Wedding Party
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My Bridesmaid can bench-press me.

FI's SIL is very, very tom-boy. Doesn't own a dress, a pair of heels, etc. She lives in sweats and sneakers. Her and I are completely different. Ok, fine enough. Back when FI and I were newly engaged, she was the only one who harrassed us (for lack of a better phrase) about who was in the wedding party. No mystery to that, as FI is one of 4, and he would be having everyone in the wedding. So, to end the endless questioning, FI asked her to be in the wedding. (Obviously, she was going to be in it, our thought was this will stop the inappropriate q's) And FI asked everyone else at this time also. Like I said, they are all siblings and SIL's, a given they would be in it. Now, every Sunday we go to FI's Mom's house for dinner. Everyone is there every Sunday. If I drive (usually every other week) it's known that my wedding binder is in the back of my car. So either FI's Mom or other SIL's will ask to see it, see what's been done, blah, blah. And of course, they want to look at the magazines for the BM dress selections. All SIL's ooh and aah over the pages, commenting on what they like, what they hate, etc. Tom-boy BM simply hates any dress that the others like. (For the record: Girls will pick out their own dresses, as I can care less.) Point of post: Can I ask Tom-boy BM if she would rather wear pants? FI says No, that she'll feel stuck-out. But wouldn't she rather feel comfortable than standing in front of everyone in a dress that she hates? Which is why I still don't understand why she wanted to be "in" it so bad? She had to know she would have to get dressed up. And also, just some back-ground info: Tom-boy is married to FI's brother and did wear a dress to her own wedding. Although she still says all these years later how much she hated it.

Re: My Bridesmaid can bench-press me.

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    Yes, you can ask her if she would prefer to wear a dress or pantsuit.
    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
    "So I sing a song of love, Julia"
    06.10.10

    BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
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    I, personally, wouldn't do it. But that's because my wedding is my wedding and I don't want that going on.Basically, if you REALLY do not care and REALLY don't think you'll regret it later, then I guess there's no real problem.But if your FI is against it, it IS his wedding too, so really, talk this over with him. If he's set on her being in a dress and you don't care either way, then either let him has this one.Plus, everybody's always afraid of being a bridezilla around here, usually over something that's really no big deal. In this situation, asking her to suck it up for a few hours (To, you know, be in YOUR wedding, not hers) isn't so bad. BMs can complain all they want, and you can compromise on certain things (Like going for a $150 dress instead of a $300 dress, or letting everybody pick their own shoes/hairstyle), but at the end of the day, its still YOUR day and she agreed to stand up for you.

    If you fire a WP member, you're against America.
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    "Meg cracks me up on the regular. Now she gets to do it in two different forums. Yay!!" ~mkrupar
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    No you can not treat her differently just because she is a tom boy. But you can extend to all your BM the offer that pants are fine as are dresses. She probably wants to be in it because she loves your and FI. Caring about family is not just for girly girls
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    So why not say, "Hey, would you feel more comfortable in pants or in a dress?"Your FI may be lovely but he doesn't really get to say what the BM wear as he gets final say on his GM attire and you get final say on the BMs attire.And you can always talk to a seamstress about turning a full skirt into a pair of palazzo pants. 
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    Of course you can ask her if she'd prefer a pantsuit.  While it wouldn't be my style, it would be a generous thing for you to do.  And if you ask her, then it's her decision about "sticking out".  Since all your BMs are wearing dresses of their own choosing, I see her sticking out less in your wedding than in some others.Wanting to be in your wedding has nothing to do with the costume one wears.  It has to do with caring about you and your FI and wanting to share in the joy of your marriage.GL
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    I wouldn't for mine. Based on her curiousity, it sounds like she may want to.
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    Stage, do you have pics of your girls in the halter/pants combo? (At work and can't be THAT obvious perusing bios) I'd love to have an example to show her. Meg, between us, SIL is notoriously difficult and although it really isn't my style, and I really don't WANT to do it, just giving the pants option will in the long run hopefully save me some aggravation. But, everyone who knows her would expect her to be "different." Luckily, the rest fo the BMs are excited about dresses. Yes, I would "suck it up" if it was her wedding and she wanted us to wear camo or Under Armour. Thankfully I came into the picture after her wedding.
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    Jenni I think extending the invitation to wear pants or a pantsuit is a super generous one, especially if you suspect it will increase BM's comfort. Pants, especially suits, just look so sharp on everyone. But I do agree that if you extend the option to one BM, you probably should extend it to all. You never know if one of the other BM would want to wear pants instead of a dress. It sounds like from what you've said about your FI that he's not really worried about the aesthetics of her wearing pants, just what her feelings are going to be if she's the only woman in pants. Obviously, if you give her the option to wear pants and she chooses to, it's not a big deal and she's not worried about 'sticking out,' so I don't think your FI needs to worry about her being put off by the situation. In this case, I would definitely give all the BM the option of pants so you aren't singling her out. If she chooses to wear them, all the more comfort for her. If not, that's what she chose so just take her complaints with a grain of salt. 
    image
    It's a girl!
    BabyFruit Ticker
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    I would tell each BM, "Pick a dress style from this designer/color/fabric/length, or wear a plain black suit of your choice with this particular blouse" (and you pick the blouse).
    image
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    I'd say if you give her the option you need to make it a group thing so she knows shes not being singled out.  She may appreciate it, or she may feel like you are judging her for not being "girly" enough to wear a dress.  It all depends on her personality and your relationship I think.  Sorry if anyone else gave the same advice, I didnt read all the responses i am about to leave work.
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    /cs/ks/user/default.aspx?UserName=StageManager14','_blank','toolbar=0,location=0,directories=0,status=0,menubar=0,copyhistory=0,width=990,height=700,scrollbars=1,resizable=1' )">StageManager14/cs/ks/user/default.aspx?UserName=StageManager14','_blank','toolbar=0,location=0,directories=0,status=0,menubar=0,copyhistory=0,width=990,height=700,scrollbars=1,resizable=1' )">"That" is basically BM in a different dress/outfit from the others. I know, I know, that seems really close minded. I've seen lots of weddings where the BMs wear different dresses and it looked great ... I even LIKE how that looks when its done right. But /cs/ks/user/default.aspx?UserName=StageManager14','_blank','toolbar=0,location=0,directories=0,status=0,menubar=0,copyhistory=0,width=990,height=700,scrollbars=1,resizable=1' )">for my own, I'm just preferring to keep everybody the same, mainly because I have a small WP/cs/ks/user/default.aspx?UserName=StageManager14','_blank','toolbar=0,location=0,directories=0,status=0,menubar=0,copyhistory=0,width=990,height=700,scrollbars=1,resizable=1' )">. I'm not being a total stickler with shoes and hair and stuff, but all 3 of my girls are wearing the same dress in the same color. I DID make sure they all liked it before I finalized it, but that's the choice I personally made. Maybe if I was having a larger WP I would have been more open to different dresses, but with 3 it was going to be "everybody matches" or "everybody has to have a different dress". This was the easier choice.

    If you fire a WP member, you're against America.
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    "Meg cracks me up on the regular. Now she gets to do it in two different forums. Yay!!" ~mkrupar
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    Stage Manager, that is a REALLY pretty pant outfit. Know where she got it? I could see wearing that to parties.
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    Stage: Did your girls get their dresses/pantsuits from a bridal store, or are they custom?
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    Your fi's SIL sounds like she has an overbearing sense of entitlement and you are handling it with grace.    If she wanted to be in the wedding party so badly you think she would have at least considered that wearing a dress would have been a possibility.   I like your idea of offerring that she wear pants instead so you don't have to deal with her griping.
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    Stage: Thanks again for the pic. Having a concrete visual will help the conversation when it comes up again. Gabi: Truer words have never been spoken! ;) Thanks everyone.
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