Mixed Emotions

cfljenwed

Bridesmaid and best friend is pregnant!! I'm SOOO thrilled for her and so happy she didn't have trouble this time (took over year with their first)... doctor hasn't confirmed, but looking like she's due three days before my wedding. She feels terrible and kept saying she didn't want to put any stress on me at all either about dresses or her not being there. She said she will do everything she can to be at the wedding, and I know she will, but part of me will be incredibly sad to not have them with them there that day...her husband is a groomsmen too. We love them so much, and I'm not truly upset, but I did have a mix of emotions. I do NOT want to be a bridezilla, and I was feeling guilty for even having a pang of selfishness in the situation! I told her I loved her and a child is wonderful and a dress is no big deal and I'd obviously understand if she was having a baby on my wedding day... and I mean that. But there is a teeny tiny tiny part of me was like a two year old stomping her foot. Shame on me!Really I just wanted to share somewhere some people might understand how I was feeling. Apparently my grandmother missed her Best Friend's wedding because she had my uncle! So obviously, a new life is a blessing, and I'm so so so happy for them, but I just needed to talk (write) it out here. Thanks for listening!

mbcdefg

Kudos for realizing that the baby is more important. And it's totally normal to be a little bummed if it turns out that your friends can't make it to celebrate with you. You're not a bridezilla for wishing that a friend could be there with you. It's not like you're mad at her for getting pregnant. Cheer up. This is one of those "Cross that bridge when you come to it" situations. Her estimate for a due date might be totally off if the doctor hasn't confirmed it yet. Play it by ear and see what happens. Consider letting her get a standby maternity dress from a department store (either close to your colors or in black) in case she's up to being in the wedding, and let her sit in a chair for the duration of the ceremony.

cfljenwed

Thanks. Fingers are crossed for a happy healthy baby just in the nick of time before or after the wedding!!  I plan to cross the bridge when it comes-- was just needing to get over my momentary, involuntary "what about me" moment... thanks for listening.    

banana468

Kudos to you for realizing that you get to keep the moment to yourself!  Just let her know that you'll work with her to make her comfortable and go with the flow.  It's sad if she can't be there but the blessing of a child is so wonderful for an expectant couple.

dsouldiva

That's great for them and sad for you all at the same time, but look on the bright side, if she does miss your wedding you will have someone who will actually want to listen to you re-run every tiny little detail from your wedding day and be as excited as you are when your wedding photos/video arrive! You will be able to eeeek out the excited bride experience without her thinking "enough already!"I agree with the others though, cross that bridge when you come to it, I just sat next to a girl at a wedding who was due that day! Baby was late.  If she does make it remember to keep some bottled water nearby, a fan if it's going to be hot, a chair (if the photos are going to take forever) and other useful things the girl next to me wished she'd had.

swim1011

One of my BMs is on her HM right now, and has every intention of getting her eggo preggo as soon as possible.  I may end up in your shoes as well.  It's difficult to realize a close friend may not be able to make it to one of your most important life events.  On the other hand, you may miss out on being there after the birth, and she could be sad about that as well. What you're feeling is normal, completely normal.  I'm sure your joy for her baby will quickly overshadow any sadness about possibly missing the wedding.  And the PP is right- she may completely off about her due date, if she hasn't seen a doctor yet. 

tdmd09

We're in the same boat. I asked one of my BMs in December, and in February they told us they were expecting, and due 4 days after my wedding. She dropped out immediately because she didn't feel comfortable putting me in that position. Her husband is our best man, and he started saying we could kick him out too if we wanted.We didn't -- she's still my BM as much as she wants to me (she insisted on hosting my shower at her house and being our DD for my bachelorette party), she just may or may not be in attendance. Her husband won't be there if she has the baby within a day or two of our wedding, and we're just accommodating for that possibility. So all in all, not a crisis.BUT, when they took us out to dinner and told us, it took every ounce of strength I had not to cry. I was so excited to have her up there with me, and I was seriously bummed that it wouldn't happen. The timing sucks, but the occasion is wonderful. It's OK to be disappointed, but good for you for not throwing a hissy fit in her direction.

KJDOHERTY

It's definitely okay to be bummed about her maybe not being there with you, but good for you for only showing/telling her how happy you are for her!You behaved better than I did.  My two SILs and FBIL were in my wedding. When I asked the one sister I knew they were thinking about trying to have baby so I told her I'd totally understand if she thought being a BM might be too much on top of what she already had going on.  She accepted and I was really happy.  Then a couple months later DH's family told me they were tentatively going to schedule an invitro procedure on a certain day. The next day after I counted up the months and realized it would be the week of my wedding I asked the other sister if I'd heard right about the date they were scheduling the procedure since it would be right at the time of the wedding.  Awful of me!  I just got so anxious that with a baby due that week the DH's whole family just wouldn't be around/available for the wedding and rehearsal dinner, etc. (MIL had been literally going crazy for the future baby to be born) and I just was picturing them not being excited and the whole family missing our wedding events.  So well done you for only staying positive, I've been feeling guilty ever since I asked that question about the due date almost a year ago!  They wound up postponing the procedure for various reasons but I just hate thinking about how I was selfish and that they probably saw me that way!

megk8oz

I commend you for realizing that this is important to her. But, yeah, wanting to have an inner mini-hissy fit is a perfectly normal reaction too.You want your friends big day and yours to go great ... and not interfere with each other.But cheer up: due dates can be pretty skewed, especially this far in advanced. Sometimes babies come early (My niece was an entire month early with no complications at all!), and sometimes they come late (I can't tell you how many friends of mine that have been at least a week late).You already know that if she can be there, she's going to be ... if you've lurked around here enough, you should know most girls here have "that friend"  or "that BM" that they think isn't going to show just because they're being purposely difficult. Call it a win!

smange10.10

I can totally sympathize with your situation.  My sister (and MOH) is pregnant, but not due until January (our wedding is in Oct).  It is very hard news to hear at the beginning and after getting over the 'two year old tantrum', being happy for them is second nature.  I don't blame you for feeling a little selfish but you sound like you're truly happy for your friend...just concerned that she'll be there to support you on your wedding day.  I think that's a valid concern - being that you are understanding if she can't make it.  It's an emotional rollercoaster...welcome aboard.

amybw

Yes, it sounds like you are accepting the situation gracefully, but i understand being upset.  i found out FI's SIL is pregnant and due a month after our wedding.  FI's brother is the best man.  I was excited and a feeling a little selfish all at the same time.  She is also a BM.  So we had to go and get her a new dress to accomodate.  I'm just hoping that she stays healthy and they will both still be a part of our wedding.  Like people say, women can go at any time, you never know.

whits900

Exactly the same thing is happening to me - I had 5 bridesmaids - and one is now due a week prior to the wedding. She decided that even if her due date is off, she probably wouldn't want to be in the wedding (due to previous issues, will probably have a c-section and wont want to walk around that much). While I was extremely happy for her - I was very sad that she wouldn't be able to be in the wedding...but she did say that depending on when the baby is born she still may be able to attend (but be off her feet most of the time). Oh - and now my MOH thinks she is pregnant too! (Although she'll only be about 6 months along and will still take part).So yes - I completely understand - I am disappointed and happy at the same time as well!