Odd Wedding Gift from BM?

elizabethspearl

I posted about a week ago about an OOT BM making plans to come up the Wednesday before our Saturday wedding and wanting to stay in our apt. the whole time.Well, last nite I get word from my sister (MOH) that this same BM had emailed everyone in the wedding party. She was trying to get everyone to contribute at least $100 each towards a wedding gift for FI and me. The gift was going to be a surprise day-of coordinator. My wedding is in 2 and a half weeks.Basically everyone in the WP told her it was a bad idea. But, she insisted that it was something that I would want. Call me crazy, but one more vendor to deal with this close to the wedding is not something that I would want. I also can't believe that she asked them to shell out that much money! They already have to pay for their attire and trip to the wedding in the first place.It's a nice thought on her part, but I really hope she didn't go through with it. As of right now, I am pretending that I haven't heard a thing about it.

ffmaid

I woudl tell her you heard of it and that it is something you would not want her to spend her money on. I also can not imagine a reputalble doc who would not talk to the bride in advance. How could they know what they are coordinating if not talking to bride ahead of time.

elizabethspearl

My feelings exactly. I do not believe that a professional would agree to a "surprise" like that. It just seemed so odd to me.

trix1223

Usually I advise staying out of such things.  In this case, I'd contact the BM and tell her that you really DON'T want a DOC.  In addition, if any DOC were to contact you, I'd tell her that this was done without your knowledge or input, and her services will not be needed.Wow~that's just so random and weird.

bablingbrooke

Wow. So you don't let her stay with you for half a week before the wedding so that she can monitor everything, so now she wants the other BMs to help subsidize the cost of getting someone to monitor everything for the wedding professionally? This girl has some serious boundary issues. And I'm saying this given the previous post. How does she think this is going to work? She tells the DOC everything that's supposed to happen, she shows up and surprises you, then proceeds to go ahead and coordinate the wedding the way the BM, not YOU, thinks it should go. If it helps, I don't think there's a single DOC out there who would agree to take a job w/o talking to the bride first. We didnt' have a DOC but we were incredibly laid back when it came to our vendors--we just told them that we'd go w/ whatever they recommended. We had to tell each vendor about 6 times because they didn't believe us and wanted our approval on every little thing. So I'd be really surprised if a DOC went for this w/o a single conversation w/ you.

jeannigirl

This chick is off the charts. You really need to put a stop to this, this is total nonsense. She is crossing over the bondaries. I would call her and tell her that you don't want or need a DOC. That you need her to not involve the other BP in this. Let her know that everything has been taken care of. Good luck with this crazy girl. Be firm and stop the insanity.

banana468

You need to let her know that this is not something you'd appreciate.   I'd make it friendly.  Say, "Hey, I think the cat may have been let out of the bag and I'm really sorry if that ruins your surprise.  The thought is really sweet on your part but I have to make the request that you NOT buy me a DOC as a present.   Everything is all set with the vendors and while I understand what you're trying to do, I'd appreciate it more if this was dropped.  Thank you so much for being so considerate.  I can't wait to see you and to celebrate with you at the wedding!"   Sandwich the compliments with cushioning the blow...but I do think you need to let her know that the gift is not appreciated. 

gabi829

I'm sorry to hear about your assuming BM.  On one hand, she must have some need to feel important and probably thought the rest of the WP would think she had a great idea.  Alternately, it seems incredibly fishy.  Maybe she was planning on pocketing some of the money.