BM help? Kind of long

WGaches

I'm usually a lurker on this board, but I am at a loss of what to do. My wedding is in ten months; two months ago I asked each of my four BM if they would please be in the wP, blah blah blah. It's been fantastic so far. Except for my fourth BM. In her defense, she has a new teaching job, and a year old son (she got married three years ago, so that's not so new). Ever since I asked her to be in the WP, she doesn't call me. We used to talk two to three times/week, but now I have to call five or six times and leave several messages to get her to return my calls. It's been almost a month since I've heard from her. I do not know what to do. If she's stressed about having the time or money to be in the WP, I want to let her know that I understand, and if she needs to back out, I'm O.K. with that. But I also don't want her to think I'm pressuring her out of the WP - I just want our friendship like it used to be... what on earth did I do wrong? And what would you ladies do?

bablingbrooke

1. What could she possibly need to talk about for the wedding NOW? 2. New job + toddler = very busy lady. When I started law school last year, good luck getting ahold of me for anything less than a life-or-death matter. I never was good about returning calls for wedding stuff, and I was the bride! 3. The wedding may seem like a priority to you now, but it's not a priority to anyone else YET. From your point of view, you think "Oh my god, it's less than a year!" but from hers, it's "She has a freaking year, why is she calling me so much?" 4. Don't assume that her not calling you back has anything to do with the wedding. In all likelihood it's the furthest thing from her mind while she deals with the aspects of her life that are more immediate and pressing to HER. Come April, May and June next year, she'll be a LOT more interested. But for now, she's got her own life to focus on. 5. Would you be equally worried about hearing from her if there was no wedding involved? If not you have your answer.

WGaches

Thanks for the advice. I should have been more clear - the messages I've left haven't had anything to do with the wedding, nor do I 'expect' anything about the wedding. My dress shop gave me a deadline of Nov. 1 for BM dresses to be ordered ( a bit overkill if you ask me), so there's plenty of time for that. And Trix, I have dealt with a new teaching job. I'm a graduate teaching assistant, so not only do I teach a new class every semester, I take classes and do research as well....I guess I'll just wait and see if she comes around

peachkins

I do agree the Nov 1 deadline is overkill for the BM dresses.  My wedding dress didn't take that long to come in.  If you can't get ahold of her to talk to her personally, I would just leave a message or send an e-mail letting her know when the dress needs to be ordered by.  That's basically what I did with my girls.  Once we picked out the dresses everyone just understood that they needed to order by a certain time and I didn't badger them about it.  Lo and behold they all ordered their dresses in a timely manner.  Just give her some time- you've still got a couple months to the dress deadline anyway. 

PinkElephantsOnParade

No no no....being a grad assistant teacher is soooo not the same as being a teacher....whether it's high school, middle school, or elementary school. I'm on my third day of school as an elementary teacher and even though it is not my first year of teaching, and I do not have a 1 yr old, I come home totally exhausted.  Even on the weekend, I'm consumed by schoolwork. You have a long time until your wedding, relax.  

blenderdance

I agree with the others that she is probably just busy and overwhelmed.  I agree with trix that teaching full day in public school is a totally different experience than teaching a college class.  I teach middle school and seriously debated going to bed tonight at 6pm. That said, I would also add, is this the first time she is leaving her son to teach full time.  Three close teacher friends of mine have infants/toddlers that are in day care for the first time while they are working all day, and they aren't talking to anyone once they get home.  All they want to do (besides sleep) is spend time with the baby that they are separated from all day... I'd give it a few more weeks, maybe email her and offer to drop off dinner one night to help her out, and give her some time to adjust to everything.

trollydolly

Being a mother of a one year old myself....I can assure you her not calling has nothing to do with a falling out ) Trust me, she probably would love nothing more than to call (I know sometimes I stay up late in bed thinking of who I should have given a call that day to check in) To be honest with you, I have a few friends who seem to get a little testy when I don't immediately call back or I'm hard to get in touch with but I just remind them of whats going on with me. I'm sure she will make a great bridesmaid once she is given "tasks" or the time gets nearer......once you get a hold of her just make sure you ask all about whats going on with her and ask nicely if shes still OK with being in the wedding party. She'll probably go "Yes! I am so excited!" and shes probably really looking forward to all the excitement!