one of my BM is giving me a hard time

LeahGregg

I have 7 girls, and I really want them all to wear the same dress. I found a dress in the color I like and it's a very reasionable price too. All the girls tell me they love the dress...all but one. My fiance's sister says she doesn't like it because it's long and says I'm trying to make her look ugly. I'm standing my ground and keeping my choice in dress. How do I keep the peace? Kicking her out is not an option, I wouldn't do that. But what do I do with one BM thats making things difficult?

mbcdefg

Does she dislike long dresses in general (and if so, did you know this going into the dress selection process)? Or does she just dislike this particular dress? If you switched the choice to a different fabric and/or a different neckline (but kept the length and the color), do you think she'd be happy with that? Could each girl pick out her pwn neckline in the same length/fabric/color/designer? Are you letting them wear their own shoes, accessories and hairstyles?Is she normally a difficult person to deal with, or is this the first time you've had a problem with her?In the end, though, I think you have the right to say, "I'm sorry you feel that way, but for what it's worth I think you look gorgeous in the dress. The majority voted for this dress so we'll go with this one." If she still complains, you can always gently say, "If you really dislike it and would prefer to attend as a guest so you can wear whatever you want, I'll understand and there will be no hard feelings. I'll miss having you as a BM but I understand that you don't want to buy something you dislike so much." 

LeahGregg

I've never really had a problem with her. She prefers shorter dresses, which i didn't know. Thanks for your advice, it's helpful!

Leah&Christian09

If you expect them to pay for and wear a dress, you should at least give them some say in which dress it is. This is why so many people with large bridal parties end up giving a choice or different dresses in the same line.

mbcdefg

Did they try on shorter dresses? Or did you just pick out a long dress to start out with, and the 6 girls all love it?If this was really the only choice so far, I think it'd be fair to have them try on shorter dresses and then take a vote after that. Who knows, maybe the other 6 will change their minds once different options are presented.  But if they already tried on different kinds of dresses in different lengths, and this was the winner among the other 6 girls (and your FSIL had her chance to vote) ... then I'd just tell her, "Sorry, majority rules."

duckie1905

If she has concerns about the way she looks I think a nice bride (and a nice person, in general) would take those feelings into account before asking her to wear the dress.With 7 bridesmaids (that's how many I had) you really can't expect everyone to like and look good in the same style of dress.I would do what you can to make her comfortable in what she is wearing...why would you purposely continue to force this dress on her when you know it makes her look and feel less than her best?  That fact that she is unhappy and doesn't feel she looks good will show through in your pictures.It is your right as the bride to choose the attire. But, she has the right to refuse to wear it and not be in the wedding as well.

mbcdefg

Another point to consider is that she's going to be part of your family soon. And as silly as it sounds, a bridesmaid's dress has the potential to cause months, and maybe even years, of hard feelings on her part. Sometimes a particular outfit isn't worth the stress ... especially if the two of you have always gotten along and this is the one thing she's ever complained about. Still, it's not fair to override 6 of your friends just because one girl has a problem with the dress. Like a PP said, you're never going to make 7 individual girls happy. So someone's probably going to end up in a dress she doesn't like in the long run. And like I said before, it's YOUR wedding, and in the end you need to have the final say over the BM dresses. I would just talk to your FSIL and see exactly why she doesn't like the dress. is it the cut of the dress? The fabric? Is she simply balking because it's a long dress? Maybe it'd be best to give up the idea of identical dresses and let them each pick their own style from the designer/fabric/length/color that you specify. Or allow them to pick their own skirt length. Or maybe let FSIL change into a cocktail dress of her choice after the ceremony and formal photos are over. Sorry. It's a tough situation to be in. You've defintiely done nothing wrong here, and I feel bad that you're stuck in the middle of this. Hopefully you and FSIL can reach a compromise.

nikhubbard67

Wow! Good to know others have this problem. I have 9 girls and my fiance's sister is the ONLY one complaining about dresses. She wants them all to be different so she will look good because she said my sis, and MOH, is too skinny (which she is a normal size). I am trying to accommodate her, but in the end my mom says it is MY wedding and she would not be so accommodating at hers we imagine. If it is causing you too much stress just do what YOU want and she will just have to take it...that is what I am doing. 

razdazzle_22377334

I was in a wedding once where all the other girls got to pick the dress - I live 5 hours from where the majority of the girls live and could not go down to try on the gown.  They picked a dress that was not flattering or comfortable for me to wear.  I sucked it up for my cousin, I think she should do the same for you. As a bride now, I am trying to make sure the girls love the choice, but you cannot please everyone.  Just say that you tried to pick a dress that would look great on everyone, and you hope that she understands.  And that you are sure she will look beautiful in the dress.