Choosing Bridesmaids...Help please!

runnerchic06

I recently got engaged, and we are getting married August 2010.  I have to get most of the wedding planned by December because I will be out of state for 6 months doing my internship.  My first question:  When should I ask my bridesmaids to be in the wedding party?  My second issue:  I have a bridesmaid dilemma...In high school, I had 3 best friends.  We were inseparable.  Like most teenage girls, we would always say "I can't wait till we get married, so we can all be each other's bridesmaids!"  I am still very close with 2 of them and plan on asking them to be bridesmaids.  I am still friends with the 3rd girl, but we have drifted apart in college and I really only see her two or three times a year.  We keep in touch via facebook, but it's just random messages every once in a while.  She has changed a lot in college, and we butt heads more than we used to.  Also, my fiance does not really like her.  I do not want to ask her to be in my wedding party, but I think she assumes that she is going to be a bridesmaid.  She doesn't have a lot of close friends and still considers me her best friend, but I don't feel the same.  I think if I don't ask her to be a bridesmaid, she will be very hurt and offended (especially since I am asking our other 2 friends), but I don't want to just ask her out of obligation.  What should I do?  I obviously still want her to be a guest at the wedding, but how do I tell her she isn't going to be a bridesmaid?  I have been holding off on asking my other bridesmaids because I don't want this 3rd friend to hear and get upset that she wasn't asked.Please help me!  Any feedback or advice would be greatly appreciated!

bablingbrooke

I had a "group" of three friends who I was roommates with and we were all joined at the hip. I still talk to two very regularly and one only once or twice a year. I asked the two I'm still very close with to be BMs and didn't ask the third. No hurt feelings. She still came as a guest, even sat at the WP table with the other girls. But I also didn't sit her down and tell her "Why you're not a BM." You can't ask everybody and mature adults understand that.

mbcdefg

When in doubt, wait. Or don't ask. If you feel like you need more time, just ask them to be BMs over the phone. I totally understand wanting to ask in person, but if it's more beneficial for you to wait then don't put yourself in an awkward situation by asking in person too early, just because you think that's how things "should be." In your planning process, you're going to quickly find out that a lot of things aren't going to go as smoothly or ideally as you pictured in your mind. Sometimes people won't cooperate and you have to scrap certain ideas; sometimes you need to adjust plans because of time or money; sometimes you just plain change your mind. Go into the planning with a flexible attitude.