Wedding Party Drama

natorria

My FI's stepbrother's wife hates my FI's bestfriend's wife.  The stepbrother is a groomsman and the bestfriend is an usher in our wedding.  My FI and I were under the impression that the BF/usher and his wife were divorcing so she wouldn't be at our wedding, we're now aware that this is not the case.  We are 3 weeks from our wedding and we've been asked by my FI's family to let the bestfriend/usher know that his wife is not invited to our wedding for fear that the two ladies will cause trouble.  Naturally the bestfriend/usher is not ok w/ this & will not be in our wedding if his wife can't come, which we understand. Right now it seems like the FMIL is against us and accusing us of chosing a friend over family.  My FI & I feel like the drama between these two couples has nothing to do with us and should be put on the back burner for the sake of our wedding.  We have the option of either ticking off 2 people (friend/usher & his wife) or my FI's whole family.  Should we stand our ground and tell them all to get over it & possibly have my FI's stepbrother & his wife and kids not come to the wedding or should tell the Usher not to bring his wife which will cause him to drop out of the wedding?Thanks 

bablingbrooke

Unfortunately, you don't get to dictate to someone that their spouse is not invited without looking bad. Not knowing why these ladies hate each other so much, I'd just tell your FMIL that while you sympathize with her reasons, it's not your place to do this and you'll be inviting usher's wife. Tell your FI's stepbrother's wife and usher's wife, if necessary, that the other's mortal enemy will be there and you need them to act like adults; if they can't, you'd appreciate them staying home. (This way you aren't picking one over the other). Don't have a WP table and let these two sit as far apart from each other as possible. Finally, if you have a good friend who could play the role, have a bouncer keep half an eye out for trouble and at the first sign of it kick the offending party out. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you!

banana468

If I were your FI, I'd say, "I understand that you may not like her but you two will need to behave as adults that day.  We're not getting in the middle of this."And then stop the conversation.  They have ZERO right to tell you who can or can't be there unless there's a restraining order and / or behavioral restrictions on the person.And if they ask you, I'd say, "I need to stay out of this.  This is a matter between two adults and I'd hope that they can act that way in public."

ffmaid

You pretty much have to invite both. Let them both know that anyone who acts up will be escorted off the wedding and reception site

jenni2349

What Banana said. You should bring a watergun in your purse to zap anybody who gets outta line, like we do to our cats. Stops the hissy-fits in my house.

LarissaAnn

I *love* the watergun idea! I swear, I didn't stand for the "if you invite her, I won't come" crap when I was 15, I certainly wouldn't stand for it at my wedding. I mean, really? They can't share a room for 4 hours? Are they FIVE?