2 MOH's and 1 BM??

beccabride2be

Is it alright to have 2 MOH and 1 BM?? When i first got engaged a year ago, i had asked my cousin who had been like a sister to me since we were babies. But now my brothers wife and i have grown REALLY close. She was originally just a BM, but it would mean the world to me if she was my MOH especially because she has been helping me out soo much and my cousin has done literally nothing and our relationship has gone down hill since ive been dating my DH. But im worried that my bridesmaid (fiance's sister) might feel left out, and im also worried that my 1st MOH might drop out when she finds out i asked my sister in law to be MOH too. I know people have 2 MOH's all the time, but do they also have bridesmaids??  

beccabride2be

Well my cousin has just been a terrible person lately, she lies to me, and leads me on just to get my hopes up. She says she is going to call me or go shopping or whatever even non-wedding related, but she just leaves me hangin. My sister-in-law and i have grown to be best friends and i feel she deserves to have the title MOH. I dont think my BM will feel left out because she is still a teenager in highschool and she lives out of state, so i dont think she would really mind.

mbcdefg

So why did you ask for advice if you're just going to do what you want anyway? Also, you said this cousin has been like a sister to you since birth. So why the sudden change? Has this only started once you got engaged? Or has she always been like this and you're only noticing it now that your expectations of her have climbed since she's your MOH?Again, I think you need to talk to her. Don't just say she's a terrible person and then punish her by making someone else MOH. That's just going to cause you more problems, not solve anything.

mbcdefg

She says she is going to call me or go shopping or whatever even non-wedding related, but she just leaves me hangin.And that's not something terrible. Flaky and rude, yes, but not terrible. "Terrible" would be if she slashed your tires or kicked your cat or something.

duckie1905

It is just a title so just leave it as it is.  In the grand wedding scheme this doesn't really matter.

beccabride2be

so for those of you who said that MOH and BM and such are just a title, then what the heck is the point of having them?? Maid of Honor says in the title itself that it is an "HONOR". If you ask someone who you thought would be "honored" but ends up really disappointing you, then you wouldnt want to do anything about it? You would just leave it as it is?? Sounds stupid. I have talked to me 1st MOH about this 2 times. And each time she has told me there is nothing bothering her, and that she would be better. and both times she has failed to follow thru with her words. im sick of dealing with her crap. I have been putting up with it since we were teenagers.

mbcdefg

I don't know why you expected her to be any different, then, if she's acted like this since you were teenagers. She wasn't going to change just because you asked her to be MOH. It's partly your own fault for asking her to be MOH in the first place. The point that a lot of people were trying to make, though, is that making someone else MOH to punish the cousin is just petty, and is going to make YOU end up looking like the bad guy. People will see what's going on when you "promote" your brother's wife to MOH. If you want to take the risk of people thinking negatively about you, and your bridesmaid feeling slighted at being the only one to not get the MOH title, go ahead. And if a bunch of people here are telling you that it's not a great idea, it's probably not ... people aren't shooting down your idea just for the heck of it. I don't know why you asked for advice and then got upset when it wasn't what you wanted to hear. I just think it's silly to ruffle feathers over a one-day title.

mbcdefg

If you ask someone who you thought would be "honored" but ends up really disappointing you, then you wouldnt want to do anything about it? You would just leave it as it is?? Sounds stupid.Plus, bumping someone else up to MOH isn't really "doing anything about it." Again, it's being petty. And it's probably going to cause more problems than it's worth. I would say to talk to your cousin, but you said you did and she's not opening up. I feel for you in that case, but that's about all you can do. Promoting the sister-in-law isn't the way to get your cousin to suddenly realize, "Gee, I haven't been supportive after all! Now I see the error of my ways!"If you want to show your brother's wife appreciation for her support and help, then give her a note or take her to dinner. I'm sure those would mean more to her than a title.