Pregnant Bridesmaid

Starlitsky1122

Hello fellow brides! I find myself in a conundrum as of tonight. One of my bridesmaids informed me this afternoon that she is a few weeks pregnant and is due approximately 2 weeks (plus or minus two weeks) before my wedding day...I have not had my bridesmaids order their dresses yet. Should she continue being my bridesmaid? And if so, how do I tackle the whole bridesmaid dress issue? Should I ask her not to step down from a bridesmaid but still keep her involved with the wedding planning? If she is exactly 2 weeks late from her due date...she would give birth exactly 4 days from my scheduled wedding date. Or, she could give birth 2 weeks earlier than her scheduled due date, and give birth about a month before my wedding. Depending on how you look at the situation, I could either have a bridesmaid who's VERY pregnant, with possibly very swollen feet long past her due date, a bridesmaid who gave birth 4 days prior to my wedding, etc. There are so many unknown factors surrounding this delicate situation...I find myself in a bind. I've known this person for forever and they're actually the reason I met my fiance. I obviously wanted them in my bridal party. She told me today that she would not be upset if I asked her to step down from being a bridesmaid and that she would totally understand. However, she later "joked" (perhaps that's the correct word to describe it) to let her know if I was "kicking [her] out of the bridal party". Not sure if I should take that as (a) her subtle way of telling me she would prefer not to be in the bridal party anymore but wants it to be my decision or (b) her subtle way of telling me she would in fact be really hurt if I asked her to step down.On the other end of the spectrum, how do I then ask a replacement bridesmaid (assuming I decide to switch bridesmaids given the situation) to be my bridesmaid without hurting their feelings at not being my "first choice" per se (6 bridesmaids and 6 groomsmen originally)? I think I would feel uncomfortable having only 5 bridesmaids and 6 groomsmen. Has any one else been in a similar situation? Any and all advice/suggestions would be greatly appreciated.Thanks in advance!Love,Karol

Colg512

I was in 2 weddings this past year and was pregnant for both. I said the same thing to the brides that "I would not be upset..." honestly I would have been absolutley crushed! Personally I think it shows how much the BM means to you to keep her in it whether she be fat, sweaty, swollen, or cranky! I was lucky enough to not be any of those I was 6 months in on wedding and 7 months in the other. As for her due date though you can never be too sure. I actually due in August and the 2nd wedding was June 13th.. everyone joked that I'd have my baby on that day then I was hopitalized on bed rest on the 18th of June. I would discuss with her if you're that concerned.. just remember what she and her friendship means to you and the rest (uneven bridal party) are just monor details that will fall into place if need be.

banana468

Whether or not your BM stays in the wedding isn't for you to decide.  Please DO NOT ask her to step down at all.Instead, work with her so that she's comfortable and tell her that YOU will do what you can so that if she wants to be there that day that you'll try to make that time as comfortable for her as possible.If she backs down, DO NOT REPLACE HER.  Your wedding party is not a show requiring even sides and replacement attendants will feel like they're not there for any reason other than being even.Uneven sides are perfectly fine should the BM decide that she can't make it.  In the meantime, this is entirely her call.

bablingbrooke

My mom was in a wedding two weeks before I was born; she was as big as a beach ball but stood up for her best friend. I've never been pregnant but unless it was medically impossible for me to do so (i.e. I'd have to fly during my 9th month or I was in labor), I would stand up for a good friend. In other words, this is not a per se reason for her to not be in the wedding. Let her take the lead on this. She'll tell you if she can't be in the wedding. But please don't ask her to "step down", it'll look like you're putting the uniformity of the dresses ahead of your friendship. And you don't want it looking like that. You don't ask replacement BMs. Have uneven sides. We did and the sky miraculously didn't fall.

baystateapple

One of my BMs was a BM in another wedding when she was 8 months pregnant.  She would never have considered backing down.  Please do not ask.  If she has to bail out due to complications in her pregnancy or because she has the baby too late, please do not get pissed off with her.  Be gracious and understanding.  It is not her fault.That being said, please allow her to wear a figure-flattering maternity gown that complements the other 'maids' gowns.  My friend who was pregnant was not given the option -- the bride insisted she wear the same fitted satin sheath gown as the other bridesmaids, which sadly did not come in maternity sizes.  My poor friend, who is generally a size 10-12, had to purchase a size 22 just to accommodate her 8 months pregnant belly.  She'll never fit into that dress again (who needs a pale pink satin sheath maternity dress, really?), PLUS she had to pay an extra fee to have it altered in to fit her breasts.  Please be considerate when picking out your pregnant friend's bridesmaid dress, for her sake.

ffmaid

She should continue to be your bridesmaid unless she decided on her own to step down. She however should not order dresses with teh rest of the girls. She should if she can just buy a dress off the rack closer to the event if she can come. However unless she is local there is an almost 100% chance she is going to be unable to be there due to the kid. but wait and see in 8 or so months

lyndausvi

I had a pregnant BM.  She was due 4 weeks after my wedding but she was high risk and my wedding was 3 hours OOT for her.I told her that I really wanted her in the wedding.  I gave her an option of not coming at all, coming and sitting with my parents in the front row or walking down the aisle and standing with the other girls.  I asked her not to make the choice until the wedding day based on how she felt.I also let her pick out any dress she wanted in the same color of the other girls. (I didn't see the dress until the wedding day)In the end she was able to attend and she walked down the aisle.   If she could not, no big deal.  If she did not make it at all I would have just deliveried her flowers to her house.I was just very flexible about her situation and let her take the lead.GL

Starlitsky1122

Thank you to everyone for the insight and input. I knew this was the right place to seek advice. Everyone's input has definitely been great. I think I will leave it up to her in the end. She's someone I've known the longest out of all of the other bridesmaids/friends that I have made over the years and was torn at the possibility of not having her with me on my special day. Thank you for confirming what I thought about how my friend would feel regarding the bridal party as well as in terms of a "replacement" bridesmaid. As far as possibly feeling uncomfortable with uneven sides - it is something I can live with. It was just a raw emotion at 1am in the morning EST. My friendship(s) come first.If you have any other friendly advice regarding the situation, or know of good stores/sites to look into maternity dresses, etc. please share if possible.Thanks in advance!Love,Karol

mbcdefg

Duematernity.com has some dresses, and I imagine most department stores (and their websites) do as well. Or see if your BM dress designer offers a maternity dress in the color you wanted for the other BMs. Or just let her wear a black maternity dress of her choice, and give her a shawl or something in your wedding color to tie her into the other girls. People will understand that a pregnant woman needs special accommodations and won't think twice if she's in a different outfit. Make sure she can sit for the ceremony, too, and let her wear whatever shoes she wants. I imagine she'd want to wear nice flats rather than heels.

aerinpegadrak

I was a little worried that one of my BMs would come home with a honeymoon wedding, since her wedding was 10 months before mine, which would have made her unable to fly out for my wedding.  In that case, I would have sent her bouquet to her in the hospital.There's no need to be uncomfortable with uneven sides.  The only potential issue would be with the processional/recessional, and there are plenty of configuration options you can use.