two things (a little long)

whits900

Kay - I have a couple of questions - one more of a vent/frustration...1) I'm having my FIs twin sisters as BMs (two of four) - one lives not too far away but the other in CA. I've met one a couple of times, but not the other (she never comes home for holidays etc, and we are trying to save money for wedding/house). I have NO idea what to get someone I've never met as a present (and FI's no help). I've "spoken" to her through email a lot though, but I'm not getting any sense of what she might like - and I felt uncomfortable just asking. Any thoughts?2) I told my BMs that they could choose whatever dres they liked in the same color. Turns out three of the four liked the same exact dress and all ordered it - MOH thought #4 would just go ahead and buy since everyone else agreed to it. The fourth ordered a different dress - she isn't the MOH. She actually offered to drop out of being a BM if I thought it would look too bad. I told her of course not - that I wanted her to be in the party etc. Problem is - although I still stand by that, I do think it'll look really weird to have one person in a different dress who isn't the MOH. I know I'll get over it and won't care even a day afterwards that they weren't all in the same dress - I guess I just want some validation for feeling a little disappointed about it.

melishka716

To answer your first question: Ask your FI what she likes, as it is his sister,then get her a gift card to that sort of stuff. Ex: Books-Barnes & Noble, Coffee- Starbucks, etc. Now the second one, it'll be fine. I wish I wasn't at work so I could upload my BMs together. They had different dresses and it looked totally fine.

mbcdefg

1. I think a gift card is pretty failsafe. See if you can find out if there's a store or a restaurant she particularly likes. If you can't find anything, getting it for a place like Target would be good (she can always use it to buy stuff like toilet paper and shampoo, if nothing else). There's also Barnes & Noble, iTunes, Starbucks, a supermarket or gas station, etc. Can you ask your in-laws? Maybe they know of something she'd like - a particular brand of wine or chocolates, a hobby she has (camping, art, yoga, reading), etc.2. It'll be fine. Don't worry about it. Nobody will notice or care.

ffmaid

1. Ask Fi it is his sister he has to come up with the suggestion 2. You told them any dress in a certain color you have to stand by that . However if the 3 have not yet ordered perhaps you can mention to them it may look better if they select something else. So there is actually varietyIf not oh well

tidetravel

1) I agree w/ pp.  Ask her parents what she may like or get a giftcard 2)  MOH thought #4 would just go ahead and buy since everyone else agreed to itThat wasn't the agreement.  You told BMs that they could choose their dress, and BM #4 decided that she liked a different dress.  You did the right thing by not saying anything, but don't be disappointed in her because she chose a dress that she felt beautiful in.

whits900

Just to clarify - I'm not disappointed in her at all. I just thought that my MOH would absolutely not like the dress that the twins liked (they wanted to wear the same thing - thought it would be a cute "twins" thing) and so two dresses would be different.  Just didn't work out as planned - but if everything alwasy worked as as plnned life would be awfully boring...Everyone - good call on asking FMIL - although I have a feeling that her answer will be "oh, just whatever...I'm sure she'll appreciate it whatever it is" - she's very non-intrusive that way...

emilyinchile

Not sure if this would work for you, but maybe you could have them all accessorize slightly differently? I don't mean you should force them to wear certain things, just suggest more of a range of styles so they each show their personalities through that and each looks more unique. That might make the difference in dresses a bit less shocking, since they'll overall look more different. Or give them pashminas to wear during the ceremony in different colors.And FWIW, I would be a little disappointed at first too, although it sounds like you've done the right thing by sticking to what you said and just allowing yourself a moment of "oh well..." on here

whits900

Oooh - pashminas are a good idea. My MOH asked if she could wear one anyway (why I was surprised that she actually liked the dress - she HATES strapless dress on herself) and it will be chilly I'm betting...