How much?

Spunkchin

How much would you expect your friends/bridal party to pay to be in your wedding? (I know that everyone is in a different financial situation and they will make that judgment themselves) At what price-point would you feel guilty asking someone to pay? Is there a different amount for a destination wedding?

banana468

I'd feel guilty asking friends to spend more than they wanted to.I know that may not be the answer you wanted but I think you should ask each BM what her budget for a dress is - letting them know that they need to pay for that and alterations.  Beyond that, I wouldn't want them to spend any more than they wanted to.However I do think that if they know that you're getting married a few states away from where they live, you should look into inexpensive hotels and they should be prepared to pay for a night or two in them. 

peachkins

Ditto banana.  It really is going to vary from person to person depending on their present situations, and it's a good idea to ask them what they feel comfortable spending- especially on things you can control like their attire.  I honestly feel guilty having to ask my BMs to pay for anything.  I couldn't pay for their dresses, so they did have to buy those, but outside of that, as far as I'm concerned, they're not required to pay for anything else. It is a little tougher with a destination wedding.  For this they will have to get hotel rooms and possibly plane tickets which can both be a little pricey.  All you can do is let those you want in your BP know what your plans are, and hopefully they'll be honest with you and let you know whether they can handle those things financially.

Heather822

Its so hard to come up with a definite "number".... everyone's situation is different. I would never want to burden anyone at all, I would like to leave as much financial freedom up to them as possible. Whether it be the dress, the shower, the bach party... whatever they are comfortable with is fine with me.

stina93446

I asked them all what they could afford. I made sure that their dresses weren't more than that. There's no exact number.

Spunkchin

I asked because I feel really bad about the idea of not going to one of my best friend's wedding. Costs are about $1.5k for just me (H wants to go too) since she's not yet picked a date I can't buy tickets yet (last week of Dec. in Hawaii). Plus, we may be moving to England two weeks later which would be insanely busy. I guess I have lots of thinking to do!

[Deleted User]

That's a good deal of money. I moved to England in Dec of 2007 and it was very expensive in the beginning. I was spending dollars, you need a deposit, at least a months rent up front, plus you are starting from scratch food wise in your kitchen. I easily spend $2-3k before I got my fist paycheck. I do not know your moving situation, if it is financed by work etc. However I would seriously consider your expenses. Plus I find it difficult right before an international move. You want to say goodbye to people, visit places you will not go in a long time. Talk to your friend and explain the whole situation, you need to know dates and costs before you can commit. GL!

banana468

I think when people are choosing an out of country location for the wedding, they need to expect that not everyone they invite will be able to attend.   One of our dearest friends (he was DH's BM) and his wife (and we love her dearly too!) were married out of the country in South America.  At the time, it just wasn't financially smart for us to make the trip there (DH and I weren't engaged at the time and we were living in different homes).  We declined the invitation and while we truly wished we could have attended, they also understood that it just wasn't something that worked for us at the time.    

dsouldiva

With regards to a dress you should ask how much they can afford, with regards to destination weddings you invite them to be part of it and give them the option to come or not.  If you say yes to being part of a destination wedding you accept it isn't going to be cheap.we looked into flights and hotel costs before accepting our friend's invite to their Vegas Wedding (we all live in the UK), we know how much it's going to cost (roughly) and are willing to pay that to share their special day, I don't expect them to feel guilty for the cost, it's our decision to accept their invite