Wedding Party

2 MOH / 1 BM

I just read the "is it ok?" thread and noticed Stagemanager's response to feeling suspicious about being the only 'straight up BM' and the reasoning for it... From the moment we were engaged almost a year ago, I knew my MOHs would be my two younger sisters because we've always been each others' best friends. FI and I decided to just leave it at siblings (2 brothers, 2 sisters) to avoid any drama with friends feeling slighted. Over the course of the last few months, I've grown really close to my FSIL (just engaged!). She's been one of the most supportive friend to talk to and lean on, and I can't thank her enough for it. I want her to be part of the wedding because she's become so important to me and my family, but I wanted to wait until an appropriate time to ask her to be a BM. I'd still like to keep my two sisters as my MOHs, but now am starting to wonder if she'll feel at all suspicious about the fact that she was the 'lone BM'. I would think she'd understand because the other two are my sisters and I want to honor them with a title that makes them feel special. I'm not making things even, as adding her actually makes it uneven. She's helping out with the wedding because she's excited about it and loves DIYing things. I'm doing the same for her wedding when the time comes, but don't expect anything out of doing so. I'm hoping she doesn't think it's because I want any sort of help. Would you feel the same way as Stagemanager if you were asked later on to be a BM? Is this something you would talk to her about, to assure her that it's not for any reason other than wanting to have her stand by me? Sorry for the long post and thank you in advance!

Re: 2 MOH / 1 BM

  • Some people are really into titles, others don't care. I personally would totally understand if it was the bride's two sisters and not feel bad about it. As someone who's already married, the titles don't mean anything to me (for some reason, they did before but now they don't). But I also wouldn't expect to be sat down and told "why you're not MOH and everyone else is". You also don't need to tell her she's BM and the other two are MOH. I also wouldn't put anything in the program about the WP; no one notices or cares if it's missing.
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  • Thanks bablingbrooke. Come to think of it, I actually remember last summer I was "sat down" at an RD by a bride at a wedding I was in and told why I wasn't MOH and another girl was. lol. It was a little awkward, and I didn't care in the least who was MOH. She told me it was because she didn't want me to have to make a speech because she "knew I would have hated it". I guess I really don't mind leaving the titles off for the sake of ease, but my little sisters (one who's 13) are excited about their titles, and I'd like to make them happy by recognizing them as such.
  • I don't think she would mind being the only bm, but I wouldn't put any weight on the fact that they are your sisters. You might hurt her feelings "Well, they are MOHs because they are my sisters and you are just SIL". I think it is fine for your sisters to be MOH because you are probably closer to them and have known them much longer. Our best man made a great speech at our wedding. He said that when he married into DH family, he felt very loved and really doesn't like using the "in-law" title because after all we are all family and he sees no reason to make that distinction. Obviously that won't work for everyone, but I think he made a wonderful point.
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    Repeat this to your self: My Wedding Party is made of my family and friends and I should treat them as such.
  • Great point, blackfire -- I don't want her to feel like she isn't just as much a part of the family as the rest of us. Thank you!
  • Thanks, I don't think I would have thought about it before our best man made his speech.
    My Grandparents on their wedding day.
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    bio
    Repeat this to your self: My Wedding Party is made of my family and friends and I should treat them as such.
  • ditto Brooke.  I'm always amazed by people who get so incredibly serious about a title in a wedding party.  Really?  I wish that were the most compelling issue I ever had to deal with.I'm sure your FSIL will be delighted to stand up with you, and my guess is that she won't worry at all about a silly "title".For that matter, you can just make all 3 of your sisters a bridesmaid if you want.  Have one stand closest, one sign the license (if your state requires that) and one make the toast.Actually, you can still do that with the MOH and BM titles.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • Sorry Stagemanager! I didn't mean to make it sound like you'd be upset about it. I wasn't trying to make it come across that way. I thought you brought up a good point about it given that she might [i]think[/i] somehow that there was another reason for making her a BM. I'm positive she'd be happy to stand by me regardless of reason. I just don't want her to think I'm asking her so long after I've decided on my sisters as MOHs for some other reason other than just that we've grown close. My sisters really didn't have to be asked because I had always told them they'd be my BMs hands down if I ever got engaged. The littlest sister loves the idea of being a "maid of honor" and I think the other one is keen on it too, so I'm using the titles more for them than anyone else that sees it. Again, for those of you that read her other post or my post and thought Stagemanager was upset over something that she never actually meant, sorry for the miscommunication! Sorry again, stagemanager.
  • Thanks stagemanager. I plan on it. She's pretty anti-drama, so I'm hopeful that she won't think of it as anything less than an honor for the both of us.
  • I think you're overthinking this.Talk to her and say that you are so thrilled that you guys have gotten close and ask if she would like to be a BM. 
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