask them to step down.

secwu42

sorry this might sound harsh but i'd say to look for 2 new BMs to replace the immature ones.  if they can't act like adults for one day and realize that day isn't about them they don't deserve to stand up with you and be called "friends."

muellea4

first this is your day and they need to put themselves aside and if they can't then they are not that good of friends. I would tell them they are no longer in the wedding or invited because you this should be the happiest time of your life and they should not be putting a damper on it....

Amy&Jamie

I haven't read all of the replys so I may be repeating someones response. I have had a very similar situation happen to me, except I was one of the bridesmaids... My friend and I were in a wedding party where one of the bridesmaids had MAJOR issues with us. She planned an engagement party and didn't invite us, two of the bridesmaids amongst other things, and would not cooperate when we tried to solve some of the issues. The Bride, who asked this girl to be a bridesmaid after she had asked my friend and I did nothing to try to solve the problem, and instead would cry to us about how difficult it was for her. However, she made the choice to ask us to be in the wedding party knowing how we felt about one another. To spare the stress for the Bride we ended up stepping down as bridesmaids. In my case, it would have helped if the Bride dealt with the situation rather then complaining how difficult it was for HER. She knew what she was getting into when she asked us all to be in the wedding party. The Bride of the wedding party I was in were shocked when we stepped down, and continued to beg us not to. My friend and I were so upset that our friend would want us to be in such an uncomfortable situation. Did you know your bridesmaids were fighting when you asked them? I say give them the opportunity to step down, they are probably just as stressed over it as you are...

Amy&Jamie

WOW I did not mean for that to be so long....! Good luck with your decision!

hanron007

why would someone step in to solve someone else's problems? that's something that a teacher will do for her first grade student but not something that a bride should have to do for her friends. If someone backed out of my WP in this situations I would have to come to the conclusion that they hated the other girl more than they loved me.  I certainly wouldn't want a friend with that much capacity for animosity.

tommyandy

If they both love you , but can't work past their problems at this point, can they fake it for the 30 or so minutes of the ceremony? I agree with talking with them on a one on one basis. You may only have one person volunteer to step down instead of two. The sooner you do this the sooner you can ask another person to stand up for you.

ErinnW.

Tell them both to grow up. They are acting like children, not sitting or standing near each other or riding in the same car??? I am sorry that you have to put up with this, but honestly I would tell them if they can't grow up and be adults about this, then they can sit separately with the rest of your guests and view the wedding instead of being in it. I am a mellow person too, but I do not mind confrontation if something is really bothering me, which this is clearly really bothering you (as it should) They do not deserve to be in your wedding, they clearly don't care that it is your day, some friends they are.

KevandTee

Im going through the EXACT same thing with my girls and I have 6... 3 against 3!! RIDICULOUS!!! I've already had to deal with 2 of the girls dropping out and had to find replacements... You don't want that trust me!! Stand up to them and tell them exactly how you feel. I finally did and things are a little better... trust me i think everyday things would be soooooo much easier to cancel the wedding and just elope!!! I wish it was possible!! But then I think about all the time and money I've already put in and I wouldn't want to take the memories away from me and my fiance or our families so as I said... just stand up to them!!

Sarahkay488

Ah! You're not alone. I have two bridesmaids that hate each other big time. But you know what? It's MY wedding day. And if they can't act like mature adults than they don't need to be a part of the wedding. They don't even need to come. Just keep reminding yourself of this. It's your day. It's about you and your fiance. It's not their day to duke it out... they are bridesmaids because they are supposed to support you. You WILL have a great day :-)

littlemoments324

Yeah, I would definitely have a chat with them because they are there for YOU and the SUPPORT YOU! Like others have said, they need to be adults about this and they can handle ONE measly night together!  For goodness sakes!  They just need to get over it!

Budnotes

I think it's pretty pathetic that they are behaving so immaturely.  Grow up for crying out loud!!!!  They need to put their differences aside and support YOU - the BRIDE!!!!  They really need to remember that just because they're in the wedding party, doesn't mean the day is all about them.  It's YOUR day and they need to behave themselves and be supportive of you. 

shakes

This is simple... your "friends" are not your friends. They suck and are immature self centered children! I would tell them both to suck it the hell up or get the hell out. This is not bridezilla behaviour in any way. You really learn who your true friends are when planning a wedding, in this case it's neither. Sorry dude.    

fyrelle74

Shakes..I appreciate what you're saying. I do. But here is the thing. When I asked them to be my bridesmaids..these were 2 girls who had gone through hell and back with me over the past several years. When my mom passed unexpectedly, they both were there for me...they dropped everything. When one of their father's passed the same unexpected way...we were their for her. (By the way..she isn't the particular issue) this friendship crap fell apart well after the wedding planning process began. So, it's not a matter of me not being able to know who my friends are..it's a matter of one changing so drastically that she can't see beyond her own selfishness..and the other and myself trying to deal with it.One of them very kindly offered to step out of the wedding 2 days ago if it would appease the other. But I think that is BS..since she is the only one of the two willing to suck it up for me. But..the issue has been resolved anyway, because the selfish one has decided she's done with me now because I can't just bail on other's like she can.   So I didn't just blindly ask 2 random chicks that I was kinda familiar with...these were 2 girls that I've shared a bond with for quite some time who do to some really stupid drama can't get their junk together. We've been through some major stuff..losses of parents, losses of close friends, drug addictions, engagements, break ups, miscarriages, illnesses, amazing laughs, rockstar style road trips and week long birthdays amongst other things...so I was rather surprised when BM 1 changed her behavior in such a severe fashion, which resulted in BM2 eventually turning on her and me being stuck in the middle. (Again no real fault of BM2 expect the occasional having to listen to what BM1 had done to her over and over...though again she said she'd pull it together for my sake.)Again, I appreciate your candor, but I do understand who my friends are. Given our past I would have loved a different result, but it is what it is...and it's pretty much done now.

AMN0324

Two of my BMs hate each other as well. I'm having 5 girls total so there will be someone to stand between them. My biggest thing is that I don't want them fixing their problems with each other and making amends during all of our wedding stuff (showers, Rehearsal Dinner etc). It's not about them and it's going to piss me off if they're in the corner talking out their problems. I've already told them I'd appreciate them figuring things out beforehand or waiting until after the wedding (and just being cordial in the meantime). I hope your girls can be mature enough to pull it together and play nice for a few days with your wedding plans!