MOH Drama

voyey

she's driving me crazy, everytime I try to show her some BM gowns she says "I'm not wearing that. that's ugly." "I'm not paying that much for a dress I'm only wearing once." "I'm not wearing a short dress, that's too short." The weddings in June 2010, so we're just looking at dresses(i want all to be knee length or tea length, none long), and I've shown her like 20 dresses and there is always something wrong with it. I understand money's tight for everyone, but the dresses are at DB for around $130. She doesn't even give it a try, I want to just ask her to back out, but then she"ll hate me, and I don't want that, but she's driving me crazy!!Am I being inconsiderate, should I just shut up and listen to her, or what? TIA

tidetravel

Did you ask your MOH what she is comfortable paying prior to choosing a dress.  $130 may be inexpensive by BM dress standards, but if it is too much for her to spend, it's too much.You may make your life a lot easier if you simply give your MOH some guidelines and ask her to find a dress that fits those specifications.  (tell her the length and the color and let her choose a dress that she likes and can afford)

bablingbrooke

I'd chill over the dresses for now. You aren't under a tight deadline and it's clear she's not into shopping now, for whatever reason. Come December or January, try again. As pps said, try asking her what her budget is. And while I agree as the bride you have veto power, if she's THAT dead-set against wearing a short dress, reconsider. I had thought about short BM dresses but once we went shopping the girls fell in love with a long, sheer dress that we wound up going with. Flexibility is key when it comes to wedding planning. It also wouldn't hurt to have a coffee with her to find out what's up. I would be surprised if she was always this negative, and if she wasn't you might find out why she's being so down about it. But try holding off on the dress shopping for now; things might go easier as you get closer to the wedding. If she buys a dress now, it's just going to sit in her closet for a 9 months.

banana468

I'd also chill on the dresses for a while and then in December or January, talk to each person and see what her budget is for the dress.  In a place like David's you have a ton of options however the options don't end there.  You may find a Christmas clearance dress that your MOH loves at a place like J.Crew or Ann Taylor where the dress really can be worn again.Absolutely listen to her.  If she's buying the dress then she does deserve veto power and you do need to keep her budget in mind when looking or offer to help with some of the expense. 

BelhurstBride

Why not have her send you some links to dresses she likes?

ks3pink

1) It is not too early to be shopping for BM dresses. 2) Who said they are from David's? 3) Unless the price is the concern, and this should be addressed first, she really has no say in what the dresses look like. I'm in one of my BM's weddings in May and she called the other day to say when the fitting was and that the dresses are already picked out. I wanted to give my girls more of a say but it seems like too much headache and my color scheme is pretty technical so I may not. Just want to give some different points of view. 10/10/10 Bride!!

bablingbrooke

OP says and I quote: the dresses are at DB [David's Bridal] for around $130.

mbcdefg

Bridesmaids deserve a bit of say in the dress, since they are the ones paying for it and wearing it, but you get the final say since it's your wedding. Either pick out a few dresses that you like and have the girls vote and majority rules; or specify the color, length and fabric and let them pick their own. (And of course, make sure they're all O.K. with the price first.)No, it's not O.K. to just pick a dress and tell them that that's what they have to wear. Even if another bride did it to you in the past, that doesn't make it right.

LaLaPatches

voyey- just so you're not feeling like you're alone in this.  I'm sort of in the same boat.  My MOH and I have different tastes in dresses.  She's the only one standing up with me so for the most part I told her she could pick a navy dress.  She tells me she'll wear whatever I want her to. But when I show her dresses I like, she says eh...or that's ugly.  I was her MOH in her wedding last summer and I had to wear a dress that I had zero say in and I paid about double what we agreed on for a budget.  BTW...I'm a June 2010 knottie too.  You should come and hang out there sometime.

banana468

1) It is not too early to be shopping for BM dresses . It is actually.  If any BM of child bearing age were to buy a dress now, there's a chance that it won't even fit when it's time for the wedding to roll around and she could be very pregnant at the wedding but not even know that she's expecting today.  That's just too risky.  Beyond that, styles may be discontinued between now and then.  It's just not smart to make a purchase now however it is fine to keep looking.2) Who said they are from David's? OP specified that the dresses were DB dresses.  We are offering different suggestions however.3) Unless the price is the concern, and this should be addressed first, she really has no say in what the dresses look like. I'm in one of my BM's weddings in May and she called the other day to say when the fitting was and that the dresses are already picked out. I wanted to give my girls more of a say but it seems like too much headache and my color scheme is pretty technical so I may not. I totally disagree.  If you're expecting your friends to spend money on a dress, give them a say in what they're buying.  One of the ruder things IMO is to say to your nearest and dearest friends, "I love you so much that I'll LET you buy this with no input on the style whatsoever."  If the bride is buying the dresses she gets more say but when the BM is expected to pay, the bride MUST take into consideration the budget and style desires of her friends and family.  Anything less is not being a good friend.

ffmaid

Why not ask her to suggest some dresses? See what she does like?