My sister backed out

lauravamich

My fiancee and I got engaged Memorial day weekend.  Since then I asked 2 friends and my sister to be in the wedding. My sister said she wasn't sure because of business and child obligations she has.  My sister just told me today she can't be in our May 2010 wedding, so now I have to ask another friend and am not sure how to ask her.  Do I just tell her that my sister backed out and now I need somebody else?  Kind of a weird position I feel like I'm in now asking my "backup" friend to be in the wedding.  This friend I'm going to ask is a great friend, and I just don't want to offend her so just trying to figure out the wording for this.  Any suggestions, please???

bablingbrooke

Hell no you don't say "My sister backed out and I need you to fill her place." How would you feel if someone said that to you? And you don't "have" to ask someone else. Having said that, you're far enough out that this is about the time to ask people so just ask her to be in the WP. But if you wouldn't have asked this person anyway, and it will feel awkward, I wouldn't do it. And technically, your sister didn't back out. She told you she wasn't sure if she could do it and now she's letting you know, with PLENTY of notice.

mbcdefg

"Hey Replacement, I know you weren't asked the first time around to be a bridesmaid. But since my sister's dropped out and I feel like I need even sides to make my pictures look perfect, I guess you'll do."This is how it's likely going to come across to her no matter how nicely you sugar-coat it. So do yourself a favor and don't ask her. If she wasn't a close enough friend to make the cut the first time around, then it's not right to ask her now just to have a warm body up there. She'll see right through it and will probably be quite offended. You don't need even sides. Your wedding isn't a military march. Your wedding will be wonderful even if your number of attendants doesn't match your FI's. Millions of couples have had uneven sides, or no attendants at all, and they still had awesome weddings.

lauravamich

Thanks for all your comments, a little harsh, but I think I got it.  By the way, it was really hard to narrow it down to asking 3 people to be in the wedding in the first place, so I am excited about asking someone else that means so much to me to be in it.  Just wasn't sure about how to ask her.

mbcdefg

Why did you set a number first, instead of just asking people you were closest to?Really, don't ask her. If she's got half a brain then she'll see that she's second-best.

sduncans09

asking now for May 2010 isn't unreasonable.... just ask her to be in your wedding and don't bring up the replacement bit.  we're not having MOH or BM, because neither of us has just one best friend, and it felt weird singling one out as more important.  we told them that too.  so... they're all maids of honor! 

HawaiianTXbride

I agree, just don't say that she is a replacement. side note: sometimes you have to set numbers. For example, if the church can only hold so many people on each side, the fiance only has a few friends and you don't want to make it look like you're more popular than him, if you can only afford so many gifts for the attendants.

Aimee8314

If you need a "reason" just say that you hadn't decided on how many attendants to have....and tada!  You are so happy that you were able to include her because she's such a great friend.