Bridal Party Trouble

borgersgirl6604

I"m going to try to make this as short as possible.... my fiance is one of three children.. he has a sister and a step-brother. He looks at his step brother as a brother though, well recently we found out yesterday that his stepbrother is getting married this november, and my fiance is not in it, but his sister is (this would be the stepbrother's stepsister).... he is kind of upset at the fact that his sister is in it and hes not,, I mean how does it look when one step sibling is in it and one is not?? And to make things worse, we did not even know about the wedding until yesterday, no phone call or nothing when they set the date and we are family, we have holiday dinners together and see each other as much as we can, whereas everyone else knew about it. It's like we were left out of the loop. Well, we are getting married next september and we were thinking of having his stepbrother in it and I was goign to have his stepbrother's fiance in it on my side, because we look at them and feel that they are his brother and sister-in-law, but obviously they don't feel that way. What do we do??? I am very confused and ready to give up becasue I don't know waht to do

banana468

Please understand that not being in a WP is not necessarily a personal slight.  Sometimes people just think of the WP differently from their siblings or step siblings. If you want them to be in your wedding then by all means ask them.  Please harbor no grudges over not being in their wedding and understand that you can't force your way into the WP either.  Enjoy attending that wedding as a guest.

borgersgirl6604

Is it ok then that my fiances biological sister is in the wedding and hes not...when they are both step siblings to Derrick

banana468

It's OK because that's the bride and groom's choice.  Maybe the bride feels closer to the sister than the groom does to Derrick or perhaps there are other reasons.It's not smart to assume though or to consider it a deliberate slight. 

bablingbrooke

Just as you don't think people have "dibs" on spots in your WP, so do you not have "dibs" in someone else's. Don't take it as a personal slight. Take it as they made their decision and you make yours. Would you like having to explain yourself to someone you didn't ask to be in your WP? That applies to them. Most likely his stepbrother's FI asked the stepsister because she chose her side and wanted to include her, and the stepbrother chose his side and decided he wanted friends only (or something to that effect). What do you do? You act like responsible, mature adults and continue to be happy for the step-brother and his FI. Then you make your decisions about your WP based on who you are closest to, not on a tit-for-tat basis. And it's your FI's decision, not yours, about whom he asks. I would also recommend not worrying about this until Christmas. You will have had a chance to cool off and stop being hurt.

jeannigirl

Don't take it personally, just go annd enjoy their wedding as their guests. Don't retaliate and not have them in your wedding just because you have been chosen to be in theirs. If you feel like they have your back and are there whenever you need them and you feel close to them then have them be part of your WP. You can't assume what they think or feel unless they have told you. Just be mature and adult and smile and congraluate them on their engagement, and upcoming wedding. It never pays to be catty and repay people.

Aimee8314

I would hold off on selecting a bridal party....you have plenty of time - and you might find yourself closer to (or not so close) to your FI stepbrother and FSIL.  My FI didn't find out he was in his brother's wedding till 2 months before - his brother hadn't asked anyone yet either!  So, maybe his fiance asked her girls, but he hasn't gotten around to asking the guys?  Not likely, but entirely possible.

mbcdefg

So, maybe his fiance asked her girls, but he hasn't gotten around to asking the guys? Not likely, but entirely possible.I asked my girls about two or three months before FI got around to asking the guys. He was unsure about a few people whereas I had a pretty good idea of who I wanted. I think a lot of guys might figure they have more time to ask, because tuxes only take a month or two to arrange. I think a lot of brides ask earlier because they might need more time to get BM dresses ordered. I didn't pressure FI into asking his guys, but I was relieved when he did because that meant I had the information we'd need when ordering flowers and figuring out the limo situation.

bablingbrooke

Aimee is on to something; my DH asked about 3 months out, I asked about 11 months out. Definitely don't jump to any conclusions.

duckie1905

I think you are making entirely too big a deal out of this.  First of all, you just found out yesterday so it is entirely possible that he hasn't even picked his WP part.  Why don't you just chill?Besides, WPs do not have to be reciprocal.  If I had included every single bride that I was a BM for in my WP I would've had 14 BMs.You may not like the decision but you have to live with it.  I wouldn't base your WP decision only on this one issue (which, frankly, is hardly an issue).