Maid of Honor NOT attending rehersal

radiation09

So I am having my wedding in 15 days, and I called my maid of honor to let her know that I could RSVP for her for the rehersal dinner. She informed me that she didn't think she would make it to our venue in time for the rehersal or the rehersal dinner. I understand that she lives out of town, and that she just recently (in the last month) started a new job. She said she just can't ask off from work considering it is a new job. Is it unreasonable for me to tell her that it's a big deal and that we need her there?

mbcdefg

A wedding isn't rocket science. I think she can manage to walk down and up an aisle, and stand next to you and hold your bouquet, without attending a rehearsal. If need be, one of the other BMs can give her a quick pep talk before the ceremony on what to do. Realize that this is a shaky economy and some companies will use any excuse to fire an employee. One of my good friends was fired for requesting vacation time from her job. I used to work in the newspaper/magazine industry, and they'd give us absolute hell for requesting time off because we were always working with tight deadlines. Let it go. It won't be a disaster if she doesn't attend the rehearsal. I'm sure she knows you want her there, and if she's really a good friend then I'm sure she's done everything she could if she had to refuse the rehearsal. Your wedding and her role as MOH lasts one day, but she'll hopefully have this job for a while and sometimes you just can't afford to make a bad impression.

ffmaid

She probably knows it is a big deal. But in reality you do not need her there as much as it would be nice. Just tell her day off when she needs to walk.  If she has to take a vacation day in order to get there with a new job it might put her job at risk. A rehersal is not worth putting a friends job at risk over. The true needed info is 1. you walk in at x time behind person A. You walk out at y time next to or behind person B

bablingbrooke

Yes, it's unreasonable. The only WP members who came to our rehearsal (2pm on a Thursday, no wonder) were the MOH, BM, FGs and RBs. The rest couldn't come from OOT until the next day. Wonder of wonders, it worked out just fine.

trix1223

My DD was married in July.  One of her BM and one of the GM couldn't make it to the rehearsal.  The BM was in a new rotation for her internship, and could get off Saturday for the wedding, but not Friday.DD's answer:  "I understand.  I'm just so happy that you'll be with me on wedding day."  Same BM couldn't make it for the hair salon appointments.  Again, she arrived in time for the wedding, did her own hair, and DD was thrilled to have her there.How hard is it exactly, to walk down an aisle, stand during the ceremony, and walk back out?I assume your MOH is a capable adult who can be told what to do and then do it.Sure it's a disappointment, but a new job trumps your rehearsal every time.  To answer your question:  Yes int's unreasonable for you to tell her that it's a big deal and that you need her there.

banana468

It's EXTREMELY unreasonable to tell her that you need her there.  She's told you that she may not be able to make it and it's imperative that you respect that.It's not hard to walk down an aisle.  Just fill her in on the details that she missed once she arrives in town.And relax!  It's understandable to be stressed out and to feel like all these small details need to be controlled but in the end, they're things that everyone can grasp and do without having to practice first. 

bablingbrooke

I also have to ask in light of you writing this: "I understand that she lives out of town, and that she just recently (in the last month) started a new job. She said she just can't ask off from work considering it is a new job." If you do indeed tell her what a big deal it is, what do you hope to accomplish? If she can't get off work, she can't get off work. All you will do is make her feel bad. Which I'm sure she does already. Is that what you really want?

bablingbrooke

Ours was for the MOH and BM because we had a greek orthodox ceremony and the MOH and BM are part of the ceremony; they do more than just stand there. But not much more; had they not been able to come, they would have figured it out. The priest was pretty good at indicating who was supposed to do what when.

radiation09

Thank you so much for all of your replies. I didn't know what to do, and I agree with everyone.

ffmaid

Retread- Yes I have been in WP 13 times as an adult and I do not know how many but around 10 times as a kid. Twice it has been useful almost need to attend rehersal. Once a hindu wedding not in english but in hindi. I needed to be told the cues for what to do when since I did not understand the language nor was I familiar with the ceremoney. Second time a pagan ceremony in french.  Also not a tradition I knew and a language I barely speak.

stahlop

I've been in two weddings.  Once as a junior BM an once as a BM.  Neither time was I able to attend the rehearsal.  Even at 11, I pretty much figured out what to do and where to go.

dianenjnj

yes it is very unreasonable of you.like others have already said...all she has to do is get down the aisle...not very complicated!

matilda1215

Honestly when I went to my friends rehearsal we were in and out in under a half hour and I just remember walking out and thinking "That was it?" We spent more time looking at the bridal suite than we did actually practicing walking up the aisle. You really don't need her there. The day of the wedding point out where she has to be in line and she'll be fine.