MOH Madness!!!

k671i3

My younger sister -16- and my older sister -30- are my MOHs. I have grown up being told by my older sister that she will be married before me. Problem is...I'm engaged now and her boyfriend has yet to pop the question and I'm scared he never will...Now, whenever I go to my older sister/MOH about my wedding, she changes the subject to what she wants to do for her wedding or gives me a quick answer and changes the subject all together.I have always walked in her shadow and now that I have something she doesn't, I feel like she still doesn't want me to have my time. I feel like I am being a "Bridezilla" by not wanting to hear about her possible wedding. I just want to be able to talk to my MOH without feeling like my wedding is not important.I have talked to her, but she pretty much just ignored me and has even started a bunch of drama because things for her wedding aren't going the way she wants them to. (besides the not being engaged part...)I don't want to start a huge fight and it is hard to talk to her because she has such a strong personality...WHAT DO I DO?!?!?! Has anyone had this kind of problem? Any suggestions?

Leah&Christian09

We all have people in our lives that just don't want to hear about our weddings.  Your older sister, it seems, is one of them.  Just stop talking to her about your wedding.  She's your MOH, and she will stand up for you.  Other than that, just focus on your relationship as sisters. 

peachkins

Agreed.  It stinks that you can't talk to your own sister about your wedding, but if it's causing this kind of drama I personally would just have to stop bringing it up. 

bablingbrooke

I would stop talking to her about your wedding because it's clear she resents that you're getting married first. She probably feels like you're rubbing it in. You're not, but talk to the younger sister. It's not that your wedding isn't important, it's that she's 30, wants to get married, was raised to believe she'd be married first, and now feels like she's being surpassed and wants people to know that she's not some spinster without prospects. I know it can be annoying but there's nothing you can say or do that won't make you look like a bridezilla who's upset that her MOH dares to dream about her own wedding someday (I'm not saying you are but you don't want to invite the criticism). I sympathize; I have a friend who isn't engaged (and never will be to the guy she's been with for 6 years for a variety of reasons) and kept bringing up that she's "definitely" getting married next summer and her plans for her wedding. It sucked because every time I wanted to tell her about my wedding she'd bring up hers (I got married last month). I was mostly mad because it's clear to literally everyone else in her life that this guy is never marrying her and 12 people have independently concluded this guy is gay. So I decided to stop bringing up my wedding and it helped a LITTLE. She still brings "her wedding" up, though, since she came to ours and got a million ideas. I hope someday she meets a guy she can use them with.

PinkElephantsOnParade

I am so sorry to hear about your sister.  Your older sister may be upset that she is not engaged yet.  She probably thought that she would be married before you, and now she isn't.  Or possibly, she knows that she will be engaged soon, and she is starting to dream about her own wedding.  There's no harm in your sister dreaming up her own wedding...maybe that's how she is coping.  To prevent upsetting your sister, you may want to gush about wedding stuff to another person.  I have learned that, no one is ever going to want to talk about your wedding, as much as you.

dsouldiva

As someone who is waiting for a proposal herself I can imagine this is very hard for your sister, I'm sure she doesn't mean to put a downer on your day but it can be heartbreaking to hear about everyone else getting married when all you can think of is wanting to be married yourself.Just try and keep the Wedding talk to a minimum around her, I'm sure you have loads of other people who are interested and want to help.And I really wouldn't recommend reminding her that she's not even engaged yet, that just sounds a little bit catty to me, personally my BF and I have said we will get married in the next couple of years but until I have a ring on my finger I'm not officially engaged... it's frustrating to say the least!

trix1223

ditto brooke's good advice.  While I know that you're excited, your wedding is about 15 months away.  You really don't need to talk all that much about wedding "stuff" right now anyway.So be a sister instead of a bride.  It will help your relationship, and you'll feel better too.GL

mbcdefg

I agree. It sucks that she's not more into it and more supportive of you, but I don't think there's anything you can do other than ignore her bad attitude (plus avoid wedding talk around her). When you're around her, maybe focus your energy on sisterly-bonding activities, rather than wedding stuff. Maybe that will help her come around. Plus, since your wedding is over a year away, it's normal for others not to be too excited this far in advance (even those who ARE more supportive of you). Maybe if you just avoid wedding talk for now, she will grow more excited and supportive of you by this time next year.

ffmaid

It is not kind to rub it in by constantly talking about your wedding when she is envious that she is not engaged. I know you want  to talk wedding all the time but she has made it clear that this is not something she wants to do unless she can also dream a little on her own. Well stop constantly talking to her about the little details. It is borderline cruel to constantly talk about wedding details to a woman who you know wishes she was engaged and has made it clear that she is envious. Stop bragging by constantly talking detail and focus on whatever you used to talk about pre wedding

banana468

I'll echo the other posters and also agree that you need to stop talking to your sister about the wedding.Some people are just self-centered and unfortunately they will not change.  For now, only mention the wedding when someone shows an active interest - and when you're away from your sister. 

laurening

I'm sure she is happy for you, but weddings have a knack of bringing out people's insecurities in a major way. And, it can be really hard to overcome those feelings. I would keep the wedding talk to a minimum and just accept that she isn't going to be one of those super involved MOHs. Yes, it's a shame because she's your sister as well, but hopefully if you give her some wedding talk space, she'll mellow some and tone down the drama.

banana468

Some people really do feel like they *have* to be engaged.When my BM was married four years ago, a friend of hers told her then boyfriend that they had to be engaged by the time they were attending the wedding or she'd be just too uncomfortable.

jeannigirl

I know that this situation is hard on you has well has your sister. So just be a sister hang out with her and have fun just doing some fun, crazy stuff. Yes don't talk about your wedding to her has it appears that it causes some feelings to rise in her. Share details with other ones who want to hear. Don't talk to much wedding has others will get wedded out. Stay close to the boards has we all do so that we are not overloading our family and friends. (heeheehee) We are wedding crazy here, this saves our loved ones.

kristen0393

I had never understood "the clock is ticking" before I was living with my FI & raising his son full time.  After being together for over three years and hitting 29...  I think I understand it now.  Your sister is probably ready to be married and have kids.  You are better off sharing your excitement with your younger sister and friends.  Your sister will be there for you because she loves you but right now its hard for her to think about anyone else getting married, especially you.  Blame it on her hormones & take her out to dinner and talk about other stuff! 

ootmother2

I keep warning Retread about that bean dip but she doesn't listen.  And she wonders why I don't want to hang out with her...?

k671i3

I have stopped talking to her about it but then she sent me the maid of honor duties that are on here and told me that she was hurt that I didn't come to her about stuff and when I told her that I wasn't doing much and just having fun planning little things and didn't tell ANYONE every single thing I was doing, she got mad bc she thought I was saying she was trying to plan my wedding. Aaaahhhhhhhh!!!!! Haha! I just can't win. I should know my sister by now...I love her... Just want to scream sometimes! Doesn't everyone have those times tho...??

ootmother2

gotcha there