I feel like Paul Rudd in I Love You Man

PaulnSabrina

   So my fiance' has half a million friends and can barely narrow down his friends to determine who his groomsmen will be. I am struggling to come up with 4 girls and I have 2 sisters! So, after asking a couple girls who are not my best friends but fairly good acquaintances, my fiance asked if we could add more. He really wants to have 7 groomsmen. Now I can muster up 7 girls but I am asking cousins in Alaska at this point.   I know a lot of you are just thinking, well tell him you only want 4. And I could. But I feel like maybe if I ask these 7 girls, we can all become close in the next year and I will have 7 good girl friends. I just wish that I had a million girlfriends and they would be interested in the wedding and want to be part of it. But instead I feel like I have nobody. Even my 2 sisters aren't that interested. I dont know...this is kind of a rant kind of just being bummed and feeling alone during the most exciting time of my life. 

mbcdefg

Let me preface my response with this, so you don't think you're being picked on - I know how you feel. I don't have many close friends either. My bridesmaids are my sister and a close friend from high school and that's it. My brother will be a groomsman but he would've also been welcome to be my attendant. I have other casual girlfriends that I thought about asking, but in the end did not. And I agree, it's not a good feeling. That being said -If you are not close to people, asking them to be your bridesmaid is not a good idea. If they weren't close to you before, then your wedding is not going to inspire them to suddenly want to become closer to you. It doesn't mean that they dislike you, it doesn't mean that your wedding doesn't matter ... it just means that your wedding is not a life-changing event for other people. Yes, they will be happy for you, but while it's a monumental occasion to you, it's pretty much just a celebration to others. Not an event that will suddenly make them want to become better people. The point of wedding parties is not to be a popularity contest. People will not judge you based on how many people you've got in matching outfits standing up there with you (and if they're sick enough to do so, then screw them because what they think doesn't matter). The point of a wedding party is to honor people close to you. Some of us don't have a large circle of friends and that's perfectly fine ... it just means that you can devote more of your attention to the people who deserve it, and probably cut back on the drama that a lot of popular people find themselves in the middle of. Your wedding isn't for 9 months. There's really nothing for other people to get very excited about at this point. Would YOU be super-excited for someone else's party that's not happening until next year? Probably not, right? But that doesn't mean that you don't still love them. People will get more excited as time goes on. In the meantime, only ask girls (and guys, if you have brothers or guy friends) that you can definitely say, "Yes, I want her/him next to me as I get married." Not people that can fill a slot, or people that you think you can work to make closer to you. You can always add people later on if, non-wedding related, you happen to become closer to them.

trix1223

WPs are not about symmetry.  They are not about gender.  They are about having those you care most about stand with you on your wedding day.Lose the idea that you must have matchy-matchy sides, and you'll be just fine. He picks his side.  You pick your side.  There are PLENTY of weddings now that have uneven sides on a WP.And I think that's so much smarter than back when I got married, and everything was expected to matchy-match.Isn't having uneven sides better than asking random people that you don't particularly care about to be in your WP?

jeannigirl

Their is nothing wrong with uneven sides. Noone will care, and if they did so flipping what. SO you have already asked people who are not that close to you? Ouch I hope that this doesn't bring drama, because their is so much of this on this board of brides coming here and complaining that they know they asked way to early and they are wanting to kick out either MOH or BM. Just because you don't have a s***load of friends doesn't mean you are a nobody. I only actually have one friend that is got my back. I am ok with that. I know that you want people to be has excited about your wedding has you are but their not going to be in the way that you are. It is a bit early in the game. Just focus on the fact that you will be marrying this man and thats all that matters. Good luck with all your wedding planning and you can come here and talk to us about anything at anytime.

Julia O'Brien

agree with pp. don't worry about numbers. You'll regret it if you start asking people you're not all that close with. Imagine the organizing it will take, and are you comfortable doing that with people you're not that close with? It will be challenging to coordintate everyone when it comes to dresses etc. So funny b/c somtimes men act more like the sterotypical woman that we do. My FI was like that with the guest list. We agreed upon a small intimate wedding with just close friends and family... then he starts introducing "best friends" to the list who, in 5 years of dating, I've never even heard of lol. I would ask, "so how do you know this guy", he'd say something like, " we used to shop at the same grocery store." They get excited just like we do (sometimes worse) it's cute to imagine men getting all gung ho when thinking about weddings...lol

mbcdefg

So funny b/c somtimes men act more like the sterotypical woman that we do.Haha, so true:Me: I think I've settled on two BMs. FI: O.K., so that means I need two groomsmen.Me: No, just pick who you want. FI: But then the sides will be off!Me: ...***Me: I thought the BMs could carry pink gerbera daisies. FI: But we're using green and black everywhere else, so they can only carry something green or maybe white. Me: Well, pink is pretty neutral for flowers, but if you want something different for the GMs we can get it. FI: I guess that's fine. Just have them add some green berries to my boutonniere so the colors all tie in. *sigh* :P

tiffgriffin7

Only pick those you are closest too. I am having 4 BM and my FI is having 6. I really don't care that they are uneven and we both have who we want. I could ask more but would rather keep it small and simple. Guys can be weirder about this stuff than girls and it was really important to him to have all of his best friends so I said Go for it.

ribbicks

I TOTALLY understand!  I'm only having my sister and his sister.  I don't have many close friends anymore so I didn't feel comfortable asking anyone else.He has a lot of guy friends so they're going to be ushers instead of groomsmen.  We're finding jobs for everyone he wants involved but not necessarily "groomsmen" duties.

cazzysmith

sides don't have to match when it comes to # of attendants!  Wouldn't worry about it.  I wouldn't add girls just to up the numbers.

kmm2150

I agree with pp about how not having lots of close friends is more normal than you think, and understand the thought of "I'll ask people and then we'll bond," but honestly what happens if you don't bond? What happens if they turn out to be bm-zillas or if you just don't get close? Then you have people in your wedding pics - forever- that you have no desire to keep in touch with. I know I want to look back at our pictures and think what a great time i had with my (small) wedding party, not, hmm wonder what happened to that chick who I haven't seen since the wedding? I know the mantra is "even sides don't matter," but if they matter to YOU, or if you think 7 guys will look a little crowded at the front of the church, how about having 3 ushers, or having them as readers?

TheSquirrelsRWatching

We're only having 3 on each side. In my case, my fiance didn't really have anyone for his side of the WP (his friends are all away at grad schools). I told him he had to pick his own Best Man, and then I filled the rest of the groomsmen in...basically my brother and a friend of ours from college who is one of my best friends. He could add more guys to his side if he knows some girls well enough to sit on the other side as well. You could even put guys you know on your side if you want. Your attendants just have to be important to you, not necessarily female.

meganfauer

I had 9 bridesmaids and my husband had 5 it was perfect the best man and matron of honor walked together and then all the other guys had 2 girls to an arm. I do not think at all it has to be even. I did not want my husband just to pick people that he was not close with and I have some great friends and 4 sisters that I could not leave out. Bottom line is I think it does not have to be even and it was perfect!

kbatchellor

Don't worry about matching however many he ends up with.  My groom is going to have 4 and I am having 3 bridesmaids.  I refused too add another girl just to make it look even.  I think your bridesmaids should be the girls who are most important in your life.  If he gets overboard, then slow him down but otherwise if he wants to pay for tuxedo rentals then let him!

JawesDulie

Just have two guys per girl walking down the aisle. My brother had a few more guys he wanted to include than my sister-in-law did, so two of us were escorted by two guys. No big deal.

PaulnSabrina

Thanks Ladies!  You dont know how much your comments made me feel better! You are all amazing and I truly appreciate your advice!

szjones

he could ask some of the guys to be ushers or readers or greeters instead.... but 4 and 7 isn't bad.  i went to a wedding with 5 BMs and *12* groomsmen.... but no one really thought twice - some said, wow, he's lucky to have so many good friends, but not "oh, it's so sad she doesn't have that many"i'm off too, 3 vs. 4.   choosing the wedding party can make you feel lonely...stressed...  but don't allow it to.  have fun with it all!

Septwedding09

We had uneven, but it was perfect. We each had the people we wanted, no questions asked. We didn't have to ask people we were unsure of, and we didn't have to cut anyone who was important. Don't ask girls you are unsure of.  They will likely upset you (ie, will whine about the cost of the dress, or the time spent on planning your shower) because they aren't that close to you and their hearts are not into it. I reluctantly said yes to a girl I wasn't close to, and it was aggravating to spend the money. As for my friends i was close to, it didn't bother me in the least to drop the money.PS...they WILL figure out thye were asked just to "even things out." 

rubylynn11

My fiance and I have had this conversation as well. I want 4 bridesmaids and he wants 2 groomsmen. We decided that uneven sides is fine. But, he has 2 of his friends he could ask if we wanted even sides. I think you should have who you want to have in your wedding. Do not worry about even numbers, just choose people who will make your experience and your day wonderful!

ratchick

Both myself and my partner aren't very close to a lot of people. Not only that, but he's from the US and I'm from Canada. So finding people to be in our wp is tough. We decided to not bother with the wedding party at all. I'm having my mother and stepfather stand up for me, and he'll have his parents stand up for him. We thought that would be the nicest way to make our wedding more meaningful for our families and us. I concur with everyone who's given this kind of advice...just do what you feel is right...nothing has to match, pair up or be traditional. It's your wedding, so whatever feels right, will be right. Good luck! Suzanne

vitacosmopolita

PLEASE don't pick people just to fill up the party. I was a "body" last year in a cousin's wedding and I was determined not to do that for mine. It was clear I was only chosen because she had run out of girls to match his guys. I as well, don't have a million close friends like my fiance, so its my sister, two friends from college, his sister and his best female friend from high school. If I had my way it would just be "my" 3 girls, but gotta compromise :-P  

perfectlioness1

Hi Sabrina, I felt the same way as you did when I was deciding my wedding party almost a year ago.  I have one older sister (my MOH), my best friend from middle school, and a college friend as bridesmaids.  My fiance has oodles of male friends and had to "narrow it down" to 4.  My mom really wanted symmetrical sides and that did not help the matter, only made me feel worse because I really did not have another close girl to ask.  I felt really bad and like I was a weirdo for not having gaggles of girlfriends.  I thought for a long while about asking one of several female acquaintances but after a lot of thought, and especially now, I am really glad I chose against it.  I do wish I had more female friends to share my pre-wedding glee, but honestly even trying to manage 3 girls it's like herding cats, and I can't imagine how to deal with larger bridal parties, conflicting personalities, etc.  Just use the 4 girls that you are close to, and let them know that, they are chosen because you do feel so close to them and thank them.  They will feel really special and no one else will care about asymmetry.  

Sparkette19

I'm in a similar boat. My FI has what seems like a ton of childhood BFF's that he can't imagine not having in his wedding. As a matter of fact, he asked all of his GM's shortly after we were engaged, and our engagement was almost 2 years. I was kind of irriated b/c I wish he would have talked to me about it before he asked everyone under the sun. I would have preferred to have it small, but what's done is done. You have the option to talk it out with your FI. It doesn't have to be even sides either. I know you think it might look silly to have 7 on one side and 4 on the other. It's your wedding and not a popularity contest, trying explaining that to your FI. Maybe that will work. There are other honorary positions his friends can have other than GM too. I wouldn't have random people for BM's though. You want people that are important to you to be there with you on this journey, not place fillers that you hope to be friends with. GL, dear!!

StefanieM522

Don't feel bad about not having enough girls to match your husbands boys.  For my wedding I have 2 MOH and 4 BM to his 1 BM and 3 GM.  I don't think that there is anything wrong with it, excpet that some of the guys get to walk 2 lovely ladies down the aisle.  I couldn't imagine not haveing any bridesmaids with.  Uneven numbers is okay.  I don't think anyone will even notice.  Good luck!!!