Wedding Shower/Bachelorette Party

SweetLaura286

This was totally a just curious type of question. I know no one can 'expect' their Bridesmaids/Maid of Honor to throw them a Wedding Shower or Bachelorette Party, but did any of you out there not get one? How did you feel? I guess I'm just curious because I'm really looking forward to these traditions, even something very simple, and without many close friends or siblings etc I'm not sure if I'll have one! And please don't take this as a 'Bridezilla' post, I just wanted to hear what you all think/felt!

ffmaid

Yes I got both. However I'll admit to being a MOH in a wedding where the bride got given neither. I was in grad school and oot and could not afford it ( I was making 12K a year buying the dress and getting to the wedding was a huge huge expense for me (think 4% of my income that year) ) She did not get along with her mom for good reasons. All her BM were in grad , med , or vet school and broke. The grooms mom was dead. Nobody who thought of it could afford anything. Now a few years later I gave her a baby shower when she was pregnant with my godson and she was at my wedding events. But simply it was a gift I could not afford at the time and she understood.

deedeedor

I hear you.  I am not having a traditional shower, but I did get a shower of sorts at my bachelorette party.  I didn't think I was going to and I was sad about it because it seems like EVERYONE has a shower.  I just wanted something with my friends, which I struggled with on a certain level since I'm not a "look at me" type of person.  But since it's my wedding, and I hope to do this just once, I wanted something in my honor for once.  Just once.  In a not-Bridezilla way.It might have been fun to open kitchen stuff- but really, sitting around opening up spatulas isn't what I would remember and treasure most about the time leading up to my wedding. But I can understand being disappointed when you think you'll have no parties.  Especially when it's almost expected- all brides have showers.  When in reality that's not really the case. Keep your chin up!

laurening

My wedding is still over a year away so I hope to have them too, but I suppose there's no guarantee. We're all human and it's okay to be sad or have hurt feelings. The important thing is how we act on those feelings. A private pity session is one thing, but it's not something to harbor resentment over or stamp our feet and demand the parties or throw them for ourselves because we "deserve" it.

bablingbrooke

I did. My aunts threw my shower and my BMs threw my bach party. I think it's bad if your BMs dont' at least offer to do these things. I don't think it's fair to go all wedding police on them for not doing it, and I think if it's a money issue no one gets to be upset with them (but you can be disappointed all you want in private). Having said that, if they don't offer to do these things and it's not a money issue, it's usually because of one of the following: 1. BMs were never the type to go above and beyond for friends, so they were never going to throw you a party. 2. BMs are not very good friends. 3. Bride has done something to upset them. In short, I think it's a reflection of the friendship more than anything else.

banana468

I was thrown two showers and a bachelorette.IMO, in the ideal situation a bride gets them.  That's when all conditions are right and make sense.If BMs simply opt to not do them then it's unfortunate but not something that you can say makes them 'bad' people.  My husband doesn't always get me flowers on Valentine's Day but that doesn't make him bad either.If he only wanted to do 'the minimum' as a husband though, I'd feel like we had issues with our marriage - not with just what he does as a husband. Likewise, I think a good friend would WANT to do nice things for a friend so a complete lack of desire to do anything nice (note: this is not limited to throwing parties) means that there are friendship problems not BM problems.

tiffgriffin7

I would be totally bummed if I didn't get either of those. My MOH and BM have all been in weddings already and have been talking to me about dates and stuff (we are 8 months out but I am in grad school so my schedule is really tight). My mom also volunteered to help out with my shower if my MOH was tight on money. But I feel you, I would be sad. If for some reason it doesn't seem like it is going to happen, could you just plan a 'girls night' with your friends a few weeks before the wedding? Obviously you wouldn't call it a bachelorette party but at least you would still a fun night before the wedding.I am probably totally breaking etiquette rules by even suggesting these things but I have heard of people's moms throwing them showers (i know its not right, but its still done). If your mom is involved she could do that if she wanted to. Good luck!

emilyinchile

I live in Chile and all family/friends are in the US, so I won't get either. There are times when I don't care because really, it's just a lunch with the girls (with gifts, sure, but that's not the point to me) or a night out with the girls...and I try to do those things anyway when I go home to visit. But every so often yeah, it makes me a little sad to think of my cousin's bridal shower, for example, and know that I'm missing out on something like that when it was such a fun afternoon.I'm going home for a week in October and a teeny tiny part of me would LOVE to be surprised by something, but since I'm the first of my friends to get married, I don't think my BMs will have even thought about the possibility because it's just not on their radar.Hopefully someone will step up and organize these things for you!

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I'm not registering and my bridesmaids aren't really "shower people." (One was married about 6-7 years ago, just a JOP wedding, never had an engagement ring, because she's totally not into that.) But I might invite them to a weekend in Vegas or a day at Disneyland for a little fun when it's closer to my actual wedding, in lieu of a formal "bachelorette" party.